Man He Didn't Have to Be
by poeticgrace
Summary: Puck steps up when a terrible accident leaves a grieving Rachel pregnant and alone.
1. Chapter 1

A sleek black car made its way slowly through the quiet, picturesque streets of a typical American suburb on an otherwise normal Tuesday morning. In most neighborhoods, people wouldn't think twice about such a thing, but for the ladies of Dixie Street, such an appearance could only mean one thing. As the women watered their flowers and played with their children in their front yards, they each waited with baited breath as the car made its way past, just praying that it wouldn't stop at the edge of their driveway. They didn't send the black car when it was good news.

Rachel was humming to herself quietly in the kitchen as she cleaned up her breakfast dishes when her doorbell rang. She glanced through the window above her sink and saw the car parked across the street in front of Kate Miller's house. The whole world seemed to slow down, and she knew for certain that the pair of military men were there to either call on her or ask her to accompany them across the street while they delivered the bad news. She had already seen it happen twice since she had moved to Fort Knox.

Wiping her hands absently on her apron, she made her way slowly through the dining room and into the foyer. The door bell rang out again, echoing loudly in the small confines of the hallway. Rachel spotted a silver framed picture of her and Finn together at their wedding just a handful of days before he was deployed to Afghanistan. It had been five months after they had graduated from high school and six weeks after she had dropped out of NYADA to spend Finn's last precious days with him at home. It had been the hardest decision of her life and the easiest all at the same time. Two weeks after Finn had left the United States, her fathers had left her at their new home in Kentucky as she was determined to do this on her own.

That had all been thirteen weeks ago, and she knew that they still had another twenty-four to go. The ladies in the neighborhood helped. They were the only ones who understood what it meant to be a military wife. It was never a role that Rachel had envisioned for herself, not like Broadway Diva or Proud Jewish Mother. No, this one had caught her off guard when Finn had announced just before she left for New York that he was going to follow in his father's footsteps. It was only now, with her hand poised on her polished brass doorknob, that she fully understood what that really meant.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Hudson," the uniformed officer greeted her politely. She recognized him as Sergeant Davis, the man that the base had sent a few weeks ago to help her move some things down from the attic. The other man was older and equally as stoic, his hands folded tightly in front of him as he tried and failed to meet her eyes.

Rachel stepped to the side and let the pair into her pristine living room. "Ms. Berry," she corrected them easily, trying her best to smile. She knew now that they were here for her, but she needed to prolong this as long as she could. "I kept my maiden name because that's what I go by professionally." She knew they didn't really care but she tended to ramble under usual circumstances, let alone when she was nervous and terrified. "But you can call me Rachel."

"On behalf of the President of the United States and the United State Army, we regret to inform you that your husband, Finn Hudson, was killed this morning when the vehicle he was riding encountered an improvised explosive device," Sergeant Davis recited perfectly. His tone was the perfect mix of sympathetic and professional, and Rachel hated him just a little for his flawless delivery. "This is Chaplain Phillips. He is assigned to our base and will be here. Would you like to pray with us, Rachel?"

Her hands were shaking as she clutched at her stomach. Finn hadn't known. Setting that aside for the moment, Rachel managed to shake her head. "Is there someone you would like for us to call, Rachel?" the chaplain asked, resting his hand gently on her shoulder. Rachel felt her legs collapsing beneath her as she sunk to the ground, burying her face in her hands. She couldn't manage the words between the choked sobs escaping from her in fits and starts. The only thing she could do was cradle her stomach protectively, thinking about the three-month-old baby growing inside of her that would never get to meet its father.

"No, no, no, NO!" Rachel finally screamed. She was angry at Finn and at these men and the President for making him go there in the first place and at herself for not arguing more and at God for letting any of this happen at all. "No, it's not Finn, I'm sorry. You must be wrong, gentleman. You have the wrong house. Finn couldn't be dead. I would know if he was gone. You see, I'm a little bit psychic, I have a sixth sense. I would know if my husband had died. We're soulmates, we're connected. I would be able to feel it. No, I'm sorry, you just have the wrong house."

Davis smiled at her sadly and bowed his head before shaking it gently. "No, Rachel, I am so sorry," he told her again. "Would you like for us to stay with you while you notify your next of kin?"

Rachel looked at the man as if she hated him and he supposed that she probably did a little. It never got any easier, delivering news like this. He had seen nearly every reaction under the sun, ranging from your run-of-the-mill denial to tears so hard that they echoed throughout the entire neighborhood to utter silence. That one, the cold numbness, was almost the worst.

"I don't know," she finally said, one arm across over her stomach while the other pushed dark hair from her face. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

The sergeant smiled somewhat and nodded knowingly. "We have two men reporting to Lima, Ohio, to inform Carole Hummel about the passing of your husband. Would you like to contact your own family? The United States Army is prepared to pay all..."

Rachel watched as his mouth moved but she didn't hear any of the words. She only buried her face in her hands and started to cry all over again. She couldn't bear to hear her husband's death talk about as though it was a business deal, negotiating over what the military would pay and what would become her responsibility. The only response she could give when he finally stopped talking was to press her cellphone into the sergeant's hand and mumble her fathers' names before bursting into tears all over again.

Two hours and two thousand miles later, Puck was just packing the last of his equipment into his big black truck when his cell phone started to ring. He grimaced when his mother's name flashed across the screen and almost hit ignore before thinking better of it. "Listen, Ma, I'm still working. Can I call you later? I have a lot to do but should be off in a few hours."

"This can't wait, Noah," she told him softly, and he could hear the tears across the line.

"Ma, what is it? Is it Sarah? Are you okay? What's wrong?" he asked worriedly. The self-professed badass didn't care about a lot of things, but his mother and sister were everything to him. For so long – too long – it had been the three of them against the world. Now that he was in California, he took his responsibility even more seriously. A nice check twice a month let him feel like he was taking care of his family, his mother splitting it between paying a few bills and saving for Sarah's college fund. "Ma, seriously, I'm freaked."

She was quiet for a moment, and that was when Puck knew it was bad. Rebecca Puckerman had never been quiet a day in her life. "I am so sorry, Noah," she cried quietly into his ear. "It's Finn, honey. They just came to tell Carole a little bit ago. Burt called..."

"Ma, what is it with Finn? Did he get hurt? Where is he at?"

"No, Noah. Oh, baby, I am so sorry," she repeated again and he wanted to hug his mother. He was nineteen-years-old and the only thing he could think about was hugging his mommy. "Finn was killed, honey. Finn's dead."

The whole world shifted in that moment and Puck knew that he was going to throw up. He bent over at the waste and hurled his breakfast into the Harpers' rose bushes. His entire body was shaking as he clutched the cell phone to the side of his head with white knuckles. Once he was sure that he wasn't going to throw up again, he assured his mother that he was fine before asking the only question that mattered to him right now, "How is she?"

"I don't know," Rebecca answered honestly. "Honey, I think you should come home."

"Yeah. Fuck, Rach," he muttered beneath his breath, rubbing his free hand absently over the top of his head. "Look, Ma, I gotta go. I will call you when I'm on my way to the airport with the specifics."

"Be safe, honey," she implored him maternally.

"I will," he promised. "And Ma?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"I love you," he told her before ending the call. He hastily threw the rest of the equipment into the bed of the truck with one hand while dialing Rachel's number. It rang four times before going to voice,mail. He couldn't stand to hear her sounding so happy right now. He ended the call without leaving a message and instantly redialed her, not at all caring about California's stringent laws about driving while talking on the phone. It only rang once this time before her voice,mail came on. It went straight to voice mail the next time and he knew that she had turned off her phone.

It would take six more hours before Puck would finally get to hear how she was doing for himself. He reached up and knocked timidly on the door, ignoring the line of cars outside waiting at the curb. He knew that it was a short drive from Kentucky to Lima, completely manageable in a few hours. It didn't surprise him at all that so many people had already showed up. What did surprise him was when she opened the door and launched herself into his arms.

"I got you, babe, I got you," he murmured into her hair, and he knew then somehow that she had been waiting for him before she could finally fully break down. She went limp in his arms, allowing Puck to walk them both into the house without worrying about what anyone else thought. She didn't know how he'd known to come here instead of Lima, but she was glad that he had chosen Louisville International as his final destination when he had booked a very expensive ticket at LAX. Her face was buried in the crook of his neck and he could feel the slightest rounding of her stomach against his abdomen. He pulled back and searched her dark eyes questioningly, glancing down and then back up at her. She nodded slightly and his heart broke all over again.

"Make them go away," she said quietly. "All of them, everyone, Noah, please." She sounded desperate and he wondered just how long it would be before she wanted him to leave. Rachel would eventually be determined to do this all on her own. He knew her well enough to know that she would turn it into a role, some sort of twisted acting game where she could play the part to get herself through it. And he also knew her well enough to know that Rachel knew he'd see right through it and push him away when he tried to get her to deal with reality. "Noah, _please_."

Puck nodded gently at her as he led her over to the staircase and nodded for her to go on up. Once she was safely out of earshot, he turned to the women seated around the living room with the saddest looks in their eyes. "Ladies, I appreciate you all being here for Rachel, but as you can see, she needs a little space," he told them politely. "I am sure someone will call you when the..." His voice trailed off as he felt his hazel eyes started to water. "Someone will let you know when the arrangements have been made."

With that, he turned on his heel and took the stairs two at a time to find her sitting in the hallway between two bedrooms. On one side, he could see a large bed that indicated it was probably the master, the room she was supposed to share with Finn. Across the hall, he could just make out the light yellow walls through the slightly open door. Deciding that neither was a good option, he scooped her up and carried her the rest of the way down the hallway toward what he hoped was a third bedroom. Relieved to find a guestroom, he gently deposited Rachel in the middle of the bed and pulled a blanket up to her chin. She was already on her way to crying herself to sleep. Once her breathing had evened out, Puck started to close the door behind him when he heard her whisper, "Stay." Puck nodded once and pulled a wooden chair to the edge of the mattress, promising himself and Rachel and Finn that he would watch over them for as long as it was necessary.


	2. Chapter 2

"If I see one more green bean casserole, I might puke."

Rachel looked up and smiled at Puck briefly as she surveyed her surroundings. The otherwise pristine granite counters of her fathers' kitchen were covered with casseroles and hams, pasta dishes and loaves of homemade bread. Like thousands of women before her, Rachel wondered why people always felt the need to bring excess amounts of food whenever tragedy struck. The last thing she felt like doing was eating, but her self-appointed guardian was making sure that both she and the baby were getting enough food. She only hated him a little bit when he looked at the microwave clock and mentally calculated how many hours it had been since her last meal.

"Given the situation, I must concur," she replied softly before moving toward the doorway. The funeral hadn't even happened, and the food just seemed to keep on coming. It didn't seem to matter whether she was at her house or the Hummels, there was food everywhere she turned. It was the only thing that felt consistent at all since her whole world had been sent spinning off its axis. "I think I'm just going to go upstairs and lie down for a bit before Carole gets here."

Puck watched wordlessly as Rachel slowly climbed the stairs toward her childhood bedroom. Once he heard the door shut above his head, he let out a long sigh and shook his shaved head. The past forty-eight hours had been a complete blur, and it was only when Rachel was sleeping that he seemed to have any time to think about what was going on. They had stayed in Kentucky that first day, Rachel ignoring the endless stream of phone calls and Puck texting the people he knew quickly after to let them know the few details he had. The only people other than him that she seemed willing to talk to at all were Burt, Carole and her fathers, and he knew that was mostly out of duty to her family.

She had slept nearly the entire drive to Lima, waking only briefly somewhere halfway between to take a quick bathroom break and eat the fruit salad Puck had picked up for her at a grocery store. He had played her favorite Barbra Streisand album and a few Broadway soundtracks to keep her calm, praying that the music would sooth her as it had for so long. It was only when Journey came on that she had reached forward and twisted off the stereo with a whispered apology. He'd mentally kicked his own ass for the next seventy-two miles until she had smiled when he'd slid Neil Diamond across the seat toward her. He'd always kind of been there thing.

It had been a whirlwind of activity once they had finally pulled up to her fathers' house in Lima. They had immediately wrapped their only child in their arms, doting on her and crying for her and apologizing to her. Rachel had seemed pretty numb at that point, nodding her head in all the appropriate places and accepting the condolence graciously. It was something he would watch her perfect over the next twelve hours as family, friends and former classmates paraded in and out of her house with their well wishes and promises of prayers. She took time to speak with each, smiling fondly at their shared memories and bowing her head silently whenever things got a little intense. When the last guest had finally went home last night, Rachel had bluntly told hers and Finn's parents both that she had no intention of talking to anyone about Finn until the funeral.

There would be no visitation; that was her only request. Carole was expected any minute to help Rachel go over the details of the funeral and burial. Since she was Jewish, Rachel had said his mother would know more about what was proper etiquette and pretty much already agreed to whatever Carole wanted. The Army had sent along the burial uniform, though Rachel secretly hated the thought of her husband being buried in something that represented the end of his life. Really the only things left to figure out were who would speak and who would carry the casket.

As the clock chimed noon in the other room, Puck figured he should probably head up to check on Rachel. His own mother would be there soon enough with Carole and he wanted to give her a little time to prepare herself. "Hey, Rach," he called out as he knocked softly on the door. He peered through to see her laying in the middle of the bed, tears trailing down her face as she rubbed her stomach absently. "Oh, babe." He meant to say it only to himself but she seemed to hear him as her apologetic eyes found him in the doorway. Puck sat down on the edge of the bed, reaching out to cover her hand on her womb. He thought briefly of the last time he had held a pregnant woman's hand, back when it had been an angry Quinn carrying his daughter. He shook his head to clear away those thoughts and focused his attention back on Rachel. "Are you sure you don't want to tell Carole yet? It'd might help."

Rachel covered her abdomen protectively as she shook her head fiercely. "I was waiting until the first trimester was over before I told anyone. I had to be sure," she tried to explain to him. It had been easy to hide everything when she had been in Kentucky alone. She had planned to tell Finn when he had a few days off in a couple weeks, right after she had her four-month checkup. "And now, I don't know, I just want this to be about him. You know? Like, if I tell everyone, this becomes the baby show. I just want to remember my husband."

"Well, then let's get you in one of those oversized sweatshirts you seem to be favoring all of a sudden because Carole will be her with my mom any minute," he told her as he made his way over to the closet. He opened the door and found an old McKinley High School hoodie shoved in the back. He recognized it briefly as one from the football team and laughed as he pulled it out. It still had his name and number printed on back in bold red letters.

She had borrowed it on a JCC hayride their senior year and refused to return it after she found how comfortable it was. "I forgot I had this!" Rachel's face lit up for a moment as she grasped the sweatshirt, pressing her face into the worn cotton. She pulled it on over her head just as the doorbell rang downstairs. Her smile immediately faded as she realized what was about to happen. This was one of the first things that made it really real. "I guess I should go down and greet my guests."

"Do you want me to...?"

"Just come on, Noah," she said tiredly, reaching for his hand and pulling him behind her. There was an unspoken agreement between the two that she didn't have to deal with anyone without him present if she didn't want to do it. He was there to protect her, something he felt like he owed to his childhood best friend after everything he'd put him through. Puck hadn't even begun to deal with his own feelings about Finn's death. There would be time for that later. For now, his one and only focus was on Rachel. "Rebecca, Carole! Hello, sorry it took us a minute to get down here. Noah was just helping me find this old thing."

Rebecca smiled affectionately at the petite brunette as she wrapped her in a warm embrace. Rachel felt the tears dwelling just below the surface but forced herself to push them back down as she met Puck's mother's eyes. She quickly moved over to hug her mother-in-law while Puck greeted his mom with a chaste kiss to the cheek. "Can I get you anything? We have enough food to feed an army..."

Her voice trailed off as Puck took over. "I'll just go put a pot of coffee on for you ladies. You want some tea, Rach?" She nodded and smile gratefully before leading the two women over to the pair of sofas that dominated the living room. "Right, I'll just be back in a minute."

Puck took a deep breath and headed back toward the kitchen to make the coffee. He knew that Rachel hadn't realized what she was saying before she caught herself, and those things were bound to happen. When Brittany had stopped by yesterday, she had mentioned something about how she would die for Rachel's black pumps, and it had taken him twenty minutes to get her out of the bathroom after the innocent but clueless blonde had left. After pouring three cups of coffee and fetching Rachel's cinnamon tea from the Keurig, he came back into the living room to find the three ladies with plans spread out across the mahogany coffee table.

"So I was thinking that I would ask the Glee boys to help with the casket," Carole proposed. "What do you think, Noah? I was thinking you could carry it with Mike and Sam Do you think just the three of you could manage? I was going to ask Blaine, but I thought that Kurt would probably need him. And Artie, of course, he can't really help. I was thinking he could be an honorary pallbearer or something though, maybe lead you all down the aisle or something."

"Yeah, sure, that's fine," Puck agreed absently as he rubbed his hand over the back of his head anxiously. Honestly, the thought of leaving Rachel alone for even a few moments terrified him. What if she needed him? "I'm sure the guys will agree. I can talk to them. Rutherford texted and said that he was going to come. He might be good."

"Whatever you thinks best, Noah," Rachel said as she neatly printed the names down in her notebook. It was pink and had music notes on it. She had sent Puck out for it last night in a late-night panic. If she was going to do this, she needed a notebook. She had insisted as much was necessary for her to feel adequately prepared and organized. It was the most like-her thing he had heard her say since he had come to Fort Knox. "Who would you like to give the eulogy, Carole?"

"I was thinking Will Schuester could say something. He was very important to my son," Carole suggested and Rachel nodded in agreement. Mr. Schue was the perfect person to speak at Finn's funeral. "Is there anyone else? Do you want to say something, dear?"

Rachel looked down at her hands folded neatly in her lap before shaking her head. "I..I don't think that I could get through it," she admitted honestly. "Maybe Noah could say a few words though. I mean, if you don't mind." Her gaze met Puck's and he knew that this was important to her. "I have something I would like you to read if you could. You can say something of your own, too."

"Whatever you need, Rach," he promised, reaching down to pat her hand carefully. "You know that."

Carole and Rebecca started to talk about the dinner afterward and the burial and who would be officiating where. Rachel and Puck both sort of tuned out then, not caring as much about the specifics of the where and the who. It was only when he heard the words "sing" and "music" that Puck paid any attention and truthfully, he wouldn't have even caught that if Rachel hadn't chosen that exact moment to freak the fuck out.

"Under no circumstances, and I mean _no _circumstances, will I allow Quinn Fabray to sing at my husband's funeral," Rachel announced loudly, her chocolate brown eyes suddenly full of fire. Puck was slightly taken aback by her fervor. Rachel and Quinn had actually become friends over the past few years. "I will ignore for a moment that you think my husband's ex-girlfriend could ever be a suitable performer for his funeral and take this time to point out just how inappropriate her voice would be for the occasion. While her voice is admittedly better than it was sophomore year, it has a saccharine quality to it. Unless she is going to be singing about butterflies and roses, Quinn is not the right choice."

"Rachel, honey, it was just a suggestion. I am sure that Carole would be open to anyone that you think would be a better fit," Rebecca said carefully. The truth was that Rebecca Puckerman was far from being Quinn Fabray's biggest fan. She still held a tiny bit of resentment toward the blonde for things that had happened to her son sophomore year, not with the baby's adoption but how easily she had broken Noah's heart. And she agreed with Rachel, Quinn's delicate voice wasn't at all right for the occasion. "What were you thinking, sweetheart?"

"Tina, it has to be Tina." A slight blush spread over Rachel's cheeks at her sudden insistence. She wasn't sure why it was the Asian girl who stood out in her mind, but there was something about the heartfelt and genuine way Tina always sang ballads that struck her appropriate for the situation. When she needed a powerhouse, she would turn to Kurt or Mercedes. That wasn't the feeling she was going for here. "I have a song I'd like for her to sing in mind. I was thinking Artie could accompany her on the guitar. I'd ask Noah to do it, but I want him with me then. I think I'll need it."

"Okay, so you can talk to Tina and Artie about singing. Anyone else?" Carole asked as she made a note.

They were all surprised when she declined. Rachel was always all about the music. "I think that one song should suffice. I don't really see the need to draw it out longer than it needs to be. It's already going to be hard enough as it is," she told them truthfully. "I'm sorry, I know that sounds terribly cold, but honestly, I don't know that I can endure it. If there is something that you would like to hear, Carole, I would be more than happy to oblige. But for me, just that one song will do."

"If you don't mind, I might ask Kurt and Blaine to sing "Blackbird," she told her daughter-in-law. "They do such a beautiful rendition and it was the song that they played at Christopher's funeral." Carole stopped suddenly and Puck thought she might cry for a minute until his mother rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. He had no idea what it must feel like to lose your son the same way you lost his father. "What do you all think?"

"I think that would be lovely, Carole," Rachel smiled through tears of her own. "Finn would like that."

"Yes, well, let's hope," she managed before fanning the tears in her eyes. "I think that about covers it. It will be day after tomorrow at St. Paul's at ten. Bishop Hardison will preside over the funeral. I will send the car over to pick you and your fathers up at 9:15, Rachel. I assume Noah will be riding with you." Puck nodded for Rachel. "Yes, well, Rebecca and Sarah will come with Burt, Kurt, Blaine and myself in a separate car. We should be there at 9:30 to go over final details with the bishop."

After a few more minutes, another round of hugs and a promise to call later, Carole and Rebecca finally headed back to the Hummel household with a funeral plan in tact. Puck managed to corral Rachel back into the kitchen to force down some of that aforementioned green bean casserole along with a vegan salad he had managed to put together with the contents of the various fruit and veggie platters taking up most of the refrigerator. He had also called Tina to see if she could stop by in a couple hours after Rachel had asked him and texted his mother to see if she could drop his only good black suit off at the cleaners. He surprisingly had everything together.

"My fathers should be home soon if you want to head back to your mom's," she offered as she rested her head against her fist at the counter. "They just wanted to get a few things done at work since they'll both be off for the next few days. You don't have to stick around to babysit the grieving widow."

"Babe, c'mon, it's not like that," he exhaled shallowly. "Because if you do, if you need space or time alone, you say the word and I'm gone. But that's not what you said last night and I am not leaving here until you are absolutely sure that you want to be by yourself. I don't care if you think you can manage or whatever. It's not about that. This is not a burden –_ you_ are not a burden. I'm here as long as you need me."

"Yeah, until you go back to California," she said bitterly. The harshness of the comment caught even her off guard. "Oh, Noah, I'm so sorry. That wasn't fair,"

"I'm here as long as you need me," he repeated pointedly. "I'm not going anywhere, Berry. Just let me take care of you."

"You shouldn't have to, Noah. It's not your job, I'm not your obligation."

"I need this, Rach," he whispered, tears welling in his hazel eyes. It was the first time he had cried in front of her since this had all gone down. "I let him down a lot. I can't change any of that or make up for it now, but I need to do this. For you, for him, for myself – I need to make sure that you two are okay. If I do that, if I feel useful, then maybe I'll be okay."

Rachel reached out and squeezed his hand. "Okay," she retorted softly. "I appreciate it. _We_ appreciate it." Her eyes shone as she peered up at him. "How do we do this without him, Noah?"

He could only sort of shrug. "I've never really been all that good with words, babe. I wish I had this sage advice about how we are intrepid or some shit, but that'll never be me. The only thing I can really do is promise you that you're not going through this alone. You have me. I am going to be there. I'm going to show up and I'm going to keep showing up until you quit needing me."

"I'm always going need you in some way, Noah."

Puck couldn't help but smile at her retort. There was nothing romantic about the way she said it. It was a comment made out of pure friendship, a bond that had taken years for them to build. "That's what I was counting on, babe," he grinned. "Or at least, you know, what I was hoping for."

_**Author's Note:** Thank you to everyone for all the reviews and adding this one to your alerts. I appreciate all of you, especially those who took a minute to type a sentence or two to let me know your thoughts. You're wonderful!_


	3. Chapter 3

Rachel had spent the past twenty minutes trying to figure out if Bishop Hardison wore a toupee. His hair seemed to move when he talked, sliding back and forth as he carefully enunciated a particular Bible verse from the New Testament in stunted Latin. Since the words meant very little to most of the room and even less to her, she didn't feel too bad for paying attention at her own husband's funeral. It was sort of the only thing keeping her together.

It was kind of like how she had focused on the way a certain piece of the ribbon on the casket floral spray was slightly tattered on the end. The satin ribbon was starting to fray with one single thread much longer than the rest. Ever since she had spotted it at the viewing before the funeral, it was sort of the only thing she could see. It was better than focusing on the closed lid of the casket, Finn's body too wrecked for anyone to bare to see it. In fact, only Burt had seen the empty version of her husband, a necessity mandated when he went to claim the corpse. Rachel refused to acknowledge that as Finn. The person that she loved wasn't the terrible shell he had left behind.

There were other miniscule details that distracted her from accepting the reality going on around her. There was the way her daddy (Leroy) was nervously twisting the watch on his left wrist and the way that Brittany was humming not-so-quietly to herself two rows behind the family in a vain attempt to drown out Quinn's audible sobs every thirty seconds. There was the way Carole kept unfolding and refolding a silk handkerchief on the other side of her fathers, smoothing out the light blue fabric over the knee of her black dress. There was the way Kurt kept kicking the underneath side of the pew, shaking the entire row of people without earning a single dirty look from anyone. Most of all, there was the way that Puck constantly bounced his right leg beside her, occasionally bumping his knee against hers.

These were all things that she could have seen, heard or felt on any given day, and that was almost enough to let her pretend that they were all somewhere else. If it wasn't for the constant sniffling and depressing organ music and less than stellar performance from the bishop, Rachel could almost pretend they were all just an audience at a really unfortunate community play. She kept waiting for Finn to sit up and head backstage when the house lights faded, but she knew that moment would never come. She wasn't really sure what came after this actually, but there would be no repeat performances for her husband. This was his swan song.

It is this thought that causes Rachel to finally feel the weight of everything that is happening to her on this particularly dreadful Tuesday morning. The tears start to fall as her dad (Hiram) wraps his arm around her and whispers soothing Hebrew in her right ear. She feels Puck's leg stop bouncing to her left as his hand creeps between them to grasp hers. He holds it tightly, squeezing her fingers to remind her that she's okay, that he's still here, that they are going to make it through this. She steadies them both with a look, trying and failing to smile through the crocodile tears watering her coffee brown eyes.

"And now, Rachel and Carole have asked an important person from Finn's life to say a few words," the bishop announced. "Will Schuester taught Finn in high school, acting as both his music director and his mentor. Will?"

Rachel watched as her former glee director left his new wife's side to climb the stairs and take the podium. He looked older in his solemn charcoal suit and sky blue shirt. His usually kind eyes were bloodshot from crying, and she knew that this was hard for him. She almost felt bad for asking him to stand up there and trying to explain what this boy who had changed his life – changed both their lives – meant to him. However, with a deep breath, Mr. Schuester unfolded a piece of yellow paper and reminded her why they had chosen him.

"I tell myself that I can't hold out forever, I said there is no reason for my fear," Will recited. "It seems fitting, in this all-too-dark hour, that these are some of the first words that I ever heard Finn Hudson sing. Because I am scared, absolutely terrified, that I have to live in a world without him. You see, when I first met Finn, he was singing in the shower after football practice. Now, that might sound a little strange, and I suppose it is a weird way to meet someone for the first time. However, if I hadn't walked into that boys' room, I might have never gotten the chance to hear him sing and discover his undeniable talent. It's hard to say how everything would have turned out, but if Finn was here right now, I know he'd tell me that he's glad that I found him."

"Finn at fifteen was a lot like myself at that age. He was absolutely in love, popular and too talented to understand what an amazing gift he had," he remembered. "I saw myself in him, and in some ways, I wanted to live my dreams through him. However, as the years have worn on, I have gotten to see how different Finn really was, not just from me but from the person that I thought he was. Everyone present here today came because they were somehow touched by Finn Hudson. His smile was infectious and his ability to love was unmatched. He once told me that he was the luckiest guy in the world to be so popular, but I still think that we were the lucky ones. We are the ones that got to shine a little brighter when he shared his light."

And then, with a slight nod of his head, an instrumental version of the aforementioned REO Speedwagon song started to fill the air. Will smiled down at the first row, first at Carole, then at Kurt and finally at Rachel.

"And even as I wander," Will sang softly, tears sparkling in his gentle eyes.

Rachel heard Mike Chang stand up behind her. "I'm keeping you in my sight."

"You're a candle in the window," Tina added from beside her boyfriend.

"On a cold, dark winter's night," Santana and Brittany harmonized together.

"And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might," Artie sang as he gazed up at Rachel from the end of the pew just behind her.

The music faded a little as Will leaned forward at the podium. "Finn was like that for a lot of us. He was a candle guiding us forward in the darkness, a natural leader without even trying. He was goofy and sweet and always tried to do the right thing. Carole, you raised your son right. One of the best things he ever did was find Rachel Berry, his own star in the darkest of nights. The night before Finn got married, I asked him if he was sure because he was still so young. Finn didn't even hesitate a little when he said, 'Yeah, Mr. Schue, she's the one.'"

"And even as I wander," Matt belted out, earning a surprised and pleased smile from the widow.

Mercedes caught her friend's eye as she sang the next line, "I'm keeping you in my sight."

"You're a candle in the window," Sam added as he wiped away a stray tear with his right hand.

"On a cold, dark winter's night," Quinn managed through sobs of her own.

"And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might," Puck and Blaine sang in unison from the front pew. Will joined them as they sang the final line from the song. "Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore."

Cries were heard as Will turned to rest his hand on the casket for a moment, briefly closing his eyes, before climbing back down the stairs and taking his seat next to Emma. Rachel was finally smiling through her tears. She couldn't help but think how much Finn would love that the first performance the old gang had was in his honor, a song that had indirectly started his long journey to her. It was strangely, wonderfully, completely perfect.

"And now, Noah Puckerman will memorialize Finn," the bishop told the crowd. "Noah is a close friend of Rachel's and was Finn's childhood best friend."

Puck looked over at Rachel with a raised eyebrow. "You okay to hang out hear for a minute?" he whispered as he leaned over, still holding her hand. Rachel blinked at him twice before she nodded, reluctantly letting go of his fingers so that he could go to the altar. She almost felt like his hand was the only thing keeping her tethered here, and a small part of her was afraid that she'd lose herself if she let go. "I'm just going to go do this and then I'll be back."

She smiled a little then at how casual he was trying to make it, as if they were really just hanging out and he wasn't about to go eulogize her husband. Puck seemed to understand as he smiled back before fishing out a piece of paper of his own from the inside pocket of his black suit. "Uh, so, I've never been good with words, but if you know Rach, you know that she has plenty of them. Here are a few that she had to say about Finn. Rachel wrote this letter to him two days before he, well, you know."

"Dear Finn, today is one of those days that is so hot and humid that you can barely breathe," Puck read. "The weatherman says we're in for a heat wave, and it's days like these that I really wish I wasn't a vegan so that I could get a cold treat from the ice cream man that seems to constantly be here on the base. I miss you."

"I've been working a few days a week giving lessons to some of the kids in the neighborhood. Do you remember Lydia Silver's daughter, Gracie? She has such an amazing voice, Finn, I wish you could hear her. She is quite talented, almost as much as I was at her age. And Tyler Mason next door is gifted on the piano. He has the makings to go somewhere with it. Did I mention that I miss you?"

"But I suppose those aren't the things you want to hear, are they? No, you want to hear how much I love you. Because I do, Finn, so very much. It's lonely without you and even this tiny house seems so big without you and our love to fill it up," Puck recited. "And that's where the letter ends. Rachel never finished writing the letter, but I think she ended it in the most perfect of ways because it explains my best friend completely. She's the one who has all the words, and all I have is this song. This one is for you, Rach."

Puck reached behind the altar and pulled out his previously unseen guitar. He had decided at the last minute to sing this song by after hearing it on the speaker at the grocery store the night before when he had gone after ginger ale. Rachel's morning sickness was more like midnight sickness, and it was the only thing that seemed to help. Hearing that song by The Afters had felt like a sign, and he knew that he was meant to give her the gift of these words.

"Living and dying, laughing or crying, if we have the whole world or have nothing," Puck sang as he strummed his guitar in time. "I know there are long nights but we'll make it. With every sunrise comes a new light and all of the things that make us feel like we have it all. All of the times that make us realize we have it all. Life is beautiful."

It was only a short portion of the longer song but it was all that he needed. As he strummed the last chord he rested the guitar against his knee. "Tina Cohen-Chang is going to allow me to accompany me on a few more words for Rachel and Finn," he told them before gesturing toward his friend. The Asian girl passed by Rachel with a soft smile before standing next to Puck behind the microphone. The opening notes of Ben Harper's "Waiting on Angel" wafted through the air and filled the intimate chapel to the rafters.

"Waiting on an angel, one to carry me home," Tina sang perfectly. "Hope you come to see me soon because I don't want to go alone."

Awhile later, after Tina and Puck had finished the song and Kurt and Blaine had barely gotten through "Blackbird" and Bishop Hardison had led them all to the gravesite for their final goodbye, Rachel was hiding in the bathroom of the dining hall where the church was providing dinner for the family. All of her friends from high school were there and a few ladies from the base. She knew that she should do the polite thing and greet her guests, but she wasn't feeling like playing the part of the perfect host. Her fathers had taken over the role for her, smiling graciously in her place as they accepted the words of sympathy and gave vague answers when people asked of her plans.

A soft knock came at the door and Rachel looked up at the mirror over the sink to see Noah's eyes staring at her in the reflection. "Mind if I hide out here with you for a few?" he asked without waiting for her to answer before shutting the door behinhermit. "They know you're Jewish, right? I can't believe they only have ham."

"I don't eat meat, Noah," she reminded him uselessly. It wasn't like she was eating anyhow. Puck had agreed to give her a reprieve for today after she had nearly thrown up her tea this morning. Her nerves were shot and she couldn't deal with hovering right now. "I'm not being very polite, am I?"

"I think it's allowed, Berry," he assured her as he sat down on the closed toilet lid. "San's been looking for you for awhile. I told her to give you a minute."

"Thank you. It's not that I don't want to see them..."

"You just know they'll know."

"Exactly," she confirmed shortly. She had worn an oversized swing cardigan over her black dress to hide her stomach, a crystal broach keeping it pinned closed below her chest. "I don't want to be here anymore."

"There's door at the end of the hall that leads outside. Where do you want to go?"

"Nowhere," Rachel answered. "Everywhere."

Puck knew that feeling. It was the same one he'd gotten when his grandmother had died and his mom made him wear that overly starched shirt to the funeral. He'd been stuck talking to all these nameless relatives that he hadn't seen since, and the only thing he could think about was ditching the ugly blue tie and running as hard and as far as his legs could carry him. When he had finally managed to escape, he had headed to the one place where the world couldn't touch him.

"I know just the place," he declared as he slid off the seat and stood up in front of her. Extending his hand out, he grabbed Rachel and tugged her out of the bathroom. After making sure that the hallway was clear, they jetted down the corridor, out the backdoor and toward his mother's waiting car. While Rachel fastened her seat belt, he sent a pair of apologetic texts to his mother and Blaine before navigating the car out of the parking lot and toward his final destination.

_**Author's Note: **Thank you again for all the adds and reviews. It means the world to me. I want to add a little incentive to transform some of those story alerts into reviews. The thirtieth person to leave me a review will get a prize, which is something I've never done before. So please review if you have time, I'd really appreciate it._


	4. Chapter 4

Rachel sat down at the desk in her childhood bedroom, her black leather planner opened in front of her. There were a lot of responsibilities that she had been putting off, and here they were, outlined perfectly for her so that she could work her way through the list and mark them off one by one. She had created a schedule for herself, a sort of time line for dealing with the grief in an appropriate manner. The day after the funeral and a week after the black car had pulled up in front of her house in Kentucky, she had decided that it was time to start dealing. She figured if she treated it like anything else she had in her life and set a goal for herself, she would do everything in her power to achieve it. It all sounded good in her head at least, but so far, a week into it, she hadn't managed to mark one thing off her to-do list.

The day of the funeral, she had sort of fallen off the face of the world for a few hours. After Noah had graciously helped her escape from the hall, they had ended up at this creek on the edge of town. Once Rachel had abandoned her heels and he had peeled off his shirt, they had waded in the cool water and just forgot that anything else existed. They had been out there for hours, and honestly, it was the only time Rachel had managed to stop thinking since those two men had showed up to tell her that Finn was dead. When she had told Noah as much, he had only smiled sadly and dipped below the water. Later, when day had given way to night and they were sitting on the edge wrapped in the blanket he'd found in his mom's trunk, he told her that it was okay to forget for awhile. Reality would always be there to deal with afterward.

She'd also told him thank you for reading her letter and helping Tina with the song and working on the REO Speedwagon with Mr. Schuester without her knowing about it. He had only ducked his head a little and shrugged before muttering that it was the least he could do. She could see that he was dealing with his own loss but didn't have it in her to ask how he was coping. Rachel knew that it was selfish, but she wanted for it to be all about her right now. She couldn't deal with how hard this was for anyone else.

Now, a few days later, she was at her fathers' house alone for the first time since _it_ happened. Noah had left early that morning to go back to Los Angeles for two days, just long enough to empty out his apartment, give up his lease and quit his job. He needed to grab a few things that mattered and unload the things that didn't. He'd be back the day after tomorrow to go with her to Kentucky so she could figure out what she wanted to do next. Rachel had tried to convince him to go back to California and the future that he had started to build for himself, but Puck didn't seem to have any of it. He had simply, insistently, told her that he needed to take care of her and that he would not be staying anywhere she wasn't for a long time to come. She'd only cried a little bit when she'd hugged him and whispered her gratitude in his ear.

Rachel looked down at the calendar and shook her head. There was still so much to do. She had penciled all her appointments into the book, and the most glaring one was next week. It was part of the reason they were heading back to Kentucky so quickly. She had to go to the doctor and didn't want to tell anyone in her family why she needed to be back until after it was over. Puck had tried to convince her to tell her fathers and Finn's parents more than once, but she insisted that she needed to get clearance one last time before telling anyone else. He had promised that he would come with her and sit in the doctor's office just in case. She wouldn't be going to do anything about the baby that didn't include him from now on.

It was nice how he was there for her without any questions asked. It almost felt as though Finn had picked his childhood best friend specifically to be her guardian angel. She wasn't entirely convinced that was exactly why Puck felt so obligated to be by her side, but between their sordid past and Beth and all of the Quinn mess, she didn't really want to figure it out. She just needed Noah right now, and she knew that Finn would be glad that someone was there for her. God, she missed him.

Her eyes scanned the room before falling on the bulletin board on the back of her bedroom door. She could see snapshots from high school still pinned there. They were mostly of the Glee Club, and her favorite had always been the one from Nationals junior year. It was of just her and Finn standing in the spotlight, the rest of the gang hidden in the shadows while they kissed in the foreground. Tears prickled her brown eyes as she gazed at her husband. He had been so wonderful, so special, and now all of that was gone.

With a deep breath, Rachel returned her attention to her planner. The doctor's appointment wasn't the only obligation. There were thank-you cards to write and dishes to return. She wanted to find a support group with other wives that might be able to help her with everything. It's exactly the kind of thing she'd recommend if it was someone else. She needed to call the bank and stop by the lawyer's office and finally look at that brochure of gravestones that was still sitting downstairs on the dining room table. There were students on the base to deal with and she still needed to figure out what she wanted to do about the house. There was too much to do and it was so overwhelming. That's probably why she once again closed the book and promised herself that she would get to it tomorrow.

A quiet knock a moment later surprised her. "Come in," Rachel called, turning her attention to the bedroom door. She expected to see one of her fathers. They were taking turns checking on her in the wake of Puck's temporary departure, making sure that she was eating and getting sleep and not locking herself up in here for too many hours at a time. However, she was surprised to find porcelain skin and familiar denim blue eyes staring back at her. "Oh, Kurt, it's you."

"It's me, Diva," he confirmed softly as he came into her bedroom. His eyes were watery and bloodshot, making it clear that he was just as torn up and just as lost as she was. She felt bad that she hadn't come to see him sooner, but he had Blaine to make sure that he was okay. Rachel had understandably had her own stuff to deal with. "I just wanted to come check on you. Carole was going to do it, but Dad convinced her that I should probably go. How you doing?"

"About as good as you," she told him truthfully, gesturing toward her bed for him to sit down. She climbed out of the desk chair and came over to sit next to him on the mattress. "I've kind of gotten used to missing him, you know? He's been gone so long that sometimes I wake up and think he's still over there. And then this overwhelming realization hits me and I remember all over again what happened. Isn't that the most peculiar thing?" Rachel was quiet for a moment before pressing on. "Anyhow, I suppose that will pass in time. I am going to get into a support group, maybe even see a therapist. There is a healthy way to deal with this, and I have all the resources at my exposure to handle this correctly."

Kurt couldn't help but shake his head just a little. It was just like Rachel to answer him the way that she had. "Well, I suppose that's a start," he shrugged uselessly. "Me, I've just been eating a lot of empty calories and watching old Audrey Hepburn movies while Blaine rubs my hair. It seems to be helping a little."

"Yes, well, we all have our ways," Rachel smiled. "I'm so sorry that I haven't been there for you, Kurt. I know that I haven't exactly been around, but you've lost your brother too. I've been so wrapped up in my own grief that I haven't acknowledged how difficult this is for you. Finn loved you very much. He was so proud of what you were doing in New York and the way that you were making your dreams come true. He'd always tell me when you sent him something. I hope you know that. He couldn't have been happier to have you as a brother."

"I know, Rach," he said and Kurt did. Despite their rough beginnings, he knew what it meant to Finn to have him as a brother. They were both proud to be part of the Hudson-Hummel family. A sudden sob wracked his fragile so completely that his ribs ached, and he felt Rachel wrap her arms around his torso. "He was proud of you too, Diva, so glad that you were his wife. And I'm glad too because I get to have you as my official sister now. You made both of us better. You don't need to worry about me or yourself. We're both going to be just fine. Finn wouldn't want it any other way."

The two of them sat for another hour just talking about anything and everything, remembering little flashes of Finn from the past and talking about how Kurt was doing in New York. They talked about Blaine and how Kurt would be going back to NYADA next week. She asked about Burt and then about Carole, promising him that she would try to make it by his parents' house before she went back down to Kentucky. By the time he left so that he could go meet Blaine for dinner, Rachel was feeling a little bit better. It really was nice having Kurt as a brother.

Deciding to capitalize on that positive momentum, she opened her planner back up and spotted a couple easier tasks on the list that she could knock out before she had to meet her fathers for dinner. After she had changed out of her pajamas and into a suitable pair of jeans and oversized sweater, she headed downstairs to her kitchen to grab some of those dishes that needed returning. Rachel scribbled a quick note on the counter in case one of her fathers got home early and headed out to the garage where their spare car was at her disposal.

The Train song playing on the radio was the first she'd sung along to since the funeral, and she smiled a little to herself when she turned it up and allowed her voice to fill up the car. She made her way across town and down a familiar tree-lined street in one of Lima's nicest neighborhoods. Rachel hadn't spent a lot of time there in high school but had made a few trips to the picturesque Tudor a few times senior year. Still, as she parked her dad's BMW at the curb, she couldn't help but remember how intimidated she had once been about coming here.

With a clean casserole dish tucked under her arm, Rachel rang the doorbell and waited for someone to open the front door. "Rachel," Quinn greeted her, not bothering to hide the surprise in her voice. Rachel smiled at her and extended the dish toward her. "Uh, thanks, you want to come in?"

"Sure, Quinn, that would be nice," Rachel accepted graciously. She suddenly didn't want to do this anymore. She just wanted to return the two other dishes in her car and put her pajamas back on. However, she was already here and she wouldn't be rude. So she followed Quinn into her parents' formal living room and sat primly on the edge of the Victoria sofa that sat beneath a huge oil painting of Quinn. "So I haven't had the chance to properly thank you, but I just wanted to let you know how much we appreciated the vegan lasagna. It was very thoughtful of you to consider my dietary preferences. And I also wanted to let you know that I appreciated your presence at Finn's funeral. I know he would be happy that you were there."

Quinn honestly thought it was a little weird that Rachel was thanking her for coming to a funeral, let alone one that she'd planned for her husband who also happened to be Quinn's ex-boyfriend. "No problem, of course I'd be there," she retorted. "How are you doing, Rachel? I know that we haven't had a chance to talk, but Santana said you were holding up okay."

While Rachel wasn't exactly sure how Santana Lopez knew anything about how she was doing, she figured that Noah had been keeping some of their mutual friends apprised of her status. "Day by day," she answered. "There is still a lot to be done."

"I talked to him, you know?"

Rachel was taken aback. "Talked to who?"

"To Finn, maybe two weeks before it happened," she confessed quietly. "He called one day when he couldn't get a hold of you or his mother. I guess Kurt told him that I'd won that award at Yale and called to congratulate me. He sounded happy when he talked about you, Rachel. I just thought you should know that. You made him happy in a way that I never could."

A look of mutual understanding passed between the two great loves of Finn Hudson's lives. They both had something that the other could never give him. Rachel had felt inadequate to Quinn Fabray in many ways for many years, but after she had gotten the proverbial brass ring, she had lost a part of that. The silly little girl inside of her felt like she had won. As she looked at her former nemesis, she knew that they had both won. They'd both known and loved Finn in their own ways. He wouldn't have been who he was without either one of them.

"Finn loved you very much, Quinn, and I know that you loved him as well. It's strange that it took all of this for me to finally make peace with it, but you had a special place in his heart," Rachel told her. "I am very grateful that you two had that time together because it led him to me and it gave you the life that you were meant to live."

Quinn didn't understand how Rachel could think of anyone but herself at a time like this, but in the selfless way that she seemed to live, the tiny brunette was still finding ways to drop these little bombs at the strangest of times. It was a gift, these words, one that she didn't exactly deserve. "Thanks, Rachel," she replied. "And you know, you're my friend, too. I'm here if you need to talk to someone, you know, a woman. Or if you just want to eat ice cream and watch _Steel Magnolias_ and cry. Whatever, just give me a call."

"I might just take you up on that."

The two girls talked for a few more minutes before Rachel noticed the time on the mantle clock and told Quinn that she had to meet her fathers for dinner. The blonde walked her to the door, hugging her briefly, and made Rachel promise that they would get together before she went back to Kentucky for good. By the time Rachel had finally gotten back into the car, she was too emotionally drained to return the other two dishes waiting in the passenger seat for her. Those would just have to hold for another day.

Several hours later, after an impressive Italian dinner with her fathers and watching a few movies with them on the couch downstairs, she finally slipped back into her pajamas and climbed under the covers. Rachel relished the quiet darkness in her bedroom. It was the first night she would have to sleep fully alone since it had happened. She had thought all day that she was going to be fine, but now, in the dark, she knew that it wouldn't be as simple. She could easily creep down the hallway and seek solace in her fathers, but they weren't the kind of comfort. No, the only thing that would satisfy her had her reaching for her cell phone from her night stand and blindly dialing a number in the dark. He answered on the first ring.

"Hey, Berry, what's wrong? Is everything okay?" she could hear the panic in his voice, and he suddenly felt even further away than just halfway across the country. She had quickly gotten used to having Puck there to keep her company when the thoughts got too loud. "Rach? You there?"

"Yes, Noah, I apologize. I'm here," she said finally. "I just can't sleep, so I thought I would call to see how things were going in California."

"Just packing up the last of the apartment," he told her. "I donated most of it to Goodwill, but I am going to ship a few things tomorrow morning. They should get to Ma's in a few days. I sold my truck, so I'll have to get one when I get back to Lima. Other than signing a few forms tomorrow morning, everything's pretty much done for me here."

"Good."

"What's that, Berry? Missing the Puckerone already?" he teased her because he could sense that she needed to smile. "You keep that up and I'll start thinking you're glad I've been hanging around and pestering you so much. Speaking of which, did you eat today?"

"Yes, all three meals," she answered dutifully. "I went out to dinner with Dad and Daddy tonight at Breadstix, and I even managed visits with Kurt and Quinn today. You'd be proud of me, Noah."

"Always am, babe," he murmured over the line. "So what's this about not being able to sleep? What can we do?"

Rachel snuggled down into the covers deeper and allowed her eyes to fall shut. "Maybe you could sing a little," she suggested. "Music has a very soothing effect."

She could hear rustling and guessed correctly that he was reaching for his guitar. "Any requests?"

"Anything, Noah, I just want to hear you sing."

"I'm gonna start in the middle of this one, but I think you'll like it all the same."

Rachel pressed the phone against her ear and settled into the darkness as he began to strum. She recognized the song instantly. While it was usually an energetic pop melody, he had stripped it down to be an acoustic ballad. It fit his voice perfectly and almost told him as much until he launched into the first verse. She was glad he hadn't chosen a sad song. It felt really nice to smile.

"Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out, sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now. We are god of stories but please tell me what there is to complain about," he sang in his perfect tenor voice. "When you're happy like a fool, let it take you over. When everything is out, you gotta take it in."

He didn't falter once as he strummed the familiar song. "Oh, this is gotta be the good life. This has gotta be the good life. This could really be a good, good life." The words could have broken her heart a little but they somehow felt like a promise. Like maybe it would eventually be okay like he had promised her that first day. "Hopelessly, I feel like there might be something that I'll miss. Hopelessly, I feel like the window closes oh, so, quick. Hopelessly, I'm taking a mental picture of you now 'cause hopelessly the hope is we have so much to feel good about. Oh, this is gotta be the good life. This has gotta be the good life. This could really be a good, good life."

He allowed the last word to fade away with the gentle chord before she heard him shift the guitar away. "You think you could sleep now, babe?"

Rachel smile and nodded before realizing he couldn't see her. "Yes, thank you, Noah, that was wonderful," she whispered with a little yawn. "I quite liked it. I think you were right. Despite everything, maybe it could still be good again some day. At least I hope so. The alternative just seems too depressing to even consider."

"Then don't, Rach," he told her. "At least not tonight. There'll be time for that later. For now, just get some sleep."

"Good night, Noah," she said softly. "I'll see you soon."

"Just one more day," he promised quietly. "Good night, Rach."

It only took her three minutes to fall asleep after he hung up, and her fathers swore the next morning they heard her humming a certain OneRepublic song in her sleep when they came to check on her at around 2 a.m.

* * *

_Song Credit: "Good Life" by OneRepublic_


	5. Chapter 5

After Noah's impromptu lullaby, Rachel was happy that she was able to get a full and dreamless eight hours of sleep before the usual alarm on her cell phone went off. It had been weeks since she had allowed Matthew Wilder to greet her morning, but as soon as the opening chords of "Break My Stride" filled her room, Rachel found herself springing from bed. While there would be no elliptical for her, she decided that a quick walk around the neighborhood might do her some good. She could use a little fresh air and the doctor had told her light exercise would be good for the baby.

Rachel spent the next twenty minutes walking through familiar streets that she hadn't traversed in far too many months. For so long, Rachel had hungered to escape the confines of small town life, but once she had left Lima, she had immediately missed the familiarity of the known. It was comforting to know that she could call any one of her friends and meet them in a matter of minutes for a cup of tea and a long talk. She also felt safe in her hometown, something she desperately needed right now. That's why it came as no surprise to herself that she managed to find herself in front of the Puckerman household. Even though Noah was still in California, something had drawn her to the quaint little brick house a few blocks from her own.

Part of her must have known that she was headed her before she had left the house because she'd thought to grab the thank you note she'd written for Rebecca Puckerman. Rachel had planned on just mailing it at the corner mailbox, but now that she was here, she figured that she might as well deliver it in person. She was a little timid as she knocked, temporarily wondering if it was too early until she heard footsteps coming from inside. Rebecca Puckerman smiled at her brightly when she pulled the door open and quickly ushered the brunette into the kitchen.

"Can I make you a cup of tea or something, honey?" Noah's mother asked politely as she stood behind her kitchen sink. Rachel noticed not for the first time that she had the same expressive hazel eyes as her son. It was comforting. "You like honey and lemon, right? At least, I think that's how you take it."

"That would be lovely, Mrs. Puckerman, thank you," Rachel replied politely as she leaned a little against the counter. "Have you spoken to Noah since he returned to California? I am very much looking forward to his return tomorrow. I am terribly grateful how supportive he has been and that he is willing to travel back to Kentucky with me to hep take care of things there."

A look of motherly pride passed through Rebecca's pretty features as she looked at Rachel. "He called me yesterday afternoon to check in. My Noah, he's a good boy, isn't he? I wasn't always sure of the path that his life would take, but I always had faith in my son," she confessed lightly as she poured a small mug of tea for Rachel and another for herself. "He's grown up a lot in the past year, even more so in the past couple weeks. I suppose I should thank you a little for that, Rachel. I know you are appreciative of his support, but I hope you know how much he appreciates you as well. Focusing on you has helped him deal with his own feelings of losing Finn."

Rachel thought briefly about how she had dated Noah their sophomore year and what life might look like if they had stayed together for more than a week. She knew that Rebecca had long wished that her son would find himself a nice Jewish girl like Rachel, and there was still a glimmer of something there in her eyes now. However, they'd both made choices that had led them to where they were now, and other than the fact that Finn was gone, she knew that she had taken the right path. There were a lot of questions about her past and uncertainties about her future, but Rachel didn't regret a single thing. Otherwise, she wouldn't have this life growing inside of her, and that was the one thing that made all of this worth it.

Rachel visited with Puck's mom for nearly an hour before apologetically excusing herself so that she could get back home for breakfast with her fathers. She knew that Noah would be calling to make sure that she ate something, and she didn't want to have to lie to him because she'd spent the entire morning hiding out at his mother's house. Besides, she knew that he had always been a little weary when it came to mixing his mother with the women in his life, and she didn't want to create any undue stress for him right now. She still needed him to hold her together.

After a nice breakfast and a quick shower, Rachel asked to borrow her father's car again so that she could return the two remaining dishes still stashed in their backseat. She decided to chicken out just a little and visit the easier of the two first. Fifteen minutes later, she had pulled up to a decent apartment building on the edge of Lima Heights and was knocking on the door of Apartment 3D. A sleepy Sam opened the door, his eyes wide and clearly surprised to see her.

"Rachel?" he asked tiredly, wiping absently at his face with the back of his hand. His blonde hair was sticking up in all different directions, and there was some kind of red sauce stain on the right sleeve of his Justin Bieber tee. "Um, hey. What's up? I'm surprised to see you."

"Yes, I apologize for not calling ahead, Samuel," she smiled. "I just wanted to return this dish. I realize that it might be disposable, but I would hate to waste a perfectly good baking tin. I thought maybe you could reuse it when you make some of those amazing brownies again. They were really quite good. My father said that you called for hints to make them vegan. I hope you k now that I appreciate it."

Sam waved his hand dismissively as he leaned casually on the door jamb. "It was no trouble. Do you want to come in? My apartment is kind of a disaster, but you're welcome to join me in the living room," he offered. Rachel could tell that he was embarrassed so she didn't accept his offer. He must have realized what she was doing because he stepped outside the place, leaving his door slightly ajar, and followed her out into the warm morning sun. "I know I haven't really gotten to talk to you much, but how are you holding up, Rach?"

"I have my moments, Sam," she told him honestly. "Some are really good ones, some are pretty bad. Most of them are somewhere in between. I think that I'll get more of the former eventually and hopefully far less of the latter. At least that's what they all keep telling me. You know, it supposedly gets better in time."

Not sure what to say, Sam just sort of scratched at the back of his neck and nodded his head dumbly. There was a lot look on his face that reminded her of Finn for a minute. Rachel felt her grief catch in her throat and knew one of those bad moments was about to come on. Rather than subject Sam to her inevitable breakdown, Rachel made up an excuse about needing to get going to visit someone else and gave him a quick hug before jetting back to her father's car. She managed to get around the block and into the empty high school parking lot before she broke down completely.

Rachel rubbed her stomach absently. "Baby, I'm trying to so hard to keep it together, I really am. I am so sorry your daddy isn't here, but I am going to do my best to love you enough for both of us. I promise you that," she said through the tears, gazing thoughtfully at her stomach. "I hope you have his eyes. That was always one of my favorite parts. I miss your daddy, sweet baby. I miss him so, so, so very much."

As quickly as the tears had come on, Rachel pulled herself back together and reminded herself that she had another dish to return. One foot in front of the other, that was all she could focus on right now. With the turn of the ignition, she pulled back out onto the road and turned up the radio so that Leona Lewis could drown out the sadness on her way to Brittany's house. Santana was staying there while she was home from college. Her parents still weren't thrilled with the decisions their daughter had made, so she refused to step foot into the house until they could accept who she was. Rachel admired the Latina's strength and was grateful that they had become friends. She had even gone to visit Santana a couple times while she was at school since it wasn't too far from where Rachel was living. It was nice to have a friend nearby whenever life on the base got a little too lonely.

"Rachel!" Brittany squealed as she opened the door, her big blue eyes wide and excited. Rachel allowed herself to be swept up into a tight and enthusiastic hug, thankful when Santana quietly pried her girlfriend off her. "San, look, Rach is here! You said that she was too sad to come play with us. I wanted to see if you wanted to play Uno with us, but San didn't think you would be up for it. I knew you'd come though. I'm telepathetic."

"Telepathic," Santana corrected her carefully before moving over to give Rachel a hug of her own. "Hey, Dwarf, what brings you by?"

"Just returning the container the cookies were in," she answered as she handed the Tupperware over to Brittany. She was glad that Santana wasn't treating her as if she was fragile and could break any minute. "Thank you so much for those, Brittany. They were all so beautiful. I especially loved the unicorn one with all the yellow stars. It was very thoughtful of you to remember how much I love gold stars."

"I made that one specially for you," Brittany grinned kindly. "San made the dinosaur one for Puck. Ya know, because he calls himself Puckasaurus sometimes. He thought it was pretty fun when I explained it to him. Where is Puck? I missed him while he was in California. Santana said that he was in the city with some angels. I hope he comes back soon. He's one of the only people who doesn't think I'm stupid. He says he knows I'm magic and that I just see the world differently from everybody else. Can you believe that, Rachel? He sees my powers!"

Rachel allowed her innocent enthusiasm to overtake her for a moment, wishing she could be as genuinely excited about anything and everything as Brittany. "You are definitely very special, Brittany, in the most wonderful way possible," Rachel agreed. "I am not at all surprised that Noah sees that in you. He can be very perceptive when he wants to be."

Santana hummed her agreement and the two exchanged a smile. Santana cared about Puck almost more than anyone else in the world did. He was like a brother to her, a best friend with no questions asked. Sure, they'd had their superficial disagreements, but the truth was that she had his back no matter what. They were so much alike that she could see his reasons for almost anything. She didn't really judge him, not about the stuff that mattered. She also happened to believe in him in a way that only his mother and Rachel ever had. Even when they hadn't gotten along, Santana had always known that she and Rachel were on the same side when it came to Puck.

"So I was thinking that the fall break is coming up soon," Santana announced. "Brittany is going to have a week off school, and I know that Puck is planning on sticking around Kentucky for awhile. The four of us should get together and hang out while Brittany is down visiting me. I'm trying to convince her that she should consider going to school there, but she keeps insisting that New York is where it's at. I don't get what's so special about New York."

A wistful smile lit Rachel's face. "Everything," she said dreamily. "But Kentucky can really be quite charming, Brittany. I look forward to spending time with both of you while you are visiting. I am not sure how long Noah is going to be at Fort Knox, but I am sure that he would be happy to see you both while he is there."

"I really am glad that Team Puckleberry is back on, even if it is only as friends this time," Brittany told her as she hugged her friend happily again. "I always was your biggest fan."

Some time later, Rachel's daddy called to let her know that she had a visitor waiting for her at the house. She bid both of her friends goodbye and left with a promise that they would get together back in Kentucky soon. Brittany waved excitedly as Rachel drove away, Santana's arm lazily thrown over her girlfriend's shoulders. Despite everything they'd been through, the two of them really were happy.

"Maria!"

Rachel was ecstatic to see Blaine waiting for her on the front stoop when she pulled into her fathers' driveway. With everything that had been going on, she hadn't had time to see her favorite co-star. She knew that Kurt had needed Blaine more than she did, so she hadn't even attempted to contact him since the funeral. She somehow just knew that he would seek her out when the time was right. Now, as she threw her arms around him and buried her face in his navy blue polo shirt, she was glad that time had finally come.

"Oh, Blaine, I am so happy to see you," she whimpered softly as he reached up to stroke her dark hair.

"Kurt thought you could probably use a visit, and truthfully, I think he needed a break from me. I have been hovering a little since he's been back in Lima," Blaine revealed. "I just haven't gotten to see him much and with everything...Anyhow, yeah, so I've kind of been around him a lot."

"I'm glad that he has someone there to support him," she said as she took his hand and led him into the house. Blaine followed her up the stairs and sat down at her desk while she laid down on her side on the bed. "How's he doing, Blaine? I mean, really doing? And Carole? I feel atrocious for not being around more. It's just too hard."

"They understand, Rach," he assured her. "Kurt is doing okay. He has his moments. Carole is basically a mess, but Burt is keeping both of them together. He's so strong."

"You too, Blaine, you're good for Kurt."

He blushed a little. "We're good for each other. I'm just glad that he is letting me be there for him and isn't pushing me out. I was afraid he wouldn't let me in, but this has brought us closer than ever before. I didn't really think that was possible," he tried to explain. "And I should ask, how is Puck? I know that he's been helping you out."

"He's been my saving grace," she agreed with a fond smile. "Noah is a good friend. I never thought that I would get to say that, but he's been amazing, Blaine. I wouldn't have made it this far without him. I think Finn sent him here to take care of us."

"Us?"

Realizing her mistake, Rachel quickly backtracked. "My fathers and me. He's been helping them take care of me because it's been so hard on both of them. They worry about me, and it makes it a little easier to have him around to bear some of that. Besides, I think Noah feels like he is still making up the whole Quinn thing to Finn. He failed his best friend terribly once a time, and even if Finn forgave him, Noah hasn't fully forgiven himself yet. I think taking care of me gives him some kind of purpose."

"Well, it's nice that you have each other, but you know that he's not the only one who cares, right? We all love you so much, Rachel," Blaine reminded her. "Don't be afraid to lean on any of us – on all of us. One text, one email, one phone call and you know that we'll all be there for you."

"I know," she smiled back at him. Once upon a time, she had been a girl with no friends, and now she had so many people who loved her unconditionally. She was a little tired and arched her back with a deep stretch as she glanced at the alarm clock on her bedside table. It was already near dinner time, and most of the day was gone. "So tell me about school. How is Glee this year without us?"

Blaine smiled and shrugged. "Not quite the same," he told her truthfully, "but I think we're still doing pretty good. Tina and I make an interesting pair as co-captains. We have some decent talent with the new kids. Plus, you heard her at the funeral. Her voice is getting stronger, Rach. I think it was great that you asked her to sing that song. It really suited her voice."

"Tina has always had a lovely voice. She hasn't always believed that, of course, but being with Michael has given her confidence," Rachel agreed. "And I have no doubt that with you by her side, New Directions will once again take Nationals by storm. What songs are you working on?"

"Schue has been on this whole genre exploration kick. We're doing this country song called 'Good Night' as a duet with Tina and I on lead. Brittany is leading a four-part harmony on 'Little Talks' from Of Monsters and Men. I want to do a Hall & Oates song too, but we haven't perfected the other two just yet. I was thinking about maybe–"

A knock interrupted Blaine mid-sentence as her dad stuck his head in the door. "Rach, you have more company."

"Who is it?"

"I'll just send them up," Hiram said before leaving her door open part way.

A minute later, Puck threw his duffel bag on the plush carpet outside her door and stuck his head inside her bedroom. Rachel squealed as she leapt from the bed, rushing into her friend's waiting arms excitedly. Puck hugged her tightly as he buried his nose into her hair. "Miss me, babe?" he asked rhetorically as she nodded insistently against him. He pulled back slightly to look down into her eyes, asking silently how she was doing. She cocked her head to the side and shrugged a little before grinning up at him. Puck pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead and resisted reaching down to pat her stomach to greet the baby. Instead, he hugged her again and bent to whisper, "Missed you too, Rach, so fucking much."

Rachel swatted his hand playfully at the curse word as Puck moved away to greet Blaine. The two exchanged some intricate handshake that Rachel was sure had meant something in their high school fight club. "I should probably get going," Blaine said. "I told Kurt I wouldn't be gone long. We're supposed to make dinner for Carole tonight. You should come by soon, Rach. I'm getting pretty handy around the kitchen. Bring Puck, there is always a ridiculous amount of food, and I am sure Carole would love to see you both."

"Yeah, man, we'll have to work something out," Puck said as he followed Blaine toward the door. "I'm just going to walk Blaine out, Rach. I'll be back and you can yell at me for cutting out of LA early. I'm sure you're just waiting to lecture me about my responsibilities."

The two old friends stood staring at each other in the Berrys' driveway, Puck with his hands shoved in his pockets and Blaine twirling his keychain around his right index finger. "How'd she seem when you came over?" Puck asked Blaine. "I mean, really? Not the polite answer but the truth."

"She seemed like Rachel," he answered honestly. "Maybe a little tired but she's still in there. She was happy to see you, so that's a start. You've been good for her, Puck. For whatever reason, you're what is making her feel safe right now. She's gonna need that, you know? I'm glad you can be there for her."

"I'm not going anywhere, Anderson," Puck pledged. "She's my responsibility now, and I like _want_ to be there for her. I dunno. I think it's what Finn would want. He wouldn't want her to be alone."

"Of course not," Blaine said. "Just give her some time, man. Don't push too hard. I can already see your heart is in it, Puck, and I know eventually you're going to see it too. I just don't want you to freak out when you realize it too. You can't cut and run on her. She can't handle that."

Puck thought about defending himself but knew that his friend was right. He had always cared about Rachel in a way that went a little beyond friendship, but now wasn't even close to being the time to start to think about that. Rachel needed him to be a friend, to be her best friend, and that's exactly what he was going to do. "Thanks for the advice, Blaine, I really do appreciate it," he said finally. "And thanks for stopping by to see her. She really loves you."

"The feeling is mutual," Blaine said with a little wave.

Back upstairs, Rachel had already gotten his guitar out and was waiting for him in her bedroom. "Do you mind playing something for me? I feel like singing," she told him as she handed him a piece of sheet music from her massive collection. He recognized it a little and started to play the upbeat alternative piece.

"I'm running out of ways to make you see you I want you to stay here beside me. I won't be okay and I won't pretend I am," Rachel sang, her dark eyes squeezed shut. Her pitch was still as perfect as ever but that's not what made it beautiful. Puck could tell that she was feeling every syllable of every word. "So just tell me today and take my hand. Please take my hand, please take my hand."

Puck joined her on the chorus, their voices melting together. "Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back. It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind, only love."

Rachel opened her eyes for a moment to smile at him before letting them flutter close again. He ignored the twist of something familiar in his heart and focused on strumming all the right notes. "It's so simple and you know it is. You know it is, yeah, we can't be to and fro like this all our lives. You're the only way to me. The path is clear, what do I have to say to you? For God's sake dear."

She stood up and moved to the middle of the room, turning her face heavenward as if she was trying to send the words across the miles. Puck smiled up at the ceiling and thought of his best friend, hoping he could hear the song both of them were dedicating to him. "Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back. It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind, only love," they sang in unison. "Just say yes 'cuz I'm aching and I know you are too, for the touch of your warm skin as I breathe you in."

Puck watched as Rachel came over and stood in front of him, pressing one hand firmly over his chest and then the other over her stomach. She looked down into his hazel eyes intently, and he got that this next part was about him. "I can feel your heart beat through my shirt. This is all I wanted, all I want, it's all I want," she sang, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. He knew that she wasn't asking for affection or love or anything romantic. She was asking him to stay, to take care of her, to be her family if only temporarily. "Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back. It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind, only love. Just say yes 'cuz I'm aching and I know you are too."

He reached up to cover her hand on her womb and nodded a little before coming on the last line. "For the touch of your warm skin as I breathe you in," he sang with her. They were both crying by the time he unwound his guitar from his neck and brought her close to him for a hug. "I got you both, Rach, I promise. I promise I'm not going anywhere."

_Song Credit: "Just Say Yes" by Snow Patrol_


	6. Chapter 6

The next few days crept by slowly, and Rachel found herself crawling out of her skin. With her fathers perpetually hovering nearby, she was itching to get a little bit of freedom and get back to her house in Kentucky. She missed her routine, walking to the mailbox and waving at her neighbors while taking in the quaint neighborhood and heavenly fresh air. Rachel wasn't naïve enough to think that everything would be the same when she got back to the base, but she needed to get out of Lima. She loved her friends and family, but everyone was walking around on eggshells around her.

She wasn't the only one ready to get out of Ohio. Puck had spent enough nights on the couch at the Berry household. It wasn't that he wasn't grateful for their hospitality, and he knew that Rachel still wanted him nearby. It was just hard to get any kind of privacy with Hiram and Leroy constantly checking to make sure that he was okay. Their polite hovering paired with his mother's constant barrage of questions was starting to wear on him. That's precisely why it took Puck less than two hours to get the car packed when Rachel said she was ready to head back to Kentucky. They could both use a little bit of an escape.

So they told their parents goodbye in the Berrys' driveway, exchanging hugs as Hiram and Rebecca did their best to keep the tears at bay. Leroy was only minutely more composed, but even he nearly lost it when Burt and Carole showed up to bid Rachel and Puck farewell. Rachel promised to call everyone when they got settled back at her house, including Rebecca, and crawled into the truck Puck had bought the day before from a used lot on the edge of town. With a container of sugar cookies between them and a thermos of coffee in the console, they waved goodbye to their families and looked forward to the drive ahead.

Rachel had been even more relieved to arrive in Fort Knox than she had been to leave Lima. She wasn't surprised to see yellow ribbons tied around the trees in her neighborhood and the overflowing stack of mail waiting for her on the small table in her foyer. Puck brought in their stuff and she silently went about throwing together a light dinner in the kitchen. Once he had stowed his stuff in the den and hers in her room just down the hall, he came up behind her at the counter and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"What ya makin', Berry?"

"Just a quick vegetable soup, nothing fancy," she replied tiredly. Puck looked sideways at her and noticed for the first time just how exhausted she was. Carefully nudging her out of the way, he took over cooking duties and told her to get off her feet. "Sorry, I'm just more tired than I expected. I probably should have taken you up on your offer to pick up dinner in town."

"Don't worry about it, Rach, I don't mind," he assured her before turning the stove down so that the hearty concoction could simmer for a few minutes. "So we have that doctor's appointment tomorrow, right?"

Rachel's face lit up in a happy smile. "Yep. I never thought I would be so excited to go to the doctor."

"Me neither," Puck teased as he sat down on the stool next to her. "Have you thought about what you would like to have? I mean, I always imagined this miniature version of you, a diva who knew what she wanted out of live coming out of the womb."

"You thought about what my daughter would be like?" she asked, sending a scarlet blush up Puck's throat. Still, he couldn't help but nod at her pretty smile. "Honestly, though, I really don't care which it is. Of course, I would love for the baby to be healthy, but whatever God has in store for me is exactly what I am meant to have. I used to think I could plan everything. I guess you know that about me. The past six months have proven to me that all the planning in the world can't sway fate. Sometimes life just happens to you and you have to roll with it."

Puck tapped her wrist absently. "That sounds more like me than you, Berry," he pointed out. He had always been the go-with-the-flow type, mostly because it was easier than planning. Rachel had been confident in her star power since birth. "You don't regret anything?"

"I'm not sure that regret is the right word exactly," she tried to explain. "I mean, I will always wonder a little bit about what might have been, but I know now that my life was meant to take another route. I don't think I could have seen that a year ago, but it's clear as day to me now. New York, Broadway – all of that is wonderful and just might still happen some day, but my dreams changed the minute I realized I had missed my period. I always wanted to have kids, just later in life. Now I think that maybe the muses reshuffled my little plan, and if the other stuff never comes, I will be okay knowing that I loved Finn deeply during our time together and that love gave me this child."

Pure wonder was the only way to describe how Puck was gazing at her. He was in awe of her maturity, how grown up she sounded. She had always seemed older than their friends, but this was different. It was something that came along with being a parent, that edge of something different that he had found himself after Beth was born. Unlike Quinn, he had embraced it from the beginning, no matter what anyone else thought. Rachel had always seen that in him, and he was glad that he could see it in her now.

"So other than the doctor's appointment, what else do we have on the agenda for this week?" he asked, changing the subject as he returned to the stove to serve the soup. He looked in the cupboard for a box of crackers and poured two glasses of ice water to complete the meal. "I'm sure you're not ready to start going through his things yet, but maybe we could go meet with those guys who are going to go over the benefits with you. And my mom found the number for the support group you mentioned. I could get some more information about that."

"That'd be nice. Thank you, Noah," she replied before taking a bite of the soup. She was happy that he was thinking for her because she couldn't really focus on anything other than taking care of the baby and going to the doctor. "You're right. I know that I will need to go through the closet and such before I move, but until I know where I'm going, I just want to leave it for the time being. I don't think I could bear going in there to see it empty."

After they had both eaten and the kitchen was cleaned up, they watched a little television in the living room until Rachel starting yawning relentlessly. Puck sent her to bed while he stayed behind to watch SportsCenter and text Mike about the upcoming football season. She had been gone for about a half hour when he heard her scream down the hallway, sending him running toward her bedroom. She was sitting up in the dark when he came in, clutching her stomach as audible sobs filled the room. Puck knelt down beside the bed without flipping on the light and reached for her hand, rubbing soothing circles on her palm until she controlled her breathing.

"Same one?"

"Yeah," she whispered. Her voice was so quiet that it was almost lost in the dark. She had been having them a lot the past few days, just this distorted image of Finn getting blown up before he could realize what was happening. It always shot her up in bed, screaming and crying until Noah calmed her down. "I...can you stay with me?"

Puck could think of a million things he'd rather do than sleep in here with Rachel. It wasn't that he didn't want to be by her side. It was more about his disinterest in sleeping in the room she had shared with Finn. It just felt wrong, even if nothing was going to happen between them. "I have a better idea," he suggested. "Why don't I pull the mattress of the bed in the guestroom and bring it into the living room? I'll set us up with blankets and pillows, and we can watch some of those old musicals that you were always trying to force on me in high school."

"Even _My Fair Lady_?"

"Even _My Fairy Lady_," he promised.

Rachel made it through _My Fair Lady_, _The King and I_ and _Little Shop of Horrors_ without showing any sign of falling back asleep. Puck knew what she was trying to do, but she would have to sleep eventually. So when the final scenes of the last musical faded away and the credits had rolled, Puck snapped off the television and ordered her to close her eyes. All the lights were off in the living room, only the amber glow of the streetlight illuminating the dark space. Puck started to tap out a beat on his thigh and humg softly to himself, hoping that another lullaby would convince her that it was finally safe to sleep.

"You feel like you're falling backwards, like you're slippin' through the cracks. Like no one would even notice if you left this town and never came back.. You walk outside and all you see is rain, you look inside and all you you feel is pain and you can't see it now," he sang softly. The rain started to fall lightly as if on cue, giving the moment even more emotional meaning. "But down the road, the sun is shining. In every cloud, there's a silver lining, just keep holding on. And every heartache makes you stronger, but it won't be much longer. You'll find love, you'll find peace and the you you're meant to be. I know right now that's not the way you feel, but one day you will."

Rachel recognized the song as one by the same group who'd did the song they'd sung together junior year. She could hear the pain in his voice, his need to reassure her with the lyrics and his acapella voice that it would be okay. Seeking out his hand in the dark, she carefully wove their fingers together as he sang the second verse.

"You wake up every morning and ask yourself what am I doing here anyway. With the weight of all those disappointments whispering in your ear, you're just barely hanging by a thread," he harmonized without benefit of a backtrack. "You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath and you don't know it yet, but down the road, the sun is shining..."

After he had finished singing, Puck noticed Rachel turning over toward him. "Noah?"

"Yeah, Rach?"

"Will you help me tell Carole and my fathers?" she asked nervously. It's something she had been thinking about quite a bit. "I know that they will be excited about it, but I'm also afraid that they will be angry that I've hidden it so long."

"I won't let them be," he vowed. "They will be supportive, Rach, and if for some strange reason they're not, you've got me. I'm gonna support the hell out of you."

"So eloquent, Noah," she giggled, and he could swear he saw her roll her eyes in the dark. "We should tell your mother, too. I don't know why it's so important to me that she understand this, but I need for her to get it. I want her to see I'm not being selfish and making you waste your time doting on me."

"My mom fuckin' adores you, Rach," he reminded her. "You're pretty much perfect to her."

"Your mother is lovely," she replied happily, thinking about Rebecca Puckerman's kind eyes. "You have her eyes, you know? I noticed that the other day when I went to see her. They're good eyes, very expressive. You can see everything in them, read you just like a book."

Puck scoffed a little at that. "That's only because you know how to read the difference between when I'm being Noah and when I'm being Puck. That's how my ma explains it at least," he said. "I don't really feel it, but she can always see it. She says it's like a switch flips in my eyes, getting darker when I'm Puck and lighting up the whole world when I'm Noah. She told me when I was home that Noah seems to be winning out right now."

"She's right," Rachel confirmed. "I much prefer Noah to Puck. He's always been my favorite."

"I'll have to keep that in mind," he yawned. "Now get some sleep, Berry. We have an appointment tomorrow that I do not intend to miss."

Rachel giggled and brushed a kiss to the apple of his cheek before turning away from him. Puck stared up at the ceiling for a moment, allowing his eyes to close briefly while he said his prayers. When he was done and just about to drift off, he swore he heard her talking in her sleep again. It sounded too much like "You'll be a good dad, Noah" not to make him feel something. His mind just hoped that his ears hadn't betrayed him because he was pretty sure that his heart couldn't take anything else.

By the next afternoon, Rachel was ecstatic to return from her appointment with a clean bill of health. Puck had treated her to lunch at her favorite little cafe just off the base before dropping her back at the house so he could make a trip to the market. She had planned just to nap while he picked up everything from her extensive shopping list. It also have him a little time to think about just how monumental the day had already been for them. Hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time made everything feel very real to him, and he couldn't help but be excited about what laid in store. As he gazed at the print out of the sonogram he'd tucked into the speedometer of his truck, it felt so much like he had the first time he'd seen images of an unborn Beth.

Rachel had brought up talking to their families again on the drive back from the doctor's office. Shex had emailed each set of parents and set up a single time so that everyone could hear the news at the same time. He had wondered aloud if she should tell Carole or her fathers separately, but Rachel refused to give it any kind of specific priority order. They all, including his own mother, deserved to hear it at the same time. Though they hadn't formally discussed it yet, there seemed to be a quiet understanding between Rachel and Puck that he was going to stay for the duration of her pregnancy. If he was going to support her, she knew that he was going to need his mother to be on board. Rachel wanted Rebecca to feel as much a part of this as the grandparents. She planned on making sure the elder Puckerman had a significant role in this child's future.

It only took him just over an hour to get everything Rachel needed at the grocery store. He stopped by a bakery Rachel had mentioned to see if they had this vegan apple cake that she kept craving, hoping to surprise her with a piece to go with the stirfry dinner he had promised to make her. By the time he finally got home, it had been two hours since he had left her. What he came to was not the same happy Rachel that he had dropped off at home just a little bit before.

There was an empty box in the foyer when he came in, packing bubbles and newspaper strewn all over. Puck followed the path down the hallway toward Rachel's room. It was only then that he heard the barely audible sobs. He pressed the door open and found her standing in the middle of the floor, her face buried in a tan coat. He could see the edge of an American flag patch on one shoulder and Finn's name embroidered on the chest. Rachel had mentioned that some of his things were being send back from Afghanistan. He had mentally predicted that it would be a disaster when the package came, but he had not expected it to arrive so soon.

"Rach," he said softly, coming over to see if he could pry the jacket out of her hand. She only clutched onto the twill fabric harder, pressing her face deeper into it as though she was looking for any sign that he had left it behind.

"It still smells like him a little, Noah, I swear," she told him numbly, not bothering to lift her face from where it was buried. "It still smells like my Finn."

After making a transatlantic trip and far too many days in the desert, Puck seriously doubted that it really smelled like his best friend. However, he also understood that wasn't what mattered here. Rachel needed to believe that it did so that she could have some kind of connection to Finn. It felt like a giant step back in the progress she had slowly been making, but he knew that it was one that she needed. There would no doubt be another when they went through his closet or got a piece of mail with his name on it or found a stray note he'd jotted on the back of an telephone book. They were the tiny, unpredictable things that could both comfort and sadden the living.

So rather than try to find words to comfort Rachel, he turned to the one thing that was always seemed to get through to her. He felt like he had been singing a lot to Rachel lately, but it always made her happy afterward. And with the baby, it wasn't a trend he expected to go away soon. He knew that music was supposed to help babies develop, and he wanted this child to come out of the womb knowing his voice. Puck reached for the coat again gently, pressing his forehead to hers so that their faces were mere inches apart, and felt her finally just let go.

"You were just a small bump unborn, four months then brought to life. You might be left with your daddy's hair," Puck sang, changing a couple words to fit the situation, "but you'll have your mother's eyes. I'll hold your body in my hands, be gentle as I can, but for now, you're scan of my unmade plans. Small bump, you're four months brought to life."

Rachel's erratic breath had slowed and evened out, tickling his cheek, while he sang to her gently. They were so close now, just the two of them standing there in her dark bedroom. "I'll whisper quietly, I'll give you nothing but truth. If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you," he harmonized easily. His hands fell down to the sides of her stomach. "You are my one and only. You can wrap your fingers 'round my thumb and hold me tight. Oh, you are my one and only. You can wrap your fingers 'roung my thumb and hold me tight. And you'll be alright."

Puck knew the transition in her crying from tears of sadness to tears of stunned awe. "You're just a small bump unknown, you'll grow into your skin. With a smile like hers and a dimple beneath your chin," he continued, rubbing gently on her side with one hand before reaching up to cup her cheek with the other. She smiled against his chin as she dipped her head slightly with a pretty blush. "Fingernails the size of a half grain of rice and eyelids closed, soon to be wide. A small bump, in four months you'll open your eyes."

After repeating the bridge and the chorus again, Puck got to the part of the story that he needed both Rachel and the baby to hear and understand. You can lie with me, with your tiny feet, when you're half asleep. I'll leave you be, right in front of me for a couple weeks so I can keep you safe. 'Cause you are my one and only. You can wrap your fingers 'round my thumb and hold me tight," he sang on. Puck dropped both his hands between them again, grasping hers on the way down and pressing them over her stomach. He curled his thumbs around hers symbolically, hoping that the small gesture conveyed what he meant. "You are my one and only. You can wrap your fingers 'round my thumb and hold me tight and you'll be alright."

_Song Credits: "One Day You Will" by Lady Antebellum and "Small Bump" by Ed Sheeran. This chapter is dedicated to the incomparable Ayshen, the thirtieth reviewer and a longtime supporter who has followed me around my many fandoms over the year. It is very much appreciated._


	7. Chapter 7

"Rachel Barbra Berry, exactly how long have you known this and been keeping it from me?"

"Our star is having a baby..."

"What a simcha!"

"Wait, wait, wait, hold on. So I get to be a guncle?"

"I hope it's a boy so he can learn about football. Finn would've loved that."

"I call dibs on wardrobe design, Diva."

"I know, right? Let's just hope it's a Browns fan. I don't even want to imagine if it comes out loving the Bengals. I'm not sure I could love it then."

"Oh."

Rachel listened silently from her bedroom as the various reactions poured in. She could hear Noah talking animatedly both on the other end of the line and just down the hallway from where he had set up station at the kitchen table. Rachel had insisted that they both be on the call but that they be in different rooms. She didn't want to watch all his emotions play out on his face. If he was there with her physically, she might just throw in the towel and let him do all the dirty work for her. This was her confession to make, and she needed to be sure she was strong enough alone to do it.

It wasn't that everyone wasn't supportive. In fact, they had reacted mostly as she had expected. Her fathers had been both slightly upset that she had dealt with the issue this long alone (Hiram) and overwhelmed with joy that they were going to be grandfathers soon (Leroy). Rebecca's Yiddish indicated that she saw the news as a blessing, while Kurt was mostly just concerned that they baby be adequately styled. Blaine seemed excited at the prospect of being a gay uncle, and Burt was hoping for a boy so that he could finally teach someone about his favorite sport. Of course, Puck being Puck, he had to chime in and bash the Bengals at any chance. It was only Carole's quiet, one-word reply that left her slightly jarred.

"Rachel, if I may ask, when did you find out?" Rebecca asked politely.

"Ma!" Puck protested instantly. He could almost feel Rachel cringing fifteen away from him, tucked beneath her favorite throw blanket behind the heavy oak door that separated them. He had wanted to be in there with her, holding her hand to make sure that she was okay.

Rachel exhaled with a slightly awkward giggle. "Noah, it's fine," she assured him. "I found out about two months ago. I wanted to make sure that everything was alright through the first trimester before I told anyone, even Finn. We hadn't really had much of a chance to talk. I don't know. Anyhow, I'm in my fourth month now. Noah accompanied me to the obstetrician yesterday morning. I will be emailing scans of the ultrasound after the conclusion of today's conference call to everyone. Please give me twenty-four hours before forwarding it on. I would like to tell the rest of my Lima friends before word gets out too much."

"Wait," Carole said hoarsely over the phone. "So my son died not knowing that he was going to be a father? You deprived him of the one piece of news that he has waited for his entire life and he was blown to pieces not knowing that his dream was coming true? How could you do that, Rachel? _Why _would you do that? It might have made a difference, it could have made him think twice..."

"Carole, honey," Burt murmured softly. "Now isn't the time. You need to give yourself some time to think so you don't say something you might regret later."

"Shut it, Burt," Carole snapped instantly. "My son, the one thing in the world that meant the most to me, is gone, and he died not knowing he was going to be a daddy. I have every right to ask questions. I have every right to be upset. What she did was selfish!"

Rachel started to cry then, just slight sniffles that blew softly into the line. Puck tucked his cell phone beneath his chin and yanked open the door to find Rachel sobbing uncontrollably into the crook of her arm. He tried to reach out to soothe her, but she recoiled at his touch. He could only sit beside her and pray that she would calm herself down without losing it with everyone in earshot.

"Carole, I understand that you are upset, and you have every right to be. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling right now," Rebecca attempted to sympathize. "But you honestly don't think Rachel is selfish and you know that this news can't change what has happened. You need to focus on the good things, like how your son will get to live on through this child. You get to be a grandmother."

"Is that how you comfort yourself when you think about that baby that your Noah gave up?"

"Hey, Mrs. Hummel, with all due respect..." Puck growled while Kurt gasped an admonished, "Carole!"

"Noah, honey, it's fine," Rebecca interrupted her son before he could say something _he_ would regret. "It actually can be somewhat comforting sometimes. I know that even if it is hard for Noah or for me, he and Quinn made the best choice possible. He is still her father, and he still gave the world an amazing gift with Beth. I am proud that she is out there somewhere and that I still get to love her."

"Carole, I understand your sadness and your frustration," Hiram told her. "I wish that Rachel had told us, including Finn, earlier, but Rebecca is right. That is not going to change anything. We have a great chance to be grandparents to this little boy or girl. Just think about the possibilities! They could end up with Finn's innocent smile or his athleticism. The child will surely be musically gifted."

"Oh, and can you imagine getting to see him or her grow up?" Leroy added. "We will always get to have a little piece of Finn. What's a better memorial to the things we leave behind than our children?"

"See, Carole, this baby is going to have so much love," Rebecca reminded her friend.

"Yeah, well, you can think all the sunshine and happy thoughts that you want," Carole bit back, "but you are not this child's grandmother. Just because your son is playing house with Rachel does not make him the father. He can't use my grandchild to replace the kid he gave up."

That last sentence was what finally brought Rachel back to life. "Excuse me?" Rachel snapped. "First of all, let me get one thing straight. Noah has been nothing short of amazing. He has taken care of me with no questions asked. You should be grateful to him, do you understand me? And we are not playing house. Don't romanticize this at all. He is keeping me together because my husband died. Do you not get that? You're not the only one who lost someone, Carole! Kurt lost his brother, Burt lost his stepson, too many people lost their friend. We're all sad, but that doesn't give us the right to treat someone poorly."

"And furthermore, I am not trying to replace Finn. He is irreplaceable and will always be this child's father. But Finn is gone, Carole, he's dead! He's not coming back," Rachel nearly yelled into the phone. "Noah is going to be here whether you like it for however long he wants to be here. He is going to be part of this child's life in some capacity, and he is going to help get me through this."

They hadn't exactly talked about time lines, so Rachel took a moment to look at him in question. Puck only nodded his head resolutely. He was all in, bound to stick by her until this kid didn't need either one of them anymore. He would want Finn to do the same if it was his child.

"And how dare you? How dare you, Carole? You really sunk so low as to bring up Beth? That makes me absolutely ill," Rachel said a little more calmly. "I will not have him attacked by you or anyone else. I am the only one who has a say in this matter. This is my child, and I will raise him or her how I see fit. I hardly think that Noah thinks that this baby will be a replacement for Beth. He is not the one who's confused here. That's clearly you. Noah is a wonderful father to Beth, and I don't care what you or anyone else has to say. He made the most selfless decision. I will not have you throwing that back in his face."

With that, Rachel pressed the end button on her phone and gently pushed Noah's mouth closed. His jaw had literally dropped in awe as she defend him so fiercely. When he finally realized that everyone else had been stunned into silence, he coughed nervously a little and then laughed. "Uh, so, I think Rachel's made herself clear."

Leroy, Kurt and Rebecca all laughed while Burt muttered a few apologetic words. "Carole hung up," he explained. "I am very sorry for the things she said, Puck. I hope you understand that's not her."

"I don't really care what she has to say about me, Mr. Hummel," Puck replied. "She can think whatever she wants about me, most people do. I do care, however, what she said about Rachel. I hope you know why Rachel did what she did."

"I do, Puck, I honestly do," he promised. "I will talk to her. Please tell Rachel I'm sorry."

"She knows, Burt," Puck assured him. "She knows that all of you care. Rach is going to be just fine. I better go though. She's not supposed to get too stressed, and this isn't really helping. I'm going to try to get her out of the house and go for a walk or something."

"Play her some Idina. That always does the trick," Hiram instructed him.

"Or some _West Side Story!_" Blaine suggested. "She loves 'Tonight.'"

"Celine always seems to cheer her up," Leroy ventured.

"Don't forget Barbra!" Kurt directed.

"Yes, Barbra," Rebecca reiterated. "She's Jewish, Noah. You know?"

"Yes, Ma, I know. Thank you for all the suggestions, but I am thinking some vegan ice cream and a foot rub will just have to suffice for both of us. I've had enough show tunes for this week," Puck chuckled. "I'll make sure that you all get those pictures, and we will keep in touch more. Just give her a few days, ya know?"

"Take care of her, Son," Leroy asked.

"Please," Hiram added.

"I will," Puck retorted. "I promise I will."

After the group exchanged a few more pleasantries, Puck hung up the phone and tossed it into the armchair in the corner of the bedroom. Rachel was playing with the buttons on her sundress in an attempt to avoid his eye contact. "Thanks for having my back, Berry."

"Oh, Noah, I can't believe she said that."

"It's not like I haven't heard it all before," he shrugged. "Quinn and her mom took turns saying some pretty shitty stuff when she was preggers. You kind of get used to it."

Rachel reached over and took his hand. "Well, no one should ever have to get used to hearing those kinds of things said about them, especially you. You know that they're not true, right? I mean it, Noah, I don't think a single thing she said had any validity when it came to you," she said urgently. She needed for him to understand. "You are wonderful to me. I know you would never use this baby because you don't get to raise Beth, and I also know that you'll want to make sure he or she knows Finn. I'm not asking you to raise this child with me. I just want him or her to know you, too. I want you to be part of its life."

"I know, babe, I get it," he replied as he rubbed his thumb over her knuckles soothingly. "But you know she wasn't right about you either. Carole's in a fucked up place right now, I get that. She can't be held responsible for what she's saying. I just don't want you to start thinkin' that you are any of those things."

She ducked her head a little and shook it. "I don't. I mean, I might have if it weren't for you, but I know that you won't let me. Now, enough about all that. I believe you promised me a walk, ice cream and a foot rub – not necessarily in that order."

So Puck led her on a short walk down to the ice cream shop a few blocks away and ordered himself a banana split while she indulged in two scoops of her favorite carob and pecan vegan ice cream. He told her funny stories about living in Los Angeles, and she told him about some of the people she knew in Kentucky. They talked about new music they were looking forward to and how fall already seemed to be happening all around them. She brought up that the garage on base was looking for some civilian help and he suggested that she might think about getting back to her students next week. And when they were done, Rachel slipped her hand into Noah's and held it all the way back home.

Later on, after he had rubbed her feet and promptly fallen asleep afterward while the Indians played one of the last games of the season, Rachel pulled out her laptop so she could send the sonogram to her fathers, the Hummels, Kurt, Blaine and Rebecca. She then sent it onto Sarah with a quick note of explanation and a promise that they would call soon to tell her more. She also considered sending it onto Shelby but decided she wasn't ready for that yet. There were other people that mattered more that she needed to tell first. That's when Rachel opened a fresh email and addressed it to the people she had been waiting to tell and prayed that they would be as happy as Blaine, Kurt and Noah had been.

_To the Glee Club: Mr. and Mrs. Schuester, Santana, Brittany, Quinn, Tina, Mercedes, Samuel, Artie, Michael and Matthew (And technically, Noah, Kurt and Blaine)– _

_What I have to say might surprise you, and if this is still a secret to you all, that might be an even bigger surprise! While Noah, Kurt and Blaine already know, the rest of you have not been informed. In five short months, I will be the mother of a little Hudson-Berry. That's right, my dear friends, I am pregnant._

_Before you ask (and eventually judge), I will tell you upfront that I have waited this long to tell everyone_ _outside of my medical professionals, even my fathers. I wanted the first trimester to pass without issue before sharing my wonderful news. Unfortunately, this means that I lost Finn without him knowing what he an incredible blessing he has given me. Until today, Noah was the only one who knew, and that was only because he guessed._

_Attached you will find the pictures of the four-month ultrasound. I promise to keep you all apprised of the child's growth, health and progress. Between Finn's impressive genes and my natural abilities, I have no doubt that our son or daughter will be nothing short of amazing. Please do not worry about either of us – we are not alone. We're going to be just fine._

_All my love,  
Rachel Barbra Berry_

Rachel reread the email quickly before pressing the send button. A minute later, she heard the familiar ding of Puck's phone receiving a message and smiled. It was only a matter of time before the texts and calls started pouring in. She was confident that most of her friends would be happy for her, though she did have her concerns about Quinn. Rachel decided to not think about that and instead opted to curl up on the opposite end of the couch from Noah. There'd be time to worry later. For now, she just wanted to take a nap.


	8. Chapter 8

"Get up, we're going out."

Puck is surprised when it's Rachel that tells him those words on a lazy Saturday afternoon after a week of doing nothing but running errands and settling into a somewhat domestic routine in Kentucky. Ohio State was playing on the television, down by a touchdown in the third quarter. He moved his fixed gaze from the television to where she was standing in front of him, hand poised on her hip in quietly defiant insistence. Rolling his eyes, he gestured for her to move and tried to see the replay around her body. When she decided that she had enough of him ignoring her, she snapped the remote control from his loose grip and switched off the TV.

"I mean it, Noah, get up," she ordered him, tugging uselessly on his hand. "We need to go meet Brittany and Santana. We are going out tonight. You have been on the couch all day, and I am getting bored. Grab a quick shower and put on something decent."

He knew that he could argue with her but it would probably be fruitless. Besides, she was right; it had been awhile since he had been out. It had been even longer since he'd gotten anything (two months was the longest he'd gone since he lost his virginity), but it's not like he could bring some nameless bar skank back to the room he'd claimed as his own. Even if it wouldn't be awkward with Rachel sharing a wall, he was pretty sure that she'd be pissed enough to cockblock him before they even hit the front steps. Plus, he didn't want to that to Rachel. It wouldn't be cool, and that thought alone had him feeling like a little bit of a pussy.

But still, there she was in front of him looking sexy as hell, and he couldn't stop from feeling a familiar stirring south of the equator. Rachel looked absolutely gorgeous, better than she had since he'd first come back to Kentucky two months ago. She'd done that thing girls do to their eyes to make them all wanton and smoky, and her legs – oh, those legs. They looked so long and perfect and delicious in the very short black dress and very tall black heels. However, that wasn't the sexiest thing about her. No, that award belonged to the distinct glow to her skin that could only be explained by pregnancy and the absent way she rested her left hand on the slight bump that was just starting to show. As

However, none of those things mattered because this was still Rachel and he couldn't go there. He wouldn't go there. Even if Rachel was ready – and she wasn't, not even close – it had the power to wreck everything that they had built over the past eight weeks. Whatever stirrings and needs coursing through his body had to be ignored. He still needed to be her best friends.

"Yeah, fine, whatever," he grumbled as he pulled his hand away. He missed the brief look of disappointment that flashed in Rachel's eyes when he sought to break contact, but by the time he looked up at her again, she was smiling her best show smile to show that she was glad he'd given into her demands. He knew that the grin was fake but wasn't sure what that was about. Filing it away for later, he just sort of shrugged at her and told her that he was he'd be down in a few minutes.

After a short (and very cold) shower, Puck threw on his favorite worn jeans and a simple black button-up shirt in lieu of looking for anything nicer to wear in his closet. Rachel seemed happy enough when he came back down, mumbling to himself as he tried to fasten his watch. "Here, let me," she offered softly, taking the watch from him. He smiled up at her almost shyly as he slid his hand through the metal band and waited patiently for her to clasp it for him. "There, perfect. You look nice."

"Thanks," he retorted sheepishly, ducking his head and scratching at the back of his neck. That was one of the biggest tells that Rachel had picked up on in their time living together. Despite his cockiness, he had a really hard time accepting genuine compliments that came out of kindness and not lust. She'd first noticed it when he had ironed her favorite gray dress for temple a couple weeks after they'd been in Kentucky. She found it endearingly cute. "So, uh, what's on the agenda for tonight or whatever?"

"So succinct, Noah," she shook her head. "We'll head into Louisville to pick up Santana and Brittany for dinner. Brittany would like to do some dancing at some club that Santana likes. She promises me that there are plenty of tables in a low-key area so I should be able to stay off my feet. Then, if everyone was game, I was thinking maybe we could go over to this little piano bar that I've gone to a couple times. It's really fun, and they do the dueling pianos things where they ask audience members to sing."

Parts of the plan sounded awesome, but he wasn't too crazy about taking a five-month-pregnant Rachel to a dance club or a bar. However, he knew that this was the first time she'd felt like going out, and he wasn't about to rain on her proverbial parade. He also knew that if he stayed home another Saturday night with her, she'd probably make him watch something from her impressive Rodgers and Hammerstein collection. That didn't end well for either of them.

That's how he finds himself tucked between two of ex-girlfriends in a dark booth in some ridiculously swanky French restaurant in Louisville. Santana insists on paying with her father's credit card, her latest form of revenge after the debacle of her latest visit to Lima, so Puck indulges in the most expensive cut of steak he can find. Rachel gets one of every side they have, requesting it be cooking in this terribly complex way that meets her vegan dietary needs and confuses their young waiter. Santana settles for fish and veggies, a requirement of her rigorous cheerleading diet, while Brittany is happy when she allowed to order the pepperoni pizza and smiley face fries from the kids' menu.

"So how is Baby Huduckleberry doing?" Brittany asked with genuine concern in her voice. When all three people at the table looked at her in confusion, Brittany grinned brightly. "That's what I'm calling it. Because you know, it's yours and Finn's baby but Puck's here so it's sort of his in a way too. So I thought you should all have a part in the name. Pretty good idea, huh?"

"Genius, Britt," Santana smiled, patting her girlfriend's wrist lovingly. She didn't bother correcting her about Puck, and by the uncomfortable way Noah had shifted next to her, she doubted that the other two would say anything either.

"The baby is doing just fine. Thank you for asking, Brittany," Rachel said politely. "We just went to the doctor again two days ago for the five month checkup. My fathers are coming down next week to help do a little shopping for the nursery."

The aforementioned shopping trip had been a big cause of stress for both Rachel and Puck. They had met with the military lawyers last week to go over everything that would allow them to close the estate. With her father on conference call, Rachel had learned that she would be able to stay in the house as it had been purchased outside the confines of Finn's military wages. A settlement would be paid out over the next ten years. Rachel had requested that half of it go directly into a trust fund for her child. The other half would be used for their living expenses until she got on her feet.

Once she had gotten that news, she had talked to Puck about staying in Fort Knox until the baby was born. Her doctor was here, and she didn't want to find another one this far into her pregnancy. Her fathers were upset that she would be so far away and decided to overcompensate by decorating the entire nursery. Burt had sounded excited to come help with Kurt next weekend, but Carole was still refusing to talk to her.

"Yeah, and the baby is so perfect! You should see the ultrasound, this baby is already so fucking cute," Puck said excitedly, earning a sharp look from Rachel. She was already trying to forbid cursing around the baby and it hadn't even been born yet. "Chickpea is growing at exactly the right rate and everything's all good. We saw a hand. Can you believe that? There are little fingers and shit."

"You realize you have been through this before, right?" Santana asked obnoxiously. Of course she knew that he had been through it. She had basically been his girlfriend for the first part of Quinn's pregnancy.

"I think it's cute that he's excited," Brittany announced aloud.

"Thanks, Britt," Puck smiled at her. He had always appreciated Brittany. She had a way of saying the perfect thing at the perfect moment. "So shut it, Satan. This is fuckin' awesome."

"It's certainly wonderful," Rachel agreed with a sincere smile. She was loving being pregnant and getting to share the day to day with someone. More than once she had caught herself watching him instead of the screen whenever they were at the doctor for a sonogram. "But enough about us. How are you both doing?"

For the next twenty minutes, Brittany caught them up on her web show, all the Lima gossip, the latest happenings at McKinley and a brief review of Glee's latest song list. Santana talked about cheerleading and how she was going to be on the basketball squad instead of one of the lesser winter sports like hockey or wrestling. They were planning to go to Colorado for Christmas, which was just a little over a month away. Santana was going back to Lima for Thanksgiving with Brittany's family, which led the blonde to invite Rachel and Puck to join them. T

They both politely declined and Rachel explained that her fathers were coming with Rebecca and Sarah to have it in Kentucky. They wouldn't be able to make it down for Hanukah, so Puck had convinced them that they should all have at least one holiday together. Mike and Tina were going to come down as well, both claiming that they were missing their old friends. Puck knew that they were mostly just worried about Rachel and that their friends had taken up a secretive rotation of contacting them and visiting so she wouldn't get too lonely with only Puck to keep her company. He secretly believed that they were afraid that he was going to mess this up, but so far, they'd all complimented him on how much he'd stepped up.

After dinner and a very uncomfortable at a sweaty bar where Rachel got hit on no less than four times in the first twenty minutes, they finally headed over to the piano bar. By that time, Santana and Brittany had managed to snake enough free drinks off innocent men at the club to have a nice buzz going. Since he was driving, Puck had to stay sober, and even if she wasn't pregnant, Rachel had vowed to stay sober after her disastrous house party back in high school.

"So we just sign up on this list and pick what song we want?" Brittany asked as she scanned the binder full of tracks to choose from.

Rachel nodded happily as she scribbled down her selection without even looking. "They put everyone into a fish bowl and draw them out at random. We all four have to sing! We'll be the best ones here."

"Babe, we're the best ones anywhere," Puck reminded her as Santana came back with a confident, "Hell, yeah!"

It was only a matter of a few minutes after they found their seats before the announcer took the stage to introduce the first performer. "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome a Brittany S. Pierce!"

Brittany shrugged off her denim jacket, leaving her shoulders bare. She looked hot in her shimmery black halter top, skinny jeans and boots – just like walking sex if Puck had ever seen it. It didn't help that he had firsthand knowledge of just how flexible she was and how incredible it felt to have her wrapped around him like a pretzel. Yeah, he really needed to get a handle on himself.

"I feel like the girl at the bar who's been there too long, can't stand up! I should be gone but I just can't get enough. Fumbling, giggling, silly as ever – I get like this after one too many but right now, I ain't even been drinkin'," Brittany purred as she worked her way through the crowd and perched herself on Puck's lap. She trailed her hand down his cheek before playing with his collar, sending cat calls through the dark room. "He approached me and asked for a minute, which turned into give then turned into ten. And right now I don't know how to say when..."

Santana grabbed her girlfriend by the wrist in a playfully possessive move, their eyes locking long enough for Puck to guess what was going to go down later. Once Brittany had finished the song and returned the microphone to a very flustered announcer, she latched onto Santana's mouth and didn't come up for air for a good twenty minutes. Puck and Rachel did their best to make small talk and look everywhere but at the couple, but the two of them moaning wasn't exactly making it easy to ignore them. Puck had never been so relieved to hear anyone say his name in his entire life.

"Okay, so I only usually do songs by Jewish artists in public, but I saw this one on the list and thought that it might be good for my friend, Rachel. I hope she likes it."

He watches Santana elbow Rachel as he grips the microphone. His eyes find hers and lock into them intently. "Some kind of magic happens late at night when the moon smiles down on me and bathes me in its light," he sang, letting the piano wash over the room in the absence of his voice. "I fell asleep beneath you in the tall blades of grass. When I woke, the world was new. I never had to ask. It's a brand new day. The sun is shining. It's a brand new day. For the first time, in such a long, long time, I know I'll be okay."

The song had been kicking around his head for a few days after he'd heard it on the radio. In a lot of ways, Rachel had saved him. He knew that he hadn't had direction in Los Angeles, but taking care of her gave him a purpose. He needed for his life to matter now, to be better. He was loving his job at the garage and had even started to think about taking some business classes so he could think about opening one of his own someday with the money his grandmother had left him. Rachel had smiled at him proudly when he had told her that, much like she was grinning at him now.

Brittany complimented him when came back and Santana smiled at him like she knew exactly what was going on in that head of his. The truth was that she probably did and if he didn't know her so well, it would probably scare the hell out of him. That kind of power would typically drive her to bring a lesser man down, but she had Puck's back. It didn't stop that dangerous Cheshire grin though. She was still kind of bitch and had to rub it in.

It's that same cocky swagger that she brings to any performance she gives that isn't directed at Brittany. "I know your type, you're daddy's little girl. Just take a bite, let me shake up your world," she crooned sexily as she sashayed across the stage and down the aisle toward Rachel. She had an absolutely predatory glint in her eyes as she danced in front of the embarrassed brunette. "'Cause just one night couldn't be so wrong, I'm gonna make you lose control."

Brittany jumped up suddenly and leaned over to sing with Brittany. "She was so shy 'til I drove her wild," they sang in unison, grabbing both of Rachel's hands to bring her to her feet. "I make them good girls go bad. I make them good girls go bad. When hanging in the corner with your five best friends, you heard that I was trouble but you couldn't resist. I make them good girls go bad!"

Puck elicits Finn's old mailman trick for the next few minutes until all three girls collapse breathlessly back at the table. The entire bar went wild for their performance, not that he could blame him. He looked like the man with those three gorgeous babes at his table. Even if he had turned over a new leaf, he wasn't dead inside. It was pretty fuckin' cool to have them at his side.

Rachel was the last to go, and he wasn't surprised that she picked a song he'd never heard. Puck was surprised, however, that the choice was a simple song that hadn't been some major Broadway piece or sung by one of her usual favorite artists. This one was far from the typical piece from the Rachel Berry repertoire.

"There's an anchor that's pulling on my heart, and it's deep in the water but can't take me down." The words were easy and in key as she stood center stage. Her eyes were closed, her concentration perfect. "Tracin' faces with fingers and we're just the same as we were. Just our eyes never found what I see now that my feet are on the ground."

Her eyes fluttered open then and found his easily. Hazel locked with brown, and for a minute, he swore that the world ceased to exist outside the two of them. "'Cause I'm not lost, just looking for the prince," she sang to him and only him. "I'm taking it one step at a time and I'm getting by. By the way, it's you on my mind. It's you on my mind."

When Rachel came off the stage, it didn't take long for them to all agree that the night was over. They were all quiet as Puck drove Brittany and Santana back to the dorm. After exchanging hugs with both girls, he rested his hand on the small of Rachel's back while they said their own goodbyes to her. Santana caught his eye again before leaning over to hug him one last time. He half expected her to whisper something into his ear and was surprised when she pulled back with only a simple "Take care of each other" to both of them.

The majority of the drive back to Fort Knox was silent as well until Puck finally turned on the radio in hopes the music would drown out his racing thoughts. Rachel leaned her head against the cool window while he sang along to the Jack Johnson song on the radio. "I've got an angel, she doesn't wear any wings. She wears a heart that can melt my own. She wears a smile that can make me wanna sing..."

"Noah!" Puck stopped and looked at her in alarm. "No, no, keep singing! Please keep singing."

He looked at her in confusion but pushed on. "She gives me presents with her presence alone. She gives me everything I could wish for. She gives me kisses on the lips just for coming home."

"Oh, my God!" she cried excitedly, pressing one hand to her stomach while reaching for one of his with the other. She took it and positioned it onto her womb. There, just beneath his fingertips, he felt the telling flutter of the baby's first kicks. "Do you feel that?"

Tears were welling in both their eyes as he managed to get the truck on the shoulder of the freeway. He left the motor running as he jumped out and jogged around to pull her door open. He wrapped one arm around her in an excited hug, their hands now entwined over her stomach. "But you're so busy changing the world. Just one smile can change all of mine," he continued, his face lighting up brighter when the baby fluttered again under their hands.

This was a first, an important first, and for once, Rachel didn't think about how she should be sharing it with Finn. Puck didn't feel guilty that he was getting this moment and not his best friend. They didn't think about how none of this would be happening if everything was different. They didn't worry about how they should be acting and just let it happen naturally. And as the song played on, they didn't care what strangers driving by thought as Puck pulled her beneath the streetlight next to the truck and started to dance slowly in time with her. They only thought about the even more important dance taking place beneath where their hands were still clasped together between them.

"We share the same soul. Oh, oh, we share the same soul."

_Song Credits: "Refill" by Elle Varner, "Brand New Day" by Joshua Radin, "Good Girls Go Bad" by Cobra Starship, "Waking Life" by Schuyler Fisk, and "Angel" by Jack Johnson_


	9. Chapter 9

Rachel and Puck never talk about what happened the night they went out with Brittany and Santana. It's not that they ignore it exactly; it's just that they consciously choose to never deal with it. Puck feels guilty later that night when he's alone in bed and remembers how amazing it felt to finally hold her in his arms in a moment that had nothing to do with grief or comfort. He knows that it's too soon for her to have it mean anything, so he chooses to make himself believe that they just got caught up in the excitement of the baby. It's easier that way. It takes away the power to break his heart.

She doesn't exactly know what to make of it either. Rachel knows that the last thing she needs to do is act on any kind of romantic feelings she is having, especially for her dead husband's best friend and the only person she can rely on right now. It's easier for her to chalk it up to pregnancy hormones and loneliness than to figure out what it actually means. She knows that her heart felt a little twinge of something when her baby reacted to Puck's voice that night, but defining that feeling isn't something she is up for doing. It's easier that way. It takes away the power to destroy her life.

Instead, the two of them focus on getting the house ready for Thanksgiving. Puck knows from the pregnancy books she leaves around the house that Rachel is deep in nesting mode, which causes her to wake up at odd hours to clean the oven or ask him to come hang some forgotten picture in the study. She has magazine clippings of recipes that she wants to make for the holiday, determined to make a perfect turkey for her guests despite her own vegan status. Puck spends his hours off from work basically fulfilling her every whim – going grocery shopping, carrying things up and down from the attic, raking the leaves in the front yard, whatever it is that she thinks needs to be done.

They're both exhausted by the time the day actually arrives. Rachel wakes earlier than he does to get the turkey going and decides that she has enough time for the luxury of a long, hot shower. The weather has turned decidedly cold as the last days of autumn bear down on Kentucky. Puck only wakes up when he hears the blow dryer flip on in her bathroom. He pads down the hallway barefoot and leans in the doorway to watch her try to manage her long, silky mane.

Puck's always had this weird thing about watching women get ready. He can trace it back to when he was a kid and he used to sit on the edge of his mother's bed while she got ready for work. There were some days when that was the only time she had to spend with her children. That precious hour between shifts at the hospital and her overnights at the diner was spent watching her pull her hair back into a neat bun, scrub away the hospital grime and paint her face with light pink lipstick and shimmery beige eyeshadow. Watching a woman put herself together is like watching an artist work on a painting, and Puck had always been quite the aficionado.

He sometimes worries it's some kind of fucked up Oedipal fetish or something because he comes to find it undeniably sexy when he's a teenager and he's watching his conquests put themselves together after a roll in the hay. It started with Santana and the way she could throw her hair back in a messy ponytail and still look like the best wet dream imaginable. When he had lived with a pregnant Quinn, he had liked to watch her rubbing lotion on her legs after a shower and the way she'd sweep her golden hair off her neck so that he could clasp her favorite gold cross necklace for her. Even with Lauren, he liked how she would put her glasses on and rake her thick fingers through her brown hair after they messed around. Each girl had their own little nuances that made them distinctly them, and they were these little things that he liked about them.

But watching Rachel is better than watching any of them. She's sitting on the bathroom floor, her long hair flipped over her head as she waves the pink hairdryer across her damp tresses. She's dressed in this really fucking cute plum maternity dress that cinches below her chest and makes her breasts look amazing. He loves the way the bathroom is still steamy from the shower and smells like the blackberry vanilla body wash she'd found at the health food store. Her bare feet, complete with the freshly painted pink toes, tap in time to the Rumer song she has blaring on her iPhone on the counter. The whole thing is just so comfortable and domesticated that Puck can't help but smile. This is really his life now.

"G'mornin'," he says thickly after she switches off the dryer. Her head is still upside down as she tries to comb through her now-tangled hair, but that doesn't stop Puck from noticing the delicious little shiver that makes its way up her spine. He knows he sounds sleepier than he feels and it's not really fair to tease her like that. Yet, he forgets that when she looks up at him all wide-eyed and wanton, and it takes every ounce of control he has not to bend over and kiss her right there on the bathroom floor. "When is everyone supposed to get here again?"

"Eleven," she reminded him for the fourth time in the past twelve hours. "The turkey is in the oven, and I will get to work on the pies after I finish up in here."

"What do you need me to do?"

She smiled up at him and shook her head. "You've done everything I needed to get ready," she answered. "You can grab a shower and relax on the couch. I know that you're dying to just watch football. I figure you can hang out with Michael, Burt and Dad while Daddy, Tina and Kurt gossip with your mom, sister and me in the kitchen."

"Sounds perfect, babe," he replies before reaching down to tussle her hair a little. He knows that she is missing Finn this morning and wishing that Carole was coming with her husband and stepson. Rachel had worried last night that she was out of line inviting them when she knew that Carole wouldn't set foot in her house. They hadn't spoken since that disaster of a phone call over a month ago. Neither of them had been exactly surprised when Burt and Kurt had accepted the invitation but explained that Carole was going to visit her sister in Pennsylvania for the long weekend. "But if you need anything..."

"I'll call," she promised. She loved how he worried about her. It made her feel safe in the strangest way. "And Noah, you should wear that gray sweater you wore Saturday to temple. It looked nice on you, and your mom would probably appreciate it if you made a little effort."

What he hears and she doesn't say is that she would appreciate it if he would make a little effort to look nice. This was her first holiday away from Lima and first time putting together a holiday for their little makeshift family. He knew that she was putting too much pressure on herself to make it perfect, but it was useless to try to talk her out of it. She would only want to argue with him about it, and he didn't want to fight with her about anything. There were too many sad Rachel moments still that he would do pretty much anything to make her smile. Damn, the woman had him whipped.

He hears Mike and Tina get there as he's getting out of the shower. It only takes him three minutes to throw on his clothes, run his fingers through his hair and slap on a little cologne before he is trading an intricate handshake with Mike and lifting Tina slightly off the ground in a tight hug. Rachel is laughing as she comes into the living room, resting her left hand on Noah's back while hugging each of her friends with her right arm. Tina follows Rachel into the kitchen to drop off the fresh rolls they'd brought along while Mike ambles after Puck toward the couch to turn on the Lions/Vikings game.

"So how are you feeling?" Tina asks as she watches Rachel put the finishing touches on her pumpkin pie before sliding it into the oven. "I am guessing the morning sickness is pretty much gone. Any weird cravings?"

"A few. I have really developed a taste for apricot jam for some reason, and I think Noah is tired of Mexican food. He never complains though, even when we had it four times last week," Rachel giggled. "He's been pretty wonderful, Tina. He rubs my feet when they swell and runs all over getting me anything I want and even massages cocoa butter on my stomach so I don't get stretch marks. It's pretty sweet how excited he is for this baby."

Tina offered her a small smile, and Rachel knew what she was thinking. The more they went through this together, a more paternal role Noah was bound to take. It was a natural progression, and there were going to be people who thought she was trying to replace Finn. It wasn't like that for either of them, and that knowledge alone prevented her from explaining it to Tina or anyone else.

"Well, I am glad you're doing well," Tina replied finally. "It's nice that he's around or whatever. Mike says that he sounds pretty happy too whenever they talk. I just wish we weren't in Lima and Chicago so that we could help out more."

"We do just fine on our own, Tina, but thank you," Rachel smiled politely. "Now, hand me that tin over there so we can get started on the cookies. I promised Noah I would make some sugar ones. They're his favorite."

Meanwhile, Puck and Mike hadn't said more to each other than a few grunts and curse words at the stupidity of the referees or bad plays. When the Vikes call time out and a beer commercial starts to play on screen, they both sort of relax back into the couch. Other than Finn, Puck had always been closer to Mike than anyone. Now that Finn was gone, they sort of talked all the time. Whenever he needed to work something out aloud or bitch about Rachel being crazy or ask advice about some tiny little thing, he'd call up his Asian friend in Chicago so the two of them could figure it out.

"You two doing okay?" Mike asks without tearing his gaze away from the TV.

"Yeah, fine, same old, ya know," Puck replied. "Everything's good. The baby is healthy and Rachel's not freaking the fuck out anymore."

"That's good. What about you?"

"I'm happy as long as she's doing okay," he shrugged. "I like my job, the garage is cool. I am going to take a few online classes in January, just some business courses. Rach tried to convince me to go to school, but I want to be around as much as I can. She's due in March, and it'll be easier to help her out with the kid if I don't have to rush off to class or whatever."

It's easy for Mike to imagine Puck balancing studying between feedings. Despite what a lot of people thought, Puck was one of those people who was made to be a dad. He'd always been really great with Sarah, and Mike had seen firsthand how empty a part of his heart had been when they'd given up Beth. He actually got excited about some of the things he read in Rachel's pregnancy books, like how the kid was growing fingernails and was the size of some piece of fruit that week and was in the top percentiles for development.

"Knock, knock!" came a voice from the hallway, and Puck recognized it as Hiram. Rachel scurried excitedly from the kitchen to greet her fathers while Puck and Mike came over to free them of the grocery bags they were carrying. Once everything had been deposited on the kitchen counter, Puck went back in to say hello the Fathers Berry.

"We've got the game on in the living room," Mike told Hiram while Tina led Leroy into the kitchen for a glass of wine.

Puck was left in the foyer alone with Rachel. "Everything going okay in there?"

"It's perfect, Noah," she said pleasantly. Her head was bowed as she fidgeted with the thin gold bracelet around her wrist. He grabbed her hand to still it, loosely weaving their fingers together to calm her down. She smiled up at him thankfully for sensing that she needed it. He slid his other hand to her hip and pulled her in for a brief hug and a kiss to the top of her head. "I just want it to go okay."

"It's going to be amazing because it's yours," he reminded her gently. "Stop stressing so much."

"Easy for you to say," she pouted, and he laughs out loud when she actual pushes her bottom lip out in a really cute way.

"Yup, now get back in the kitchen and make my cookies, woman!" he teased her. "Your promised."

Leroy watched his daughter interact with Noah from his place at the kitchen doorway, easily finding his husband's eyes as he watched them from the sofa. Hiram seems a little more concerned while he is comforted by it. It's so easy between the two of them, and that's what Rachel needs right now. She has always had to fight for every inch of her happiness, and for once, she deserved for it to come easily to her.

"Noah, can you get that please?" Rachel called out ten minutes later when the doorbell rings. He hollered back an affirmative, causing Mike to make a whipped gesture and get punched in return. She heard the exchange and smiled exasperatedly at Tina. The Asian girl just shrugged one shoulder and refocused her attention on measuring out the brown sugar for the yams. A minute later, she heard Kurt's excited squeal as he comes into her kitchen. "Oh, Kurt, you're here!"

"In the flesh, Diva," he smiled. He looked good. New York is doing wonders for her old friend, and she isn't even the tiniest bit jealous of how well he fits in there. He hugged Rachel, smiling down at her stomach momentarily, before moving over to greet Tina and her father. He told them that Blaine was visiting family when Leroy asked and then explained to Rachel that the containers he had stowed in the fridge contained cranberry sauce, green beans and glazed carrots.

The four of them talked while the guys watched football in the living room. Rachel loved how full the house sounds as she works around the kitchen, adding her two cents in every now and then while focusing on the task at hand. She was just wondering where the Puckermans are when she heard the doorbell ring and Puck nearly ran toward the front door to let his mom and sister in.

"Noah!" Rebecca Puckerman laughed as her son greeted her eagerly, pulling her into a bear hug before he even lets her come through the door. Rachel was just behind him, wiping her hands on her apron as Sarah tried to squeeze past her mother and brother to hug her. She hugged the youngest Puckerman tightly and smiled at Noah over her head before moving over to greet Rebecca. She grinned again when she watched Sarah jump into her brother's arms, wrapping her tiny body around his in a tight hug. She can tell that they have missed him as much as he has missed them.

"Honey, you look lovely," Rebecca said to Rachel. She was standing next to her son, his arm around his mother's shoulder proudly. "And you look nice too, Noah. I suppose it's Rachel's doing?"

"Ma," Puck complained as the three guys in the living room cheered. "Uh, I'm just gonna..."

"Go watch your game, Noah," Rachel told him. "Dinner will be in ready in a half hour or so."

"Sounds good," he retorted, hugging his mother one last time before heading back toward the living room. He kissed Rachel's forehead on the way by, and Rachel has to keep herself from blushing at the affectionate gesture.

They are just sitting down at dinner when Burt's cell phone rings from the other room. He excuses himself for a moment, and Kurt explained that Carole was supposed to call when she got to her sister's house from the airport. They all try not to think about how she is missing from the family meal and instead start talking about the snow that is supposed to be hitting Lima next week.

When Burt came back in a few minutes later, Leroy looked around the room and smiled. "I would like to take a minute to go around the table so that everyone can share what they are thankful for this holiday. I am thankful that we are all able to share this holiday together with the comfort of good friends and good food."

"I am thankful that the Cowboys are playing the Browns later and that they actually have a chance of winning for once," Hiram grinned, earning a sharp elbow from his husband and an amused look from his daughter. "And of course, as always, I am thankful for our Rachel."

"Well, I have to second the Browns thing," Burt laughed. "But I am also thankful that I get to spend today with my son and my daughter-in-law. The two of you are enough to make a father very proud."

"Oh, Dad," Kurt chuckled as he rolled his eyes. "I am grateful that this weather isn't so cold that it is going to give me chapped lips or wind burn and for the sample sale at Bergdorf's last week where I got this fabulous shirt and that Lima finally has a decent beauty supply place..."

Rebecca waited patiently for Kurt to finish his little tirade and laughed despite herself when he finally finished with a deep sigh. "I am grateful that I get to spend today with my two children and that for once, they are both on the right track. It's been awhile, but I'm proud of both of you."

"Geez, Ma," Sarah muttered, and Rachel thought she sounded too much like Noah for it to be any good. "I'm just grateful that I don't have to go to my grandma's this year because her turkey is always really dry and her house smells like old bandages."

Tina lifted her glass in acknowledgment of that one. "I second the good food thing. Half my family pretty much refuses to accept any holidays that aren't Chinese, so we usually end up eating moo goo gai pan."

Mike wrinkled his nose. "My parents are even worse than hers, so you can imagine. But this year, I am thankful that I get to spend the holiday with my girlfriend and three of my closest friends," he said as he looked at Tina and then Puck, Rachel and Kurt. "I've looked all over Chicago for people as good as you guys, and I just don't think I'm going to find it."

"Obviously, honey," Kurt scoffed. "You've met me, right?"

"Yeah, man, I have to agree with Beyonce," Puck boasted. "The Puckerone is often replicated but never duplicated. I'm one of a kind."

"Thank goodness," Rebecca and Rachel deadpan in unison, setting the table off in a round of laughter.

"Whatever," he muttered. "Your turn, Rach."

She smiled around the room at her friends and family. "I'm grateful that despite everything, I'm still standing with all of you in my corner," she told them genuinely. "We all know it's been a hard few months, but it has been an incredible blessing to have all of you supporting me. Especially you, Noah. Out of everything and everyone, I owe you the most."

"You don't owe me anything, Berry."

"But I do," she assured him. "And we both know that. Really, you've been incredible."

Not exactly wanting to have this conversation in front of everyone, he settled for reaching over and squeezing her hand. "Back at ya, Rach." She cocked her head to the side and looked at him in this funny little way, almost as if she was seeing him in a certain light for the first time. "So I guess it's my turn. Like Rachel said, I'm grateful for all of you. Just a few months ago, I thought I'd be alone in some cramped apartment in LA eating a TV dinner for Thanksgiving, so getting to be here with you all is pretty damn sweet."

"Language, Noah."

"Sorry, Ma," he apologized automatically. "I am thankful that whether it is from Ohio or Chicago or New York, you all cared enough to come here and spend this day with Berry and me. I am grateful that I get to have my mom and sister here because I really miss them a lot, which isn't something I ever thought I'd say. And I'm glad the Berrys are here because I know that Rachel really loves it when they're here because she smiles in this way that she doesn't do for anyone else. I'm glad that Burt is here because he's been more of a father to me than my own, and I hope you really know how much I appreciate that." The two exchange a knowing smile and Burt nods. Puck is one of his boys, just like Kurt and Finn. "And I'm glad Porcelain is here too because you can talk to Berry about that Broadway sh...stuff that she likes so much and I can't really stand to hear about. I'm grateful that Mike and Tina are here just because I love them and they're my friends."

"But most of all, I am thankful for Berry," he said as he stared at her. "She's pretty amazing even if she doesn't know it, and her strength has taught me more in these past two months than I could have ever learned anywhere else. I am grateful that she let me be there – wanted me to be there – that first day and keeps letting me stay. So, thanks, Berry. For letting me be part of your life here and letting me be there for your baby."

Everyone raised their glasses and toasted after Puck finally finished talking. It's more than Rachel can ever remember him saying all at once. She had decided to make an announcement tonight when everyone was together. "If you will give me one more minute, I have one more thing to say," Rachel called out as she tapped her fork to her glass. Everyone stopped talking and looked to the end of the room where Puck was still holding her hand on top of the table. "As you know, we went to the doctor for the five-month checkup, and everything is fine. What you don't know is that I had an ultrasound and found out what the baby is."

Puck looked at her suddenly then. He didn't even know that Rachel had found out. She had asked the doctor after he had left the room so she could get dressed. She had wanted to surprise him when she told everyone else.

"I'm having a little boy."

The room started to bustle in excitement as Hiram and Leroy hugged happily and Rebecca and Burt clapped. Mike and Tina were grinning like fools, and it was evident that Kurt was already working out wardrobe options in his head. However, amidst all the commotion, none of them miss when Puck dropped to his knees next to Rachel's chair and stared up at her in wonder. "It's a little boy?" he asked in the smallest voice she's ever heard. He grinned up at her then and then leaned his cheek on her stomach. "You hear that, little dude? We're going to have so much fun together. I have so much to teach you."

Rachel rested her hand on top of Puck's head and stroked his scalp gently. He looked up at her again and raised himself up on his knees before pulling her into a tight hug. "A little boy, babe," he murmured as he gazed at her. "You're going to have a son."

"I know," she whispered back, the prettiest smile imaginable on her face. "Sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"Are you kidding me?" he laughed. "This is the best fuckin' news ever!"

She doesn't admonish him for his language and her fathers don't wonder if they are just a little too close for either of their own good. Rebecca doesn't worry that her son is setting himself up to get hurt and Burt doesn't think about how this isn't really Puck's kid. Kurt doesn't say that the whole thing is inappropriate and Mike doesn't make that stupid whipped gesture again and Tina doesn't try to hide her tears and Sarah doesn't think her brother is a pussy for being so excited about all of this. No, they all just smile at the two of them, this little unit that is excited that there is going to be a little boy in their house soon. It's the first time Puck feels like he's about to be a father and Rachel knows that it's inevitable that her son is going to probably call him daddy and they both finally see they have already become a family without ever realizing it.

And later, after everyone has left and the kitchen is cleaned up, Puck leads Rachel down the hallway to the room that will be the nursery and lights a few tea light candles on the window sills. They're both in their bare feet as the stereo plays softly in the background. He wraps his arms around her, she rests her head on his shoulder, and the two of them get lost in the music once again.

"The way that we love, the way that we laugh. It's something worth seeing. So let's make it last. Live out each moment. They go by so fast. Let's make it last."

_Song Credit: "Let's Make It Last" by Brandon Heath_


	10. Chapter 10

The day after Thanksgiving finds Puck out looking for a menorah for their first Hanukkah away from home and Rachel attempting to make a proper Sabbath dinner for the two of them to share after temple that evening. Rachel is just getting the challah into the oven when her cell phone rings. It takes her a few moments to find it buried beneath the stack of recipe books taking up space all over her counter, but she is thrilled when she sees her father's name on the screen.

"Hey, Dad!" she said as she tucked it beneath her chin so she could start to work on the kugel. "What's going on? Is Daddy out shopping?"

Rachel misses being home this weekend and taking part in the traditional Black Friday sales. While her dad didn't like the crowds, she'd always gone with her daddy to take in the bargains and the crowds at the mall in Lima. They'd even done it in New York the fall before she turned sixteen. That was one of her favorite memories of the city, just walking in the sea of people with all the holiday music in the air. Even for a Jewish girl like Rachel, it was hard not to get wrapped up in the Christmas spirit when you were somewhere like Rockefeller Center or FAO Schwartz.

"Oh, you know your father, Star," Hiram grumbled good naturedly. "He said something about some sale on baby clothes. Now that we know we're going to have a grandson, he is set on planning. I heard him talking to Kurt before the sun was even up. They were going to meet to go over clothing options. Apparently he has this whole motif in mind. Darling, I fear that we're in for quite a time."

She giggled softly, not at all bothering to hide her excitement. "Honestly, I can't wait, Dad. It was the hardest thing keeping this from you two and Noah for so long. As soon as I found out that I was going to have a little Finn, I wanted to tell everyone," she told him. "Puck was so excited after you all went home. We stayed up pretty late talking about all these ideas he has in mind. Do you think three is a little young to get started on baseball?"

"You started dance classes much earlier than that," he reminded her. "But I think you have enough time to worry about that later. Right now, I want to talk to you about something else a little more immediate."

"You want to talk to me about Noah." The sentence came out as a statement rather than a question or an accusation. "Dad, I will tell you the same thing I have told Carole and everyone else. I know that it's strange and complicated, but Noah has been everything that I need right now."

"Believe it or not, Star, I appreciate all that Noah has done for you. I'm just a little concerned how difficult this could potentially be on both of you if something were to go wrong," he replied. "I mean, think about it. What if you meet someone else or he does? What if something was to happen to you? He's not the father, Rachel. The two of you are almost acting as if he is. I know that you're not trying to replace Finn, but he's getting attached to this baby and to you. You're clearly reliant on him. It's a dangerous balance you two are striking. I just want to make sure that you are thinking this through."

Rachel stopped kneading the dough and grimaced at her father. "Dad, I hear what you are trying to say to me, and I really do appreciate how much you care about me and the baby. However, Noah is the best thing for us right now," she told him. "I have thought about everything that you said, and the truth is that I don't have all the answers. I know that I need to think about Noah and this child and I am. The three of us are a family now."

"Rachel, honey, do you have feelings for Noah?"

Her loud exhale in his ear told him everything he needed to know, even if she wasn't ready to see it quite yet. "That's where it gets a little foggy, Dad," she answered honestly. "I care about Noah a great deal, but I am not sure that I am ready to define what that means. It's too much too soon. I'm far from being ready to moving on from Finn. I'm not even entirely sure that I can. I just know that there is something there, and that's the part of me that knows that I need to hang on."

Across town, Puck is having an eerily similar conversation with his mother. He's in the endlessly long queue at some home décor store, waiting impatiently so he can just buy the stupid sterling silver menorah and get back home to Rachel. If she hadn't been so set on decorating the house for Hanukah tomorrow, he'd probably throw in the towel and go to some discount store to see what decorations he could find. However, he knew that this was important to her, and he wanted to make her smile. Yesterday had been such an amazing day with an incredible ending, and he wanted to hold onto that feeling for as long as he could.

"Honey, I just think you need to think this through."

"Thinking about it is all I've been doing, Ma," Puck reminded her curtly. For once, he was doing the responsible thing and his mother was still lecturing him. "I thought you'd actually be proud of me for this one. I'm trying so hard here. You have no idea what it's like for me."

"I know you are, Noah, I know you are," she replied gently. "And I am proud of you, so proud. You are doing a very noble thing. I am just afraid that your heart is going to get hurt. I remember how you were after Beth. I just can't stand to see you lose something like that again. As much as you already love this baby, sweetie, he's not your son."

He pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes. He knows that his mother is coming from a good place. She genuinely cares about him and thinks that he doesn't know all these things. But like he said, this is all he has been thinking about. Every time he sees Hudson written on Rachel's charts at the hospital, he is reminded that this little boy will have Finn's last name and not his. He can't begrudge the situation because it isn't fair. He just doesn't want someone questioning his motives at every turn.

"Listen, Ma, I appreciate that you're trying to protect me. I've thought about all of this. I know that everyone thinks that I don't know what I'm doing, but I am actually quite confident that this is the right thing. I can't explain it, but I just know this is where I belong. It may be too much too fast, but this is what I am supposed to be doing with my life right now. Do you understand?"

"I do, Honey," she assured him. "I just want you to be cautiously optimistic. You already love this kid – and this girl – way too much to survive it if it all falls apart."

Puck talks to his mom for a few more minutes before he finally makes it to the front of the line. After he pays for the menorah, he hurries home to find a busy Rachel mastering the kitchen. They're making small talk about the crowds and when dinner will be ready when her phone rings again. "It's probably my daddy," she told him as she reached for her cell in her apron pocket. She looks down at the screen and her eyes go wide. "It's Carole."

"Do you want me to give you some privacy?"

"No," she answered quickly. "Stay. Please. I might need you."

Puck sat down on the stool opposite Rachel and listened as she answered the phone. The conversation starts off pleasantly enough with useless questions about Carole's trip to Pennsylvania and Rachel's answers about the meal they'd had in Kentucky. Rachel took a seat next to Puck, leaning her head against her fist as she watched him thumb through the mail.

"There is actually a specific reason I am calling," Carole announced. "The cemetery called me this morning. They are wanting to set the headstone tomorrow afternoon. I fly back into Lima tomorrow at nine, so I thought we could put together a little memorial service or something. Just a few of your friends and Burt, your fathers too if they can come."

"Hold on, let me check with Noah to see if he can drive me," she said before covering up the phone. "They're setting Finn's headstone tomorrow. Do you think you could take me up to Lima? I know you have to work on Monday..."

"I'll take care of it, Rach," he assured her quickly. "We need to go."

She nodded dutifully before returning her attention back to Carole. "We can be there by lunch time. Would you like for me to call anyone?"

"I'll take care of it, dear," Carole said. "I actually owe you an apology, Rachel. I said some terrible things to you, words that I cannot take back. However, I know that Finn would be ashamed and angry if he had heard what I said to you."

"It's quite alright, Carole," she retorted. "You're grieving. Of all people, I understand."

"It's not okay, Rachel, not even a little," Carole disagreed. "It's just so hard without him. I miss my son. He was my baby. After I lost his father, I thought that would be the worst thing I would ever have to go through. I couldn't imagine how difficult it would be to lose my son. Finn went through everything with me. I feel like I'm missing my other half. But all the grief in the world doesn't give me the right to step all over you. My son loved you very much."

"And I love him, I always will," she nearly whispered. "Your son was my everything. I am going to miss him every single day of my life, but I can't stop living just because he's gone. I have this child, your grandson, growing inside of me. That has to be my focus now."

"Grandson?"

Rachel's face lit up as she reached for Noah's hand. He played with her fingers casually, just wanting her to feel connected to him. "Yes, it's a little boy. I just found out," she said excitedly. "I have a little Finn Hudson that can't wait to meet his grandmother. He's already so active. We just got to feel him kick last week."

"Oh, Rachel, that is wonderful. Send me some pictures?"

"Of course, Carole, I'll send you everything that I have," she said as the kitchen timer went off. "I'm sorry to cut this short, but I am in the middle of making dinner. We'll see you tomorrow afternoon?"

"Yes, I'll be there. I can't wait to see you," she said. "And tell Noah that I am looking forward to seeing him as well."

Fifteen hours and six bathroom breaks later, Puck pulled his truck next to Burt's car in the small gravel lot at the cemetery in Lima. He can see Mercedes, Kurt and Tina already huddled around Mr. Schue, Carole, Burt and Rachel's fathers just ahead. He is helping her out of the truck when Quinn pulls up in her mother's silver Mercedes. Puck hasn't seen or heard from her since the funeral. In fact, she is the only one of their friends who never replied to Rachel's initial email about the baby. She hasn't said anything, but he knows that it bothers Rachel.

"Can you gives a minute, Noah?" Rachel asks quietly once she is out of the vehicle. "Just go on ahead, we'll catch up."

"You sure?"

"Positive," she smiled bravely at him. She watched him jog down the path and call out to Artie. He seemed relaxed for once, so that was nice. They'd had a good talk about his school plans, and she could tell that he was excited. She was excited for him. However, she pushes that all out of her mind as Quinn stops beside her. "Hello, Quinn."

"Hi," she replied in a soft voice. "I'm sorry that I haven't spoken to you sooner. I thought about calling or writing, but it's been too long. I just didn't know what to say, Rachel. It's weird, this whole thing."

"I understand," Rachel told her, and she genuinely did.

"I just always think some part of me thought it'd be Finn and me in the end. Even after everything, we still made sense together. That's messed up, huh?"

"Not at all, Finn was your first love. You were his, too. He still cared a great deal about you."

Quinn smiled prettily. "I know he did, but he loved you, Rachel. It's all he ever talked about," she confided in her friend. "And you're the first one of us to get pregnant and I guess it reminded me of having Beth and Puck is being all supportive...It's no excuse. I should have been there for you. Santana must have yelled at me for twenty minutes when she found out that I hadn't talked to you yet."

"Quinn, really, it's fine. I forgive you. I know it must be difficult. None of the past matters. I just hope that you will want to be part of this little boy's life. He can use all the aunts he can get."

The two loop their arms together and make their way down the shaded path. She watches Noah watching her and knows that he loves her in this olive green pea coat because it's fitted just enough that it shows off her belly. He's obsessed with it and occasionally lets it slip how sexy she is pregnant. It's not as abrasively obvious as it was in high school, but her hormones still let it affect her more than it should. He must sense what she's thinking about because he winks at her then. She just rolls her eyes and smiles despite herself.

"So, I know we have already said our goodbyes to Finn, but today, I wanted to remember my son. Finn was a lovely baby, so happy and full of life. Every single day I got to spend with my son was a tremendous blessing, and I can't ever imagine loving someone more," Carole said as she looked at her husband and then over at Rachel.

"I always thought that graduating from high school was Finn's biggest accomplishment to date," Burt continued, "but then I got to watch him graduate from basic training. He was so proud to be following in his father's footsteps. But on the night that he married Rachel, he told me that getting her to fall in love with him was always going to be the best thing he'd ever done. If he was here today, I think he'd say his son tops even that. I think they're all pretty incredible feats."

"My connection to Finn was pretty instantaneous. He was someone that I understood right away. I know that teachers aren't supposed to have favorites, but he was the first student I ever had that made me feel like I was making a difference," Will remembered. "He made me sure that I was supposed to be a teacher. I don't think I'll ever have another kid like him in class. Finn Hudson was one in a million."

"I never thought that anyone would be good enough for our Rachel," Leroy said. "I always knew that my daughter was very special, and it would take someone amazing to match up to her. The very first time she brought Finn home and I saw the way that he smiled at her, I knew that she had found something. Finn was a good man, and I can't wait to tell my grandson all about him."

"Leroy is right, we never thought that anyone could be right for our baby. She was incredible and I couldn't imagine her ever being more," Hiram admitted. "However, Finn made her better. He took this already amazing girl and made her even more wonderful because he gave her true happiness and true love."

"I always wanted a brother. Growing up without anyone but my dad was kind of lonely. No one else ever really understood that but Finn. Sure, he had his friends, but they weren't exactly the same thing," Kurt said. "Well, that's not entirely true. He loved Puck like a brother, and I'm just glad that Mohawk over there was willing to share. Otherwise, I might have never gotten to see just what a great brother Finn was. Seriously, he was the best."

"Finn had this incredible capacity to just be happy. He could make light out of almost anything," Artie grinned. "He was terribly clumsy and not at all coordinated, but he never gave up. He was always in booty camp, grinning even as he stumbled all over the stage. It was only with Rachel that he managed to find any real

semblance of grace. The two were perfect compliments, two halves of the same measure of melody."

"So, I'm kind of this diva, right?" Mercedes laughed. "Well, even when I threw a fit, I knew that Rachel and Finn were perfect leaders for Glee. They balanced each other out in the most interesting of ways. Their love was innocent, the kind you can only find at a young age. I always admired that, even after I found my way to Sam. I knew that it would never be a relationship like theirs because that kind of thing only happens once if you're lucky."

"I loved Finn, that's no big secret," Quinn said softly. "And the thing is that Finn loved me, too. We went through a lot together, and I used to resent the way we ended up. Now, however, I see that he needed to go through me to get to her. I'm not sure how that feels okay but it does. It makes sense in the strangest of ways. Finn was a special guy, and I will always value the time that we spent together."

"Finn meant something to everyone here, but he was my best friend. Even when he hated me, no one else could say that. Like Kurt said, we were brothers from another mother, but we shared everything," Puck reminisced. "His mom was mine and mine was his. He loved Sarah like a little sister, and when Burt came along, he was kind enough to share even him. And yeah, we ended up going through some pretty messed up stuff, but amazingly enough, Finn actually forgave me. That's just the kind of guy he was. I would have trusted me with his life, and even if no one else understands what I mean, I know that he is somewhere right now trusting me with his."

"I don't have any more words left to express what Finn meant to me. I think you've heard them all. I just have this song, the first one that we ever sang together," Rachel said to everyone before clearing her throat. Her voice was slow and soft as she sang a single verse of that first song that brought them together. "You better shape up 'cause I need a man, and my heart is set on you. You better shape up, you better understand: to my heart, I must be true. Nothin' left, nothin' left for me to do. You're the one that I want." She stopped and smiled at the headstone. "Finn, you were always the one that I wanted."

They all take turns then dropping a single rose on the freshly covered grave, Carole first and Rachel last. When the last bloom hits the grass, she turns to her friends and smiles bravely. "Would you mind giving me a moment alone with him?"

One by one, they wander down the path and leave her behind. Puck looks over his shoulder once and sees her on her knees in front of the grave, running her fingers over his engraved name and talking so that no one could hear her. Artie stops beside him and smiles fondly at Rachel. "You love her."

Puck smiles at him and nods. Artie had always been a little like Yoda. "Yeah, I do," he finally admitted for the first time to someone other than himself. "I love her and her kid, man."

"She loves you too, Puck, she just doesn't know it yet," Artie told him. "Just give her some time."

"I'm not going anywhere. I honestly think I'd wait forever."

"Something tells me it won't be that long," Artie grinned. "She just needs to come to terms with it on her own. I know it seems fast to everyone else, but the way I figure it, you and Rachel have been headed on a crash course toward each other since sophomore year. It doesn't mean she didn't love Finn. It just means that you were her eventual."

"Her eventual?"

Artie waved his hand dismissively. "It doesn't matter. You'll figure out what I mean someday."

"Hey, Artie?" Quinn asked behind them. "Do you mind if I talk to Puck for a minute?"

"Sure," he replied. "I'll catch up with you later."

Puck isn't sure if he is talking to him or Quinn as he watches his friend wheel away. "What's up, Q?"

"I just wanted to tell you that you're doing a really good job. Taking care of her and everything, she seems good – happy." He smiled and shrugged boyishly. "It was hard at first thinking about you with her, but it makes sense now. She can give you something I couldn't, and I think you're giving her something no one else could either."

First Artie was all mystical and now Quinn. "Uh, okay, thanks?"

"You're welcome," she replied softly, leaning over to brush a kiss on his cheek. "I'll see you around, Puck. Take care of her or I'll send Santana to kick your ass."

Puck faked a shiver as he wiggled his fingers at her in a wave and watched her damn near skip down the path. Artie is waiting on her, smiling happily behind his dark frames as she stopped to grin down at him in return. He wondered to himself when that happened and then thought how he was glad for them. She had developed a special bond with Artie last year after the accident, and he knew that his friend had had feelings for her. It was about time she woke up and saw what was in front of her. Sometimes it takes leaving to understand what you're leaving behind.

"Alright, Finn, I think that's about everything," she said as she wiped away the last of the tears. "I will always love you, I hope you know that, but I need to say goodbye. I won't ever forget you though. You will always be in my heart. It's just time for me to start moving on with my life. I even think that's what you'd want."

"Hey, babe, you about ready?"

Rachel looked at where Puck was waiting and gave him a quick nod. "Goodbye, Finn," she said before pressing a kiss to her fingertips and pressing them to the grave. "Noah is waiting for me. It's time now. It's time to let go."

* * *

_Song Credit: "You're the One That I Want" from "Grease"_

_Author's Note: I am so happy that over 100 of you have added me to your alerts, and I appreciate my many faithful reviewers. To show my gratitude, I want to reward one of you. Whoever is the 70th person to leave me a review will get a special prize. I would love it if it could happen on this chapter, so let's make it happen. Thank you all so very much for the continued support. It really does mean the world to me._


	11. Chapter 11

"Noah!"

Her cry comes in the middle of the night, some time after two in the morning, and wakes him from dead sleep. He is on his feet instantly, running down the short hallway and into her room without bothering to knock or call out to her. She is folded over on the bed, clutching her stomach with tears running down her face. "Babe, you okay?" he asks as he slides onto the mattress beside her and gathers her in his arms. She doesn't answer as she starts to shake almost violently from all the tears that won't seem to stop coming. "Rach, shit, say something You're really freaking me out! Is it the baby? Are okay? Do we need to go to the hospital?"

It turns out that it had just been a nightmare. It was the different from the ones she usually had about Finn dying. This one was about her losing the baby, and it's enough that she almost physically feels the pain. Her head knows that it's all psychological, but it just feels so real. Noah listens patiently as he rubs small circles on her back and occasionally brushes kisses on the crown of her head or shell of her ear. She feels safe now, even in the dark and knowing that the dream could return, because he is here to protect her. It's stupid that his mere presence is enough to calm her insecurities since he can't realistically prevent her from losing her son. That doesn't really stop her from believing it though.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asks finally as he pulls back, searching her eyes for the truth. There is just enough light coming through the window that she can see the seriousness in his beautiful hazel gaze. She nods dutifully and hugs him once more. "God, babe, you scared the hell out of me."

"It was pretty scary for me too," she reminds him as he slides his fingers down her spine. She hates that she shivers involuntarily but he doesn't seem to notice. "I'm sorry that I woke you up. I know we have to be up early. I should be fine now. You can go back to bed."

He looks at her hesitantly before she lightly pushes him off the bed. "Alright, if you're sure."

"I'm sure," she smiles at him before nodding her head toward the door. "Go! We have company coming in less than twelve hours, and I need you in top form. We're going to be hosts, Noah. You know how important first impressions are to me."

He just rolls his eyes and presses a kiss to her forehead. "Night, Rach."

Rachel lays back down in her bed alone after she hears his door click closed next to her room. It's followed by the rustling of sheets and within a few minutes, she hears his light snores through the wall. She hates lying to Noah but she didn't want him sitting up and worrying about her. The truth was that she had been having trouble sleeping all week because of the same stupid dreams, but it was only tonight that she woke up so suddenly that she couldn't stop herself from calling out. Sometimes she loses the baby when she finds out about Finn. Other times, she loses the baby and Noah at the same time in some strange twist of fate that never really makes sense.

Rather than thinking about anything negative, Rachel tries to focus on something positive. She thinks about the cute powder blue sleeper set that Mercedes just sent her from LA that had little yellow stars all over it and the sage green paint Noah had helped her pick out at the hardware store for the nursery. She rubs her tummy and feels the baby moving under her fingertips and can't help but smiling. And then she starts to sing a lullaby she remembers from her own childhood in hopes that it will comfort her son as much as it did her.

"Baby mine, don't you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes. Rest your head close to my heart. Never to part, baby of mine," she sang softly, running her fingers over her womb lightly. "Little one, when you play, don't you mind what you say. Let those eyes sparkle and shine. Never a tear, baby of mine."

Noah stirs next door and hears her words coming through the wall. He smiles to himself in the dark as he creeps from the bed and back into the hallway. She is humming a little interlude to the baby when he comes in, her hands seemingly playing the notes on her rounded stomach.

"If they knew sweet little you, they'd end up loving you too," he sang as he made his way back to the bed in the dark. She doesn't stop skimming her hands over her tummy. The baby reacts instantly to his voice. "All those same people who scold you, what they'd give just for the right to hold you."

Rachel smiles at him as she scoots over on the bed to make room for him. "From your head to your toes, you're not much, goodness knows," they sing in unison, their voices blending perfectly. "But you're so precious to me, cute as can be, baby of mine."

He is laying beside her now, the first time they've been in the same bed for quite awhile. His left arm slips beneath her and draws her near before he turns over onto his side so that he can rub her tummy a little. "Always liked that song," he murmurs to her. "_Dumbo_ was my shit when I was a kid. His ma was a lot like mine, ya know?"

"Noah, do you think I'll be a good mother?"

"You fuckin' kidding me, Rach?" he laughs humorlessly. "You're already an amazing mom. Look at you. You love this kid so much already. Our boy, he's gonna know so much love that it's ridiculous."

She doesn't bother to correct him when he calls the baby theirs. Sometimes it feels like this little boy is his and that scares her. She still thinks that it should. Even if it all feels right, she still wants her son to know where he truly comes from. That doesn't mean that Noah doesn't have a paternal place in his life. It's just too complicated to seriously consider in the middle of the night. She decides to shelve those very dangerous thoughts for later and elects to bury her face in his neck instead.

"Will you stay tonight?" He doesn't answer as he tucks her head under his chin. She takes that for a yes and readjusts the covers so that they're wrapped around both of them. Early December was officially here and the temperatures had dropped accordingly. "Hey, Noah?"

"Hmm?"

"I think you're gonna be a really great dad."

The two of them don't say anything else, but he is still thinking about it when he wakes up the next morning. He allows himself to watch her sleep for a few minutes, silently wondering if she knows what she said last night. It changed something between them – changed _everything_. It was the first time she had acknowledged out loud that she wanted him to be something more than just a person in this kid's life. He's also not quite sure if she meant he'd be a great dad to her son or to another kid someday. His heart is praying for the prior but his head has made peace with the latter.

Slipping from the bed, he makes his way down the hallway and starts on dinner. It's late already, and their friends are coming today for the first day of Hanukkah. While most of their friends back in Lima are deeply entrenched in finals, Blaine managed to finish early and is coming down to celebrate the holiday with them. Mike was flying into Louisville and driving down with Santana. Even if none of them were Jewish, he was looking forward to sharing the day with them.

Since Rachel had handled Thanksgiving, he had volunteered to put everything together. His mom had emailed him a few family recipes last week, and he had already planned a traditional menu of latkes, loukomades and brisket. Along with a few side dishes that he had picked up from the kosher deli downtown and a special batch of sugar cookies (shaped like menorahs and dreidels) that his mom and Sarah had sent, it would be a decent meal that she would appreciate. He'd even made her a nice green salad since he knew his favorite little vegan wouldn't be eating any meat. While it would be just the two of them for the other seven nights, he wanted to give her a really great first night.

The lingering smell of brisket is already filling the house when she comes out of her bedroom freshly showered and dressed in a pretty navy maternity dressed. Her hair is loose around her shoulders, curled slightly on the ends just like she knows he likes. He pours her a glass of soy milk when she sits down at the counter and slides her vitamins across the counter much like he does every morning. She smiles her thanks and takes them obediently before moving the glass back over to his side so he can rinse it and put it in the dishwasher.

"You sleep okay?"

"Much better, thank you," she replies softly. "You should have woken me sooner. I could have helped."

"You looked all cute and cozy," he shrugs as he pours a little oil into the pan. "Besides, I told you I got this. Don't you trust me?"

"Implicitly," she replies confidently.

By the time he has the table set and the food is just about ready to come out of the oven and off the stove, Santana, Blaine, Mike and Rachel are huddled around the kitchen. They talk a little about school and what their other friends are doing. Santana complains that Brittany is stuck in Lima until after New Years because her parents are finally serious about making sure she graduates at the end of the year. Kurt is in New York working the holiday season at Barney's as a window dresser, which only makes Blaine roll his eyes a little. Mike tells them at Tina is just plain stuck at home studying for finals but wishes that she could have come to visit.

Out of all their friends, Puck is glad that it is these three that have found their way to Kentucky. Santana has slowly, strangely, become Rachel's closest confidant other than him. He doesn't question how it happens, only smiles whenever Rachel complains about something inappropriate Santana has told her about the very active sex life she shares with Brittany. He's always glad to have Mike around because the guy is just always so fuckin' happy. Like Britt, it's kind of infectious. And Blaine, well, he's kind of their mutual best friend – the one person that they like equally. He gets Rachel's Broadway infatuation and can still hang with the guys in Fight Club. He's just sort of their guy.

After Rachel says a traditional Hebrew prayer and they light the first candle on the menorah, they tuck into the meal and talk animatedly around the table. After dinner, Rachel gives each of them a little bag of chocolate coins wrapped in bright gold foil and a little wooden dreidel. Mike spins his instantly, sending it skittering across the table and right into the middle of Santana's plate. The Latina swats him playfully as they all laugh. Puck tells them that their gift is his amazing food and Rachel can't help but shake her head a little when she realizes he hasn't gotten them anything.

"Well, I come bearing gifts," Blaine announces as he pulls four silver and blue wrapped gifts from his coat pocket. "Open them at the same time." They tear away the paper to find pairs of tickets to the spring musical McKinley. "I'm the star again this year and I expect you all to come."

The date on ticket reads for mid-April, and Rachel figures that the baby will be a month old by then. It will be the perfect time to introduce her son to her friends. "Of course we'll be there, Blaine. I am always quite glad to support the arts and more importantly, a friend."

"Yeah, dude, we'll totally be there," Puck agrees, reaching out to bump his first against Blaine's. It wasn't really his scene, but he appreciates the sentiment. "Thanks, man."

"Besides, Britt's totally helping with the choreo, so I kinda have to be there," Santana reminds him. "Chang here is gonna have to come watch his girl too. Britt says Tina is killing it as the female lead."

"She's so excited," Mike smiles proudly. "I've already taken time off at the studio."

"My turn," Santana announces as she disappears into the living room. She comes back with four flat boxes. The truth was that she didn't know a whole lot about Hanukkah, but she totally understood gift giving. She'd always been really good at shopping.

Her friends open their boxes to find white tees with individualized messages like they'd worn a few years ago when Rachel had her crisis of faith about her nose. Only these were updated with positive messages that reflected who they truly were now and not the false impressions that the rest of the world saw. Blaine unfolds his first for the others to see. He hadn't been a student at McKinley yet when they'd made their shirts the first time.

"Bow Tie Boy," he laughs. "Well, I guess that's fitting."

"Yeah, man, how many of those things do you own?" Mike teases before holding up his own shirt. "Can Dance AND Sing." It's true, he'd grown into his voice. "You really think, San?"

"Dude, don't fish for a compliment," she rolls her eyes. "You know you've got skills."

"Damn right," Puck confirms as he looks down at his own shirt with a smirk. "Badass." He holds up the shirt for everyone else to see. "Satan, you know me so well."

"Too well," she agrees before unzipping her own shirt so they can see her own shirt. "Sexy Lesbian" reads across her chest. She had always owned her sexuality and now, she owned her identity. "It was Britt's idea."

"Always knew that girl was a smart one," Puck grins at her.

"You wear it well, Santana," Rachel murmurs, reaching across the table to squeeze her friends hand. She lifts her own shirt from the box and laughs. There is only a single gold star there. "Stars are kind of my thing, huh?"

Santana snorts. "Kinda. Look under the tissue paper, there is another one."

Rachel tears up when she finds a white cotton onesie. She traces her fingers over the words and then looks up at her friend. Santana hates when she starts crying through her smile too, internally blaming it on her stupid period. "Finn's Boy," Rachel reads as she shows the sleeper to the boys. "Santana..."

Everyone is surprised when it's Puck that pulls Santana into a hug. "You did good," he whispers into her ear before pressing a kiss to the side of her head. "Fuckin' perfect."

After they've all pulled on their shirts over their clothes, Mike hands out his gift. It's flash drives filled with recordings of their best glee performances. Rachel makes Noah get her laptop so that she can check it out right away. That leads to more reminiscing and them singing an old Journey favorite. While they're busy remembering Mr. Schuester's lame rapping, Puck slips back to his room. Even if he had pretended that he didn't have gifts for everyone, he'd actually picked out a little something with each of them in mind.

"Alright, so my mom didn't let us really have a lot of sugary cereal when we were kids. She said it'd rot our teeth, and the only time she really made an exception was Hannukah. She'd always buy Sarah and I a box each for the first day of Hanukkah, so I wanted to kind of keep that tradition," he explains. "I got Fruity Pebbles for Blaine. I think the reason is kind of obvious but it's also kind of not. Fruity Pebbles are all color and bright and tangy and shit, so that part kind of goes with the gay thing. But they're also just really fuckin' good and they always put me in a good mood. Blaine does that, he always makes me feel better."

"Well, that was only minorly offensive," Blaine laughs. "Thanks, Puck. I strangely understood what you just said."

"Fuck you, dude, I totally made sense," Puck curses before handing a box of Cap'n Crunch to Santana. "San here is just like Cap'n Crunch. This shit will tear up your mouth somethin' fierce. But when you get to the crunchberries, it totally feels worth it. You just kinda gotta deal with the other crap to get to the really good stuff."

A light twinkles in Santana's brown eyes when she is reminded just how well Puck knows her. "You can be such a dick," she shakes her head. "But you can also be kinda awesome."

He shrugs with one shoulder before handing over a box of Rice Krispies to Mike. "Chang here is all about movement. He is always full of energy and making these sounds. He snaps and crackles and pops when he dances, when he beat boxes and when he lamely attempts to rap," Puck explains. "He's also really reliable. You can always count on him being on that shelf when you go looking for him. He's a classic, and the classics never go out of style."

"And Berry here, she is Apple Cinnamon Cheerios. She is frighteningly wholesome and good for you. She makes you want to do what's right but she does it in this really tricky package," he says as he hands over the box. "But she also has a little bit of spice when you get to know her. She can be deceivingly wicked if you pay enough attention."

She blushes crimson at his very apt description of her. "Thank you, Noah."

"No big, Rach, s'nothin'."

They all hang out for awhile longer until Blaine starts yawning and Mike says that he needs to call Tina. The three of them head out together since the guys are staying with Santana at her new apartment. Rachel and Puck wave from the doorway as they pull out of the driveway and onto the street. Once the door is shut behind them, Puck goes back into the kitchen to clean up and Rachel puts Al Green on the stereo. She is humming to herself when she slips past him to put some of the leftovers in the fridge. He starts the dishwasher and follows her lead back into the living room.

"I got you something else."

"You did?" Rachel asks, her face lighting up. "But you already gave me the cereal..."

"Yeah, well, I wanted to save this one for just us," he smiles. "Besides, I know you got me something else, too, Berry. Go get it."

She laughs at how well he knows her before heading for her bedroom. She comes back with a small square box and sets it on the coffee table. There are two presents waiting for her. "Open the flat one first. It's for the baby," he tells her. Rachel picks it up and carefully pulls the paper away. She smiles when she sees the book. "_Good Night, Moon_ is required reading for babies. At least that's what Ma told me when I asked her."

She thinks it's sweet that he consulted his mother and tells him so. He blushes a little but doesn't say anything else before she nudges her gift toward him. She tells him to open it and raises her eyebrow when he tries to argue with her about ladies going first. He finds a silver chain with a little fob at the end. His initials are engraved on it. "To go with your pocket watch," she explains. She had noticed that his didn't have one. "I know you won't actually wear it, but I know that it was your grandfather's and thought it might be nice."

"It's great, babe," he grins as he fingers it delicately. The reverse side has a trio of music notes on it, and he knows what it symbolizes. "It's perfect."

Rachel is proud that he likes it so much. She had been a little nervous that he would think it was useless, but it had felt really important to her that she get this thing right. He had only talked about his maternal grandfather once, but she had understood then just how much the man had mattered to him. She can tell by the way he won't stop touching it that he really likes it.

"Your turn."

She picks up the gift and opens it carefully. Her gasp is audible when she pulls a certain turquoise box out of the little silver bag. Rachel fingers the satin ribbon as she says, "Noah, you shouldn't have," but that doesn't stop her from slipping it off the lid. The tears come again after she opens the velvet drawstring bag inside to find a charm bracelet. There are already two on there – a Star of David and a pair of baby booties. "Noah, this is beautiful."

"We'll add more later, but this felt like a good start."

"Great start," she corrects him before moving over to hug him. "You're amazing."

He doesn't take the easy route with a false bravado. He instead offers a genuine boyish smile and ducks his head just a little. "Happy Hanukkah, Rach."

"Happy Hanukkah, Noah," she says before leaning over to hug him again. He is still close when she pulls away, and she can feel him starting to lean in. Just when he is inches away from her, they both realize what is about to happen and snap apart. He shifts back awkwardly and she starts to fidget with the bracelet clasped tightly in her hand. "Um, I should probably go to bed. It's getting late."

"Yeah, probably," he replies as he stands up and stretches. She's just about to walk away when he catches her by the wrist and turns her back around. "We almost kissed."

Rachel giggles nervously as she nods. "Yeah, kinda."

"We shouldn't do that."

"Right."

"No, I mean, not yet," he replies. "It's fast, Rach, too fast."

"I know, it's only been..."

He reaches up and presses a finger to her lips. "Go out with me."

"What?"

"A date, go out with me," he says again.

She starts to say that she needs to think about it when she finds herself saying, "Okay."

"Good," he grins before kissing her forehead chastely. "Now get to bed before I change my mind about kissing you."

They exchange good nights in the hallway outside their rooms, and Rachel closes her door behind her. She changes quickly and tries to think about everything that just happened as she slips into bed. However, she can only think about how he is on the other side of the wall and how much she wants to throw caution to the wind and go back into his room and demand that he kiss her. Instead, she turns on her side and faces that wall, gently pressing her hand to the cool plaster and lets out a deep sigh.

On the other side of the wall, Puck is trying to figure out if any of this is really a good idea. He has thought about it endlessly and keeps coming back to the same conclusion. His heart wants her just as much as his mind, body and soul do. It's inevitable, and he knows that he needs to start this whole thing now before it all gets out of control. He wants her so much – in every way – and if he waits, he's afraid they'll just move too fast. God knows he wanted to say screw it and kiss her senseless in the living room. For now, he just presses his hand to their shared wall and promises himself that this time he is going to get the girl.

* * *

_Song Credit: "Baby Mine" from Dumbo_

_Author's Note: So we didn't quite get to seventy on the last one, but you guys got me close enough. Seriously, thank you so much for all the reviews. Your support drives me to write sooner. In the spirit of that gratitude, I picked a random reviewer to win the little surprise mentioned in my last update. Auhaes23, look for a PM soon!_


	12. Chapter 12

"Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who has sanctified us with His commandments, and commanded us to kindle the Hanukkah light," Rachel recited on the fourth night of the holiday week. Noah smiled at her as she repeated part of it in Hebrew from memory, reminding him a little of his mother. "Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our forefathers in those days, at this time."

After she had said the second blessing, she carefully lit the menorah and clapped happily. They had made it through the first four days successfully, each one getting a little bit better. Noah had given her a small bottle of her favorite perfume on the second night and a coffee table book full of Broadway photographs from the 1920s last night. She had given him a new set of wrenches she had seen him eying at the hardware store on the second night and all of his favorite candy on the third.

"I hope the kid likes Hanukkah as much as you do," Puck said as he watched the lights flicker across the walls. He could still remember her as a little kid, all excited at temple as the kids played dreidel. Her enthusiasm had always been infectious. "We just need to make sure you pick a strong Jewish name. Something Hebrew, ya know?"

"Do you think I'm bad for not even considering following Finn's religious preferences?"

Puck shot her a dirty look and rolled his eyes. "Finn barely went to church the entire time we were friends, and I knew the guy since we were six. The only time I ever heard him mention God was that whole grilled cheese fiasco, and I think that had more to do with misplaced guilt than actually believing in something real. Besides, Rach, we're Jews. It's who we are. You can't go changin' tradition."

She was glad that he was supportive. She had secretly wondered if Carole would be offended when she didn't even consider raising her child anything other than Jewish. It was an important part of who she was and one of the central things that she shared with Noah. She wanted her son to have the same kind of upbringing they had, even if his father hadn't been one of God's Chosen People.

"I just don't want to lose who Finn was and replace it with everything that I am."

He watched her tug her fingers through her dark, silky hair. "Rach, we won't let that happen. I think it's natural to think about shit like that, but Finn was my best friend. He was your husband. We know all his stories. Who better to get his memory to live on than us two?" he asked rhetorically. "Finn would have loved the hell out of this kid, no doubt about it. He also wouldn't have asked you to compromise who you were for who he was. He'd love you wanting to raise the kid as a Jew. He was around my mom enough. He knew how great they are."

Rachel thought for a moment about her own mother. "I've been thinking about calling Shelby."

They'd talked about it awhile ago, but he had chosen to stay quiet then. He hadn't thought it was his place to comment on her mother, no matter his relationship with Shelby. It was also a point of contention between them, his past dalliance with her birth mother. They never spoke about it, but they both knew he had fucked up big time when he had hooked up with Shelby. She had quietly forgiven him, understanding that it came out of misplaced yearning to be a father. Now that he had a second chance under different circumstances, they both knew that this time would be different.

"We could do that together," he offered. "Maybe tomorrow. I want to call and wish Beth a happy Hanukkah. It's been awhile since I talked to either of them. Shelby kind of said some things over the summer, and ya know, I just decided we should probably give each other some breathing room before I fucked up and she decided not to let me see my daughter."

"She doesn't know I'm pregnant."

"Rach, 'snot her business. Don't feel bad about that," he reminded her. "This baby will never call her grandma. She's just DNA, not family. Carole, your dads, my ma, that's family. This kid doesn't need her any more than you do. If she wants more and you're ready, then that's great. Fuckin' wonderful. I'm not going to risk your happiness or this baby for anything."

"Even Beth?"

"That's not fair, Rach, but no, not even Beth. There is no logical reason I should have to choose, but if I do, Quinn and I made that choice a long time ago. We gave Beth up so she could have a better life than we could give her at that time. It wasn't my idea but I ultimately agreed. Even if I think Shelby really messed up with you, she's been good to my other girl. It's hard to say it and even harder to believe it, but Beth's not mine to worry about raising."

He laughs when the only thing she focuses on is, "Other girl?"

"Duh, Berry. Whatever's been between us in the past, even if we were just friends, you've always been my girl," he reminded her before tugging on the end of her hair. "I think it's a good idea that you tell Shelby. Whatever you decide after this, you'll at least know what you have as options."

"Nice subject change, Noah," she ribbed him. "But you're right."

"And I think that we have something else that we need to do?"

"Oh, yeah?"

"I want to take you out after Hanukkah. I know that you're pregnant, so there are a lot of things we can't do. But I have an idea of something I'd like to do to surprise you," he told her. "So, what do you think, Berry? How does you and me sound for Sunday night?

She smiled and shook her head silently. "That'd be nice."

"Sweet," he grinned, and it was the happiest she had seen him since high school. He was just glad to be around her, and that was something she had come to love. The whole energy between them had always existed, their chemistry undeniable. Over time, that had grown to be a quiet affection built on friendship. For him, it had turned into love; for her, it was starting to feel like it.

She looked out the window then and saw the white flakes. "Noah, it's snowing!" He followed her gaze as the flakes floated down. Slipping behind her, he rested his hands on her stomach. The baby always reacted to his voice and his touch. She reasoned that the baby was already attached to him. He thought she was a little crazy, but then again, he always had believed that. "Go outside with me?"

He looked at her like she was crazy and then jutted his chin toward the door. "Get bundled up," he ordered her with a gentle pat on the butt. She shot him a look but scampered happily toward the closet to pull on her black parka. He reached for her accessories on the shelf, holding out each hot pink mitten for her to shove her little hands in. She laughed as he perched the hat atop of her dark hair and wrapped a scarf around her neck. "You're so cute," he chuckled as he pecked the tip of her nose. He grabbed his own coat and followed her the front door.

It was freezing outside, and the only light came through their windows and from the streetlight nearby. He watched as she jumped around in the snow best as she could in her boots. She tried and failed to make a snowball, so he took it upon himself to show her the art of making the perfect one to throw. And like anything she did, Rachel ended up being a pro after a few attempts and launched it at the back of his head. He retaliated by throwing a fistful of powder in her face. Her squeal echoed loudly in the night sky.

Rachel had felt old for weeks, far beyond her ears. Everything she was having to deal with were such adult things, but playing with Noah in the snow in their front yard made her feel like a kid. Just for a minute, she wasn't a widow who lost her husband to war or a mother trying to figure out how she was going to raise a kid alone. She was just a pretty girl having fun with the boy she liked as maybe more than a friend on a snowy winter's night.

She eventually ended up on her back in the snow, moving her arms and legs to make a snow angel just beneath her favorite sycamore tree. In a way that only she could, she managed to convince him to make one of his own. Rachel stops moving though when he rolls over and props himself up on his elbow next to her. Puck reaches for her coat zipper and tugs it down. He feels her suck in a deep breath as he lifts up the hem of her shirt over her rounded stomach. She wonders what he's up to until she feels him sprinkle a handful of snow on her skin.

"Hey, buddy, I thought we should share your first snowfall," Puck said. "Sorry if it's a little cold there, Mommy, but this is important. It's going to be all gone before is born. By then, we'll be ready for daffodils and rainy days. I can't wait to play with you and your mom in the snow. She's pretty cute when her face gets all pink from the cold. We can't wait to meet you, buddy."

Before she knows what she is doing, Rachel is tugging on Puck's collar and pulling him toward her. He leans down and she leans up and their lips finally meet in a kiss. It's feather light and brief, but it's the first time they have kissed since they were sixteen. She smiled against his lips as he leaned back. "Sorry."

Puck leaned down and kissed her harder this time. He sipped at her lips generously until she let out a little moan at the back of her throat. "Never apologize for that," he murmured between kisses. "You're incredible and sexy and sweet and perfect and..."

"Don't forget talented."

"And talented," he replied before pressing one last kiss to her lips. "And as much as I could literally do this all night, I meant what I said about waiting. Slow, Rach, it's important. We have time."

"I know, I'm sorry, just couldn't resist."

He linked their hands together after they were both on their feet and headed back into the house. She headed toward the kitchen to put on the kettle for cocoa while he went to work lighting the fireplace. When they're both done, he covers them with a blanket on the couch so that they can watch the fire dance and the snow fall. Well, she watches them and he watches her watching them. She is so beautiful.

"There's something I've been thinking about doing."

"Yeah?" he asks without looking away.

She nodded a little before asking him to get her computer out of her room. He came back with her pink laptop and opened it for her on the table. Rachel leaned forward so that she could log into her Facebook account. "I have Finn's password. I was on there the other day and I saw all the comments everyone made. It's just become this memorial wall, and that's not how I want to remember him. I get that they needed to find their own way to say goodbye, but I think they've all done that. I want to deactivate the account now and put all those sorry condolences in cyber space. Finn would have hated them and I don't want them."

"Sounds good to me."

She isn't surprised by his blasé attitude. It only takes a few keystrokes and the page is gone. The pictures are all housed somewhere else, and the parts that were Finn on the site went away when he left for Afghanistan. "There's something else I want to do." She had thought about this one a lot. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was the first little step toward taking off her wedding ring. She wasn't quite ready for that one and knew it would be quite awhile. However, she needed to give Noah some little sign that she trying to move forward, and this felt like a good place to start.

"Rachel Berry is single," he repeated. He wasn't sure that smiling was appropriate, so he elected to squeeze her hand instead. "You really sure you're okay with that?"

"For now I am. Maybe someday I'll change it to something else. For now, I'm going to see how this status feels on me."

She's not exactly married and she's not exactly single and she's definitely not in any kind of a relationship. "It's complicated" seems to lame for a girl like Rachel, so he agrees that it is probably the best compromise. He also hates himself just a little for being so happy that she'd done it. He knows that it's for him, to show him that she's moving forward. He knew it before but appreciates it nonetheless. He rewards her with a soft kiss to the inside of her wrist.

"So thanks for that."

"You want to sing something?"

He shakes his head but smiles sincerely. "I want to hear you sing."

"The lamp is burning low upon my table top, the snow is softly falling," she sings in her perfect soprano voice. "The air still within the silence of my room, I hear your voice softly calling. If I could only have you near to breathe a sigh or two, I would be happy just to hold the hands I love on this winter night with you."

He's never heard the song before but it sounds beautiful on her. Her head finds his shoulder and his arm finds its way around her torso. Their legs are tangled under the blanket and the lights of the menorah are still flickering in the window. It's perfect, and perfect used to scare him. Tonight, though, perfect feels like everything he's been waiting for all his life.

* * *

_Song Credit: "Song for a Winter's Night" by Sarah McLachlan_

_Author's Note: I am leaving this weekend for eight days in Washington for work, so I am not sure that I will get the chance to update while I'm gone. I wanted to leave you with a sweet little morsel to hold you over. I hope you enjoyed this one and can't wait to come back to lots of reviews. Y'all seriously are the best readers a girl could ask for.  
_


	13. Chapter 13

By the time the last day of Hanukkah rolled around, a fresh foot of snow had fallen in Kentucky, covering the base and the surrounding houses in a generous dusting of pristine white powder. Puck had tried to keep up with the shoveling for the first few hours but gave up when the wind kicked up and the guys on the news were calling it a blizzard. After that, they'd hunkered down in the house with a stack of movies, plates of sugar cookies and an endless supply of hot cocoa. Between foot massages for Rachel and the occasional sneaked kiss from Puck, the two of them managed to have a few meaningful conversations about where they were in their relationship and where they wanted it to go.

However, after four days, Puck was also feeling a little stir crazy. He loved hanging out with Rachel, but being trapped with her constantly was driving him insane. She was her usual self times ten thanks to the pregnancy hormones that left her running hot one minute and cold the next. Having been through it with Quinn, he had known what to expect, but it didn't mean that she didn't throw him for a loop from time to time. Even Quinn didn't have anything on a pissed off pregnant Rachel Berry. That stuff was made for horror movies.

Still, much to Rachel's surprise, he was pretty patient with her mood swings. He knew when to challenge her just enough to get her laugh and when to pull out the tissues right before the tears came. He chose to keep his mouth shut when she was just looking for fight and rubbed small circles on her back when she nearly choked from laughing so hard. She never knew when they were coming and wouldn't have blamed him entirely if he had sought refuge in his room. Instead, Noah chose to stay put and deal with whatever she was throwing his way head on.

The one thing that he hadn't had to deal with yet because she still had it under control was her libido. Her book assured her that her wanton feelings were totally naturally, but it was taking all the restraint she had in her body not to just jump him. Sure, she was pretty sure that she would feel like that with any guy who was around as much as he was at this point, but she also knew that it was different because it was Noah. Something had been set free insider her after they'd finally kissed again in the snow.

It is this much-needed restraint she is reminding herself about when they snuggle on the couch that eighth day of Hanukkah. Puck is just about to slide in a new movie when the door bell rang. She figured that it was probably one of the neighbors checking on them when she spotted a guy in a familiar brown uniform. It was crazy that anyone was out making deliveries in this kind of weather, with the roads still packed with snow and ice.

"I'll get it," Puck muttered as he headed toward the front door. She heard snow fall heavily as he pulled it open. "Hey, man, they got you out in this?" Noah made a little more small talk as he signed for a couple of packages and handed over a twenty. The guy tried to refuse, but Puck figured the guy deserved it if he was out in this mess.

Rachel suddenly appeared over his shoulder with a disposable thermal cup full of hot chocolate. "It's cocoa, I hope you like it," she said as she handed it to the man. He smiled at her thankfully and took a small sip before murmuring a thanks. They both told him thanks again and watched as he tramped through the snow back to his idling snow. "I can't believe they are making deliveries."

"Are we expecting anything from Lima?"

Figuring they were from her fathers, who had sent her clothes, toys, books and other necessities for the baby almost every other day, she took them out of Puck's hands and headed back to the living room. She was surprised to see Carole's name on one of the labels and Rebecca Puckerman on the other. They were both addressed to her, but she couldn't imagine what Puck's mom would be sending her. "One's from Carole," she told him. "This other one is from your mom."

"Ma?That's weird. She probably just bought some shit for the kid or something."

"Language, Noah," she reprimanded him. She had really started cracking the whip on the whole cursing thing. "Can you open these for me?"

Puck sank down on the floor next to Rachel and opened the box from Carole. Inside was a short note telling her that she had sent some of Finn's baby things. Rachel oohed and awed over a few pieces of clothes that had probably been some of Carole's favorites but might have seen better days. Her favorite was a tiny Ohio State jersey, which she laid over her stomach as she grinned up at Puck. He smiled in return as she pulled out a plush baseball, a baby book and a few small books.

"His baby book," she whispered as she pulled the leather-bound album out of the bottom of the book. Even if the photo had been taken nineteen years ago, it was undeniably his best friend's smile grinning up at him. Rachel opened the cover, and they spent the next twenty minutes reading about the first five years of Finn's life. "We need to get one of these," she said when she was finished. "I want my son to be able to do this with the mother of his child someday. That's important."

"So we'll get a book," he agreed. He knew these things were critical to girls like Rachel, and he wasn't about to argue if it was only going to take a simple book to make her smile like she was now.

"He was a cute baby," Rachel smiled as she closed the book and traced the photo with her fingertips. He could hear how much she missed him in those words. "I hope he looks like Finn. I miss his smile." She looked down at her hands and he knew that she was on the verge of tears. He knew that he should be the one to comfort her but he couldn't. He hated that he was jealous that she wanted her son to look like his father. Of course she would, it made total sense. It didn't stop his heart from hurting a little though, just a pang that reminded him that this wasn't really and truly his kid. "I'm sorry, Noah, I didn't mean..."

"Rach, stop," he retorted, placing his hand on top of hers. "I get it, I do. It's okay. You can miss him. I miss him. We can't pretend that this isn't his son. He's Finn's kid, and I hope that he looks like him, too. You need that, so does Carole. He should always have something that reminds him of the guy who loves him but can't be here. I wouldn't wish that away for anything in the world."

She doesn't quite believe him but knows that is what she needed to hear. "Do you want to open the one from your mom?"

"It's addressed to you," he shrugged as he handed over the box. Rachel pulled away the tissue paper and came back with a little gray tee and the tiniest pair of red Chucks she had ever seen. "Wow, I haven't seen those in a long ass time."

Rachel arched her eyebrow but ignored the curse. "Explain."

"They were mine," he told her as he held up the shirt. His last name was printed on the back and McKinley High School was on the front. "Ma got this when I was just a baby, and she'd take me to the football games with my dad. I guess my love for the game was there from the start. And the shoes were the first ones Ma ever bought me. She had to save up for a month to get them, but she was set on buying them."

"They're so tiny and perfect," she said as she fingered the lace. What he hears in her voice is that they're perfect because they are his and his mother wants her son to have them. "I'm glad we got this stuff. It's starting to feel real."

"He'll be here in three short months and then we will be trying to remember what it was like when there was peace and quiet before him," Puck pointed out.

"Never," she smiled in a way that only a mother could. "I'm going to love being a mom and I think you're going to like being a dad."

"A dad, huh?"

"If you want," she smiled softly. "I mean, we can figure out what you're going to be called, but I think – no, I _know_ – I want you to take that role in his life. Finn will always be his father, Noah, but he can't be here. It's just not possible. You, you're going to be his dad."

There is something in his throat and he has the sudden urge to call Beth. "What would you think about calling Shelby? You don't have to talk to her, but it's the last day of Hanukkah. I want to talk to Beth."

"Okay," she relented. "You call. I'll think about it while you talk."

Puck picked up his cell phone and headed down the hall a little. He always paced when he talked on the phone for any kind of length. Two rings later, he heard a breathless Shelby pick up the phone with Beth's laughter. "Hey, stranger," he greeted her happily. "Sounds like my girl there is enjoying the snow."

"You have no idea," Shelby replied with a laugh. "How are you holding up down there?"

"We're inside. We got about eight more inches than you all did up in Lima, but Rachel has been keeping me entertained," he said. Shelby didn't know everything that was going on, but she had read about Finn's death in the paper the week after the funeral. She had sent a bouquet of flowers and a beautiful sympathy card to Rachel after she'd called the house and found out that she had returned to Kentucky with Noah. "And she's doing good before you ask. Strong as always, you know Rach." He knew that she didn't but didn't dwell on it long. "Can I talk to Beth real quick? I just want to tell her Happy Hanukkah."

Rachel listened as Shelby handed over the phone and Noah's face lit up at the sound of his daughter's voice. The two of them talked in a language of their own, and she felt like she was intruding for being privy to his side of the conversation. He asked a short list of questions and told her that he would love to hear her sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star." He complimented Beth after she was done and told her that she sounded like a big girl. Beth must have asked when he was coming to visit with Quinn because he promised that they would come after she got home from visiting Shelby's parents for Christmas.

"Alright, sweetie, you have fun building that snowman with your mom," he said softly. "I love you, Beth." Rachel watched his face light up again and figured that Beth must have returned the sentiment. "Thanks for letting me talk to her, Shelb. It made my whole holiday." He looked up to see Rachel slowly walking toward him. She answered the question in his eyes with a short nod. "There's actually someone here who wants to talk to you."

"H-hi," Rachel stuttered as she took the phone from Noah. He took her by the hand and led her back to the couch. He started to get up but she held him down by the wrist. "How is your Hanukkah going?"

"It's been nice. Cold though. Puck said you all had a blizzard. I hope you're staying warm."

"He's pretty good at building a fire," she replied. "I actually need to tell you something."

"First, Rachel, let me say again how I am sorry about Finn. I wish I had known earlier so that I could have come to the funeral," Shelby replied. She was really trying to be part of Rachel's life in whatever way her biological daughter would allow. She knew it was hard for Rachel to see her with Beth given their history, but for both girls' sake, she hoped they could figure it out. "Is there anything you need? Can I do anything for you?"

"I'm fine, we're fine," she reassured her. "I just thought I should tell you that I'm...I'm pregnant."

The line was quiet for what may have been the longest minute of Rachel's life. "Wow, Rachel, that is wonderful," Shelby said hesitantly. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say to her.

"It's Finn's, I'm six months along," Rachel said. She knew that Shelby was probably stuck trying to figure out whose it was given the situation and the fact they hadn't seen each other in nearly two years. "Noah has been really amazing with everything. We're still trying to figure it all out, but we're making it work. I'm due in March, but we're planning a visit to Ohio in April. I hope that we'll see you then."

"Well, you could see us before then if you want. I was going to invite Puck up to see Beth after we got home in January, but we could come down there instead. We need to stick around so Quinn can see her, but I could come to Kentucky for a couple days if you wanted. No pressure, I'm sure that I could make some other kind of arrangements for Noah to see Beth."

"No, no, that would be great," Rachel said. "We would love to have you both here for a visit. I have a third bedroom, so you can stay with us. It'd be nice to see Beth and you. I think it's been too long for all of us."

After a promise to talk soon and firm up their arrangements, Rachel hung up the phone feeling better than she had in awhile. She was surprised to see tears shining in Noah's eyes though. He buried his face in her neck as he pulled her half in her lap and whispered his thanks into her ear over and over again. She started to cry a little then too because she knew how much this meant to him. The whole thing was bittersweet really. Their tears were for the lives they could have had but never would.

"I don't want to be like Shelby. Ever."

"You won't, Rach," he said confidently. "You're really nothing like her. Not where it counts."

"I am going to work hard to make sure my son never feels like this," she vowed. She never wanted him to question whether his mother loved him or to let a day pass where he felt unwanted. "I want him to know that we love him, Noah. He has to know."

"He will, babe," he promised. "He's gonna know so much love. Just like Beth knows Q and I love her, even if we're not always around. This kid, though, he's not gonna get the chance to even wonder because you and me are gonna be there every step of the way."

"You promise? That's a pretty big commitment."

"Bring it," he said, reminding her of that fateful day when he had chosen a girl over football. He was choosing her and her son and this family over parties and women and freedom again. There was no question in his voice. She knew that he meant it. "He's mine now, Berry. Nothin' and no one is gonna change that." His possessiveness was strangely sexy, which she rewarded with a brief and chaste kiss to the lips. He smiled proudly when she pulled away. "I like that you're doing that now. S'very good."

"Mmhmm," she hummed in agreement as he started to scratch his blunt nails over her scalp. "Wanna take a nap with me? Nothing else, just sleep?"

"Sounds perfect," he replied and it was.


	14. Chapter 14

The Saturday after Hanukkah started like any other Saturday since Finn had died and Rachel and Puck had returned to Kentucky. After she woke up and had a quick breakfast, she took a walk around the block before coming back to do a load of laundry. Once she had read through her mail for the week and called her fathers, she would get in the car and drive down to a small office on base where a group of women just like her would sit in a circle for an hour so that they could stop pretending that everything was normal and finally just let everything out.

The support group had been a godsend for Rachel. She had found comfort among the eight women immediately. There were two other army wives whose husbands had died within the past few months in Afghanistan. There were three Navy wives who had lost husbands at sea since the war had others included an Air Force wife and two from the marines. They came from all over the country but had ultimately been assigned to accommodations in Kentucky after they had lost their husbands. It was a sad social group that they tried to pretend was just your typical sewing circle or book club.

Puck had came with her for the first few times and waited out in the hallway until she came out of the meeting. After awhile, though, she had insisted on coming were supposed to have a new wife there this week, an Army wife like her who had lost her husband a month ago and was expecting her first child. However, unlike Rachel, she didn't have a Puck to make sure that she was okay. This poor woman was alone, and Rachel felt it was on her to make the girl feel as welcome as the others had made her when she had first started coming.

"Hey, Rachel, how's it going?" asked Maria, a pretty thirtysomething who had been among the Marine wives. She had been part of the group for nearly a year now and had two young sons. The kind Latina had even given Rachel some clothes for the baby. These women really looked out for each other. "Have a good Hanukkah?"

"I did, it was wonderful. I can't believe all this snow though! They only got a few inches back home in Ohio, but I had Noah to keep me company. We even played it in a little. Did the boys enjoy it?"

"Any time off school is good to those two," she laughed happily. "Needless to say, Mom is going to be pretty happy when they go back on Monday. I love spending extra time with them, but a week is a long time to spend cooped up in the house with them."

"Tell me about," added Jessica, the mother of nine-year-old twins who had lost her husband to an IED in Iraq. She was one of maternal figures in the group and among the oldest at 44. "The girls must have watched every Disney movie in our collection, taking turns arguing about whose turn it was to pick. I love them like crazy, but it did get to be a little much."

They made small talk for another few minutes until the leader of the group came in to welcome them. Annie was the lone Air Force wife who had lost her husband when his plane got shot down somewhere over Baghdad two years ago. There hadn't been a good group for young wives then, so she had put her social work degree to good use and worked with the base to set one up. Members had come and gone in the months since then, but Annie remained dedicated to helping as many wives as she could. She had recently become engaged to one of the sergeants stationed at Fort Knox and was planning to marry come summer.

"Alright, ladies, I hope you will make our newest member feel welcome. Her name is Ali, and she is twenty," Annie told them. The petite blonde smiled slightly at the group as her hands rested on her stomach. Rachel grinned widely at her as she rubbed her stomach for emphasis. "Ali, do you want to share your story?"

"Uh, sure," she replied shortly. "As she said, I am Ali, and if you can't tell, I am five months pregnant with a little girl. My husband, Alex, was killed last month when his jeep experienced hostile gunfire at a checkpoint. All four men were killed instantly."

"Welcome, Ali," retorted Jasmine, a beautiful African-American nurse whose Navy husband had died at sea during a rescue mission. "On behalf of the group, we just want you to know that we are glad that you are here. We all have one very sad thing in common and many wonderful things, and if you let us, I think you'll find these ladies can become a great source of friendship and support."

"I can attest to that," Rachel smiled genuinely as she met Ali's eyes. "I'm Rachel, and I've only been coming here for about a month. My husband, Finn, was killed in Afghanistan when I was about three months pregnant. Now, I'm over six months pregnant, and these ladies have helped keep me sane. There are some great girls willing to help you with anything."

They spent the next little while talking about some of the steps she would go through with the military to familiarize her with the process. Rachel had wished she had started coming to the group earlier when she had learned how helpful they could have been with this particularly difficult part of the whole process. After they were over, Rachel gave Ali her phone number and encouraged her to call if she ever needed anything. She even offered that she had a friend of Finn's staying to help her with some things who would be happy to help her with any car troubles or handy work.

When she finally made it back home, she was surprised to find Noah's truck gone and Santana's silver convertible waiting in the driveway. "San?" she called as she came through the foyer, happy to find her friend waiting at the dining room table. "What are you doing here?"

"A little birdie told me that you have a date tonight with Puckerman."

"So Brittany spilled, huh?" Rachel laughed. As the biggest Puckleberry supporter there ever was, Rachel had finally confided in her favorite blonde about the date. She had wondered how long it would take her to let it slip to Santana, but Rachel wasn't mad. It was Brittany, a girl without a single purposely mean bone in her body. Anything she did like that was under the guidance of Santana and Quinn, but even those powers had seemed to fade over the years. "That still doesn't explain what you are doing here."

"I thought you could use a little help getting ready, so I drove my ass all the way from Louisville to help you get dressed. I kicked Puck out of here when I arrived. He will be back at six to pick you up."

"Do you happen to know where we're going?"

Santana jutted her chin out the brunette defiantly. "Uh uh, no way, Berry. That there is top secret information. I promised Puck I wouldn't say a word, and no matter how good of friends we are, I'm not ratting out my bro."

Rachel both admired and despised her loyalty but knew it was fruitless to argue with her friend. "Alright, alright, fine," she relented. "What did you have in mind?"

Santana set to work helping Rachel get ready for her big first date with Puck. Even during that week they had dated, they had never gone out anywhere together. Most of their time had been spent hanging out in her bedroom, singing and making out on her bed. They'd also had a few quality hours in his truck. This was a big deal, involving her son and her dead husband's son.

Just as she was about to wipe a mascara wand over Rachel's dark lashes, Santana was surprised to find her best friend in tears. "Berry, dry it up," she said almost harshly. She didn't know how to handle crying, especially when it was on someone she loved as much as Brittany or Rachel. "Hey, c'mon, none of that. Tonight is your night."

Rachel reached up self-consciously and smudged her eyes as she attempted in vain to make the tears go away. "I'm sorry," she said in a small voice. "I just feel guilty. I miss my husband, but do I miss him enough? I'm about to go on a date with his best friend. That hardly seems appropriate."

"B, this isn't about what's appropriate," Santana assured her. "It's about what makes you feel good. Anything that makes you smile - I'm all for it. Puckerman seems to do that for you, and honestly, I haven't seen a lot of that lately. Finn would want you to be happy."

"I think some part of my brain logically knows that, but then I think about him and how he was alone when..." Rachel trailed off. "It's just never going to be easy for me, Santana, not like it was before. I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with Finn. We had a plan, these dreams that were bigger than both of us."

Santana looked at her friend wearily. Everyone knew about Rachel's dreams. "Yeah, but were they his dreams?" she asked softly. "Think about it, B. Finn wanted to follow in his father's footsteps. His dad was his hero. He knew exactly what he was getting himself into when he chose to enlist. That was his dream. It was never going to be New York. He loved you and that was definitely a part of the dream, but he wasn't made for Manhattan and stardom. He would have been perfectly happy with a military life that landed him back in Lima someday. You were too big for Ohio. Hell, you're too big for Kentucky."

"Finn was my dream."

"No, Broadway and New York and a career in music were your dreams," Santana said. "I'm not saying that dreams don't change. I just think that you somehow let yourself believe that his dream had become your dream. We all always thought it would be the other way around."

"Well, I'm sorry that I disappointed you all!" Rachel snapped.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Escucha, chica, you know it's not even like that, so don't play the angry pregnant mommy card. You forget that I survived Quinn Fabray, and you don't have anything on Q, Yentl."

"Really, you're still going to call me that?"

"Yup," Santana replied, popping the last letter for emphasis. "I know that your life is different now, but I just think you should learn at least one lesson from all of this. Be open, Rach. Don't feel bad about something until it happens. Let your heart lead you a little. Seems like weird advice coming from me, but it's the damn truth."

"San, do you think I should have gone to New York?"

"Maybe we both should have," Santana shrugged, "but there are some choices we make for love. Britt was the best choice I could have ever made. Finn was yours at the time. He gave you this baby, who I hope to God takes after you and not Frankenteen. Regardless, Puck is gonna be a good choice. He cares about you and has for a very long time. No one is going to love you or this kid as much as he does."

Rachel blushed a little. "You think he loves me?"

"I know he does, Rach, and so does everyone who watches the two of you together. You have a lot to still work through, but he makes you better. You can't do this alone, and Finn wouldn't want you to do it either. I don't know if he would have picked Puck but that doesn't matter. What matters is what your heart is telling you is right. Don't be afraid to listen to it. Seriously, I'm telling you, this is some good ass advice."

"Eloquent, Santana," Rachel said primly.

"Doesn't make it less effective or true," she pointed out. "Now stop your arguing and let me fix your makeup. You're a hot mess." Santana softened her tone a little. "Seriously, B, it's going to be so good. You know, Britt's not the only one who is a huge fan of Puckleberry. If you look around, I think you'll find you have a lot of us in your corner."

* * *

_Author's Note: Thanks to everyone for all the reviews. I'm still out of town but wanted to finally post the chapter I wrote on the plane. Lots of love!_


	15. Chapter 15

The last thing Puck expected to do on his first date with Rachel was spend it watching her sleep, but when he came home fifteen minutes before he was supposed to pick her up and found her deep in a REM cycle, he didn't have the heart to wake her up. She was nearly into her third and final trimester, and he knew that sleep like this was becoming increasingly precious. Part of him wanted to kill Santana for insisting that she come from Louisville to get Rachel ready, but the beautiful smile on her face as she napped appeased any remaining animosity he felt toward his Latina friend. Instead, he elected to slide in behind her on the sofa, wrap his arms around her ever-increasing stomach and enjoy the feeling of a very active baby playing beneath his splayed hands.

His life had changed so drastically over the past several months. He had gone from being a somewhat carefree bachelor in sunny California whose only real obligation was the biweekly check he sent home to his mother to cover some of the costs back in Lima. Now, he was committed to a lifetime of being a father to a child that would never truly be his, not with the shadow of a biological father who died a hero serving his country. He was also deeply entrenched in Rachel's life, a role he had taken on willingly and gladly. There were times when both seemed insurmountable, like he would always be just this pale version of his best friend, the man that everyone would always wish was still around.

It kind of reminded him of that Susan Sarandon movie that used to make his mom cry when he was a kid. He never got why she watched it if she knew it was going to make her bawl every time, but she always just smiled in this knowing way that women do and told him that sometimes a girl just needs a good cry. Anyhow, the part that always seemed to get to her was when Julia Roberts' character was talking to Susan Sarandon's about how she was worried that her daughter would always wish that her biological mother would be there on these big events and how Susan Sarandon's character was afraid that they wouldn't.

Puck never really got what that meant until now. He knew that he would always be compared to the dad that wasn't there. When the boy he already thought of his son got angry and rebellious, he knew it was inevitable that he would throw it back in Puck's face that he wasn't his real father. He knew that when it came time for him to propose to the girl that would become his wife, he would wish that his "real" dad was there to give him some sage piece of advice someone gave him before he proposed to Rachel. He knew that the day the boy walked across the stage to get his college diploma, Rachel would look toward the sky and wish that Finn could be there to see it too. He knew that there would be so many of those moments and that feelings of jealousy and inadequacy were inevitable.

He also knew that even if they wished these things, they would be glad that Puck was there. That was the lone assurance that gave him peace. When he did get rebellious, it was Puck that he would eventually look to for guidance and to whom he would eventually apologize when he realized he was wrong. When the time came for his son to propose, it would be Puck who got to help him pick out the ring and watch him get dressed for his wedding and fight back tears as the father of the groom. And when the boy graduated from high school, he would be beside Rachel with a camera, bursting with pride that this incredible kid - Rachel's and Finn's and his - had turned out so damn wonderful. He knew that there would be so many of those moments and the feelings of truly being a father made all those other ones worth it.

These were the things he had been thinking about as he helped Rachel get ready for the baby. He was glad to refinish a dresser she just had to have a garage sale because she knew the tiny drawers would be perfect for baby clothes. He was happy to drive across town in the middle of the night because she just had to have a spicy pretzel from the only gas station open at 2 a.m. He never complained about how her mood could go from weepy to batshit crazy in under three seconds without any rhyme or reason. He did all these wonderful things with a smile because he was going to be a dad and that's what dads did. Whether he was working under the hood at the garage or struggling through one of the equivalency tests he had to take before he started classes, his goal and his focus were clear. All of this, every little bit of it, was for Rachel and the baby.

It is those two he is thinking about an hour after he came home to find Rachel asleep and she is waking up in his arms for the second time that week. She smiled sleepily at him one moment and murmured an apology the next when she realized the time with the chime of the bells from the church on the corner. "It's okay," he told her with a kiss to the back of the head. "We have one of those vegan pizzas you love in the freezer. I'm thinking a dinner by lantern on the front porch might be even better than anything I had planned."

And so she starts the pizza in the kitchen and he sets up a table on the porch and the two of them share a bottle of fine ginger ale as the sun prepares to set. "Do you ever think that God is a painter?" he asks as she takes a bite of a mushroom and hums her deep appreciation for the food. "Sometimes I look at the sunrise and sunset and think that He has to be. He takes his paintbrush to the sky every day and creates these incredible works of art that you have to see to believe. Every one is a little bit different, but you can see His hand in all of it. They're like people that way. Pretty cool."

Rachel grins at him then and he thinks that God paints a masterpiece every single time with that smile of hers. No one ever expects him to have deep thoughts but he has them all the time. He just doesn't really say them out loud much but he trusts Rachel. She appreciates the way he'll randomly say things like that without bothering to explain or elaborate more than he has to. She wasn't always like that, but somewhere along the way, she's gotten used to his sporadic bits of philosophy.

Afterward, they walk around the block and Puck kisses her on the front porch when they get back. It's strange to walk her down the hallway and leave her at her bedroom door. The last time he had walked another girl to her room, he had ended up emerging two days later with scratches on his back that didn't heal for three weeks. But like most of his other wild oats, those days were long gone. He was content with the breathy little sigh and wide eyes she gave him when he kissed her one last time. It was just nice.

What's not so nice is waking up the next morning to find a long letter in her hurried handwriting with words of apology. He doesn't understand, no one would, it didn't make sense. Everyone else would have expected him to be the one to run. That would have been realistic. Rachel's disappearance? No one could have seen that one coming from a mile away.

_Dearest Noah,_

_By the time you read this, if you haven't figured it out already, I am already gone. You can hate me. God knows that I already do. I deserve it for what I am doing to you, to everyone, I realize that. I just cannot do this any longer. I had to, please understand._

_I should have never given you my heart, Noah. It was never really mine to give. I did that once, with Finn, and he was taken from me. He never returned my heart. It still belongs to him. I thought I could do this, move on because it should be time, but my heart after last night knows that it was a mistake._

_Excuse the smears, the tears are coming quicker than I can write. I wish I could make sense of all this for you, but I cannot even do that for myself. I just know that I need to end it now before we get in any deeper because I don't want to hurt you for anything in the world, Noah. You deserve better than this, better than me. I'm so sorry._

_Please don't try to look for me. Only my fathers will know where I am headed and they will never tell you. Try to move forward, Noah. Find a kind, good Jewish woman and fall in love the way you deserve to be loved. Have a family! You aren't second best, here or anywhere, and you never will be. It's not about that even if you think it is. _

_The cab is here and I can hear you crying. I will have my fathers get in touch about everything else. I pray that you will understand and someday even forgive me. I don't think I can bear the thought of you being somewhere in this world hating me. Even if I deserve that, it still hurts my heart. Take care, Noah, and please never doubt that-_

_I love you,_  
_Rachel Barbra Berry_

_P.S. Tell Brittany that I'm sorry. She'll understand._

It takes Puck approximately three seconds after reading the letter to send his fist through the wall in the living room. This stupid letter had come out of left field and he wanted to do exactly what she had thought he would do and hate her for writing it. He wanted to beat her fathers until they gave up where she was and he wanted to demand that she come back home to him so they could have the family they had planned on. He wanted to do all these things but didn't. Instead, he sat down on the living room floor and started to sob.

An hour later, he nearly crawled to his bedroom to find his phone and started calling everyone he knew. Santana was just as shocked and confused as he was. Kurt claimed that he hadn't talked to Rachel in days. Brittany burst into tears and Tina started cursing in stunted Chinese and Mike just muttered an awkward apology. Blaine said that Artie and he could be down there in a few hours and Quinn said she'd jump on the next plane if he needed her there. Mercedes conference called Sam and the two of them didn't really have much to offer up but insisted on keeping Puck on the phone until they were sure he wasn't going to lose it. Her fathers wouldn't answer his call and his mother only said that she was expecting his.

"Come home, Noah," she said softly as soon as she answered. He knew then that Rachel had sent word ahead of time that this was coming. He hated her for telling anyone else first. "Please, just come back to Ohio. There's nothing left for you there, sweetie, you need to come home."

He was angry and tried to fight with her but only ended up in tears. Instead of telling him to come home again, she told him that she would be there in a few hours to get him and stayed on the line the entire time as she spent her entire time navigating the highways that took her from Lima to Fort Knox. She had only hung up for about fifteen minutes right before she left, and by the time she pulled up to the little house he had been sharing with Rachel, he could see why. Blaine and Sarah climbed out of the car after his mom, and the three of them hugged him simultaneously in the front yard when he finally and fully fell apart.

They all ended up back in house eventually. Rebecca sat at one end of the sofa with her son's head in her lap like he used to do when he was home sick as a little kid. Sarah sat on the floor next them, her back against the sofa and her hand clasped firmly in Puck's. Blaine sat next to her, his head resting on the couch as he watched his best friend worriedly. None of them had ever seen him this broken before, and they had no clue what they were supposed to do.

"He is my son," he said finally as he peered up at his mother. "She took him away from me. That was my baby. I was going to be his dad. I really wanted him, Ma."

"I know, baby," she said softly as she ruffled his hair gently.

Her Noah had always been so strong that she didn't know what to do with this innocent, broken version of him. She was furious with Rachel for promising a life and a purpose and then taking it all away. There was no rhyme or reason to any of it. It didn't make a lick of sense, but yet, here they were. Had it not been for Leroy's call before she'd even started her coffee that morning, she could never never seen it coming. When Rachel's father had refused to say anything more, Rebecca had slammed the phone and waited for her son to call.

"I hate her." Both Puck and Rebecca are surprised when the simple statement comes from Sarah. She looked up at her big brother with the same hazel eyes that he had. "I hate her and I don't care what you guys say about her being sad or confused. She's stupid, Noah. You deserve better than this."

"Selfish bitch," he muttered and they all knew his heart wasn't in it. He squeezed Sarah's hand. "Don't cry, Sar. You and me and Ma, we're gonna be just fine. I promise."

They sat there like that for awhile until Rebecca decided that her son needed to eat and that Sarah needed to help her make dinner. Blaine exchanged a knowing look with Puck's mom and understood that it was on him to watch over her son. He moved to sit next to where his friend was now hunched over on the couch. Resting one hand on the middle of Puck's back, he couldn't do anything useful other than cry with his friend. When Puck turned and threw his arms around Blaine, he just hugged him tightly.

"You know Sarah is right," Blaine said. "I hate her, too."

"Don't, man, I sure as hell don't," he replied softly. "That's the fucked up thing, ya know? I love that girl more than anything in the world. I'd still go to the fuckin' ends of the earth if she asked me. She's just confused. I'm gonna figure this all out and make it right. She'll see, man."

Blaine looked at his friend with concern. "And if she doesn't?"

"I don't even wanna hear that fuckin' noise," Puck shook his head. "I don't think I can handle it. This shit, me, I don't work without her anymore. Her and that baby, that's my life, and I will fight anyone - even her - to keep what's mine. I'll find my girl and my son, and we're gonna be a family."

Rachel is still trying to figure out what she did what she did when she stepped off the plane in New York. Somewhere between that kiss at the door and her 3 a.m. panic attack, she knew that she was too deep into this to find a way out. She had to leave or she was just going to break Noah's heart. She couldn't risk that or her son. The only way to save all of them was to go. Her fathers tried to talk her out of it but ended up paying for her plane ticket. An old familiar face was waiting on the other end when she came out of the terminal.

"Come on, let's get you back to my place."

She sat in the backseat of the cab and watched the buildings pass by in a blur. This would have been her life had she stayed her after Finn enlisted. However, as her hands rested on her stomach, she knew that wasn't necessarily a good thing anymore. She was just so confused and unsure and scared. The truth was that Rachel didn't know what the hell she was doing. She just needed to hide until she could figure that out and come up with a plan, one that didn't include falling in love with her dead husband's best friend and raising said husband's son with him. Rachel couldn't be that girl, one that she was starting to think Finn would hate despite everything else she had tried to make herself believe. This was the only way out for any of them.

* * *

_Author's Note: Alright, don't hate me too much for this one. I know it's a shift in direction but all will make sense if you hang with me and give me the time. Puckleberry is end game and happy endings will be had. Sometimes we need to throw a little rainstorm into the sunshine though to get a rainbow. _


	16. Chapter 16

The first one came the Tuesday after she got to New York. She ignored the ding of her email as she talked to her father, his voice simultaneously impatient and worried. Rachel felt guilty for putting her fathers through this. She knew that they had enough to think about without having to worry that their only daughter was going crazy a thousand miles away. It probably would have been easier on everyone if she had just gone to Ohio, but she knew it would be harder to escape that way. Distance was the only way she could make herself believe that this whole thing was actually a good idea.

"Star, your daddy and I are just worried," her dad said. "This isn't like you at all. We think you should maybe see someone there in New York. Something isn't right with you, and I don't want you to lose yourself too completely before you figure it out."

Rachel got angry then and ended the phone call without saying goodbye. The last thing she wanted to hear was how defective someone thought she was. She knew that there was something wrong, and she didn't have the slightest clue how to deal with it. She had sat in that support group and believed that she was getting better. It was only that last night in Kentucky when she had woken up in a dead panic that she was forcing her entire life on Noah that she had realized that doing that was just as bad as not letting go.

"Hey, Rach," the familiar voice said as soon as she opened the email message and pressed the play button. She missed Noah so completely that she actually ached. "I know that you have a hard time sleeping, so I thought I'd send you two a lullaby. I miss you."

"Won't somebody please help me with my miseries? Won't somebody see, yeah, what this world has done to me?" Noah sang into her ear as he strummed his guitar. She could see him there with that old guitar in his lap, his calloused fingertips working nimbly over the strings. "And I know, I know, and I say, oh, I say that no matter where I go, no, I will always see your face."

Rachel had decided that maybe her dad was right by the time her daddy called early the next morning. She knew that it was the same time her dad was usually swimming at the JCC before work and that he very likely didn't know that Daddy was even calling her. She tried not to be defensive as she answered the phone, staring up at the flat white ceiling in the small guest bedroom she had claimed as hers. The sounds of New York were her only company at the early hour, but she missed the comforting quiet of her little house in Kentucky. Even more than that, she missed the gentle snore of Noah that always greeted her through the wall every morning.

"Maybe Dad was right," Rachel told her daddy as she rubbed her stomach. "I mean, it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone here, right?"

"I could help you find someone."

"I need to do this on my own, Daddy," she replied knowingly. "That's what got me here in the first place. I was relying too much on other people and not enough on myself."  
"Is that why you left, honey?"

She wanted to admit to her father that she didn't know why she left. She wanted to explain how sad she felt one minute and how exhilerated she felt the next. She wanted him to see how this was her only way to control what was happening to her and that she was saving everyone trouble by leaving before it got even worse. Most of all, she wanted to ask if Noah was alright, but she knew that she didn't deserve to know.

Instead, she only hummed her dissent and promised him that she would look up doctors names that afternoon. After they said goodbye, she spent an hour on Google looking through guides to the best mental health professionals in the Greater New York area. Once she had narrowed it down to a couple, she called each office to get a feel for their regimes and finally made an appointment for the next morning with a nice Jewish doctor in the Village. She almost typed her symptoms in Web MD but figured the paranoia wouldn't do anything to calm her nerves. Instead, she checked her email and was sad but pleased to find another message from Noah.

"Hey, babe, I thought maybe some old familiar faces would get one of those beautiful smiles you're so famous for," he told her before a collage of photos appeared on the screen to her borrowed laptop. "We all miss you. I miss you."

"You were my life, you were my faith. You gave me hope every day. When you told me you loved me, were those just words?" he sang sadly, and she could feel that he meant every word in a way that just broke her heart all over again. "You can't tell me you don't need me and I know that hurts 'cause I'm looking at your picture 'cause it's all I've got. Maybe one day you and me will have one more shot."

"Rachel, it sounds like you have been through a lot in a very short time," Dr. Kaiser told her the next morning while she sat in the tiny redhead's office. Rachel really hated the uncomfortable plaid chair and the plastic plant in the corner, but she loved how the doctor seemed to have some kind of explanation for what was happening to her. "This type of reaction isn't uncommon for someone who has had such traumatic stress. Your symptoms are likely amplified because of your pregnancy."

"Okay," Rachel replied as she raked her fingers through her hair nervously. "So what do we know?"

"Well, I think from what I've heard that you are dealing with a mixture of prepartum depression, which was brought on by your pregnancy, and manic depression, which was likely triggered by the loss of your husband."

"So you think I'm crazy?" Rachel cried.

"No, Rachel, I think you're human."

It is this fallibleness that Rachel is thinking about when she comes back to her temporary apartment and finds her roommate waiting for her. Kurt had lied to almost everyone on her behalf after she had begged him. She might have even pulled the uncle card. She knew that her safe haven was only temporary. He refused to lie to Blaine at all, and the minute that his boyfriend asked, Kurt would tell the truth.

"He called again, Diva."

"What did you tell him?"

"The same thing that I've told him every time. Are you sure you don't want to talk to him, Rach? Puck's really worried. Maybe if he knew you were here..."

"He'd just show up here, Kurt, and that is the absolute last thing I need! I said I would get help and I'm doing that. Your pressure is just making things worse. I can't talk to Noah. My fathers and you are the only ones who know I'm here, and it has to stay that way. Promise me you won't say anything."

Rather than making a promise, Kurt could only smile at her sadly. "He's going to find out eventually, Diva, and it's going to be better coming from you."

Kurt left her alone to cry in the kitchen. Rachel's sobs only amplified when she opened up her email a little later and found a still frame from a video that showed Brittany and Noah smiling back at her.

"I still believe in Puckleberry, Rachel," Brittany said matter-of-factly. "So come back soon! San said she won't even kick your ass for making me cry."

Rachel managed a small little laugh through her tears. "This is just something Britt and Iworked up," Noah added. "Hope you like it, babe. I miss you."

The camera pulled back to show that they were in the old choir room. He'd gone back to Lima just like she knew he would. Puck and Brittany sat side by side on wooden stools, him with his guitar in his hand and Brittany's hands folded in her lap.

"Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could have," Brittany sang with a forlorn smile before looking up at Puck. "And maybe I didn't treat you quite as good as I should have."

"If I made you feel second best," he harmonized. "Girl, I'm sorry I was blind."

"You were always on my mind," they sang together. "You were always on my mind."

It's that fourth message, the one that comes on Friday, that breaks her resolve. She was feeling stronger, more sure of her path, until she opened it and found an unexpected voice greeting her. It wasn't fair. Noah knew she had a weakness for Jewish mothers. It was just a thing girls like her had. He'd known that and had used it against her strategically because he was brilliant like that. Just like he was using music to appeal to her heart every day, he was using the people in their lives to remind her of everything she was leaving behind.

Rebecca was holding the last sonogram she'd had in her hand when she looked up at the screen. "Noah thought that maybe you would listen to a mom. I told him it probably wasn't fair but decided that I didn't care. Anything that gets you to come home, Rachel, is pretty much worth it," Rebecca confided. "I get why you left. That's something that Noah can't understand, at least not yet. He's starting to get there, though. You see, you and I both know what it feels like to lose the person we love more than anything when have a child growing inside of us. Your husband died, and mine walked out on me when I was eight months pregnant with Sarah. The causes are different but the outcomes are essentially the same. You feel alone."

"But, sweetheart, you weren't alone and neither was I. We are both lucky that we had Noah there for us. He loves you and this baby so much, Rachel, and you're breaking his heart," Rebecca told her. "How's that for Jewish guilt, huh? But my son is starting to understand this because of you. You've taken away this baby and you in one shot, and now he's lost you like you lost Finn. He doesn't know what I'm saying and would probably kill me if he knew I'd said it. Just think about it, Rachel, think about coming home. He misses you."

"Turn up the corners of your lips, part them and feel my finger tips," Puck sang as a piano harmony accompanied him. "Trace the moment, fall forever. Defense is paper thin. Just one touch and I'd be in too deep now to ever swim against the current so let me slip away."

After the last word had faded away, she picked up her new cell phone and bravely traced through her sparse phonebook for his number. Only her fathers and Kurt knew the new number. The other had been disconnected the day before that first message had come through her email. She had told herself that if he couldn't leave her a voicemail, she'd be brave enough to get through this because she'd never hear his voice. She hadn't counted on these messages or the way her heart broke when he greeted her with a simple "Hello" over the line.

"Noah."

"Rach, baby? Where are you? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Your dads won't tell me anything..."

"And they won't, Noah. I told them not to."

"Have you been getting-?"

"I've gotten all of them."

"And you haven't written back?" he asked rhetorically.

Rachel almost said then that she missed him but she couldn't. The words were there in her brain but they wouldn't seem to come out of her mouth. All she could manage was "I can't do this," before hanging up and sending up a silent thanks to God for that whole blocked number feature that was available on her phone.

She was back at Dr. Kaiser's office the next afternoon, this time with Kurt posted outside the office to make sure she didn't leave abruptly. Her fathers had spoken with the doctor at length via telephone that morning and agreed that her diagnosis was most certainly right. It matched both the symptoms and a family history with one of her fathers' family (though she wasn't sure which since she didn't know which was her biological father still).

"I think that you might be better suited to deal with this back in Ohio, Rachel," the doctor recommended. "You're just isolating yourself here. I know you feel like a burden, but there are a lot of people there who love you."

"I have to protect him."

"Who, Rachel? Noah or the baby?"

"I don't know," she sighed. "Both, I guess."

"Noah loves you, he doesn't need you to protect him," Dr. Kaiser told her. "And this baby doesn't need to be protected from Noah. I've talked to your fathers and Kurt about him. He's waiting for you whenever you're ready, Rachel. Don't let your grief push him away."  
He's waiting for her on her computer when she gets home. "This one just reminded me of you, babe," he said, his words earnest and pure. "I miss you."

"And why didn't I hold you tighter than tighter? When I could do no wrong, it's getting harder and harder," he sang, this time picking the melody on a ukulele. "Why didn't I hold you tighter than tighter? How could I be so wrong? You can't hold onto what is already gone. Come back, baby."

Sunday brought another phone call from her fathers, this time with both of them on the line. "Noah called again, Star," her dad said. "He said that you called him on Friday and he asked where you are. We can't keep lying to him."

"You can't tell him where I am, you promised!"

"You sound like a child, Rachel," Daddy admonished her. "You need to deal with this."

"But I can't..."

"You can, darling girl," Dad replied. "You're just choosing not to right now, and Dr. Kaiser said that's not a good idea. The support group, the doctor's appointments, they're all ways to help you cope. You might have moved yourself along a little faster than you should have, Rachel, but your heart knew what you were doing. Why doubt it now? It's always taken you down the right path before."

She knew that she had said something similar and believed as much not too long ago. Why was it impossible to see it now? That darkness, the depression, it kept away all the light. It was only when she was with Noah that she had been able to see it, and when she had that episode that night of their first date, she had lost sight of it. She knew now that had been an anxiety attack. It was like reliving those terrible nightmares of Finn's death while she was awake. There were all these tools and tips for dealing with them, but Rachel didn't want to. It was too exhausting to be that proactive.

In fact, her way of dealing with any of it that day was a long nap. She had just woken up from a three-hour nap when her phone dinged the arrival of another message from Noah. She almost deleted it without opening it. It'd be easier that way. But Dr. Kaiser, Kurt, her fathers - they were all telling her that she had to quit taking the easy way out.

This video had Blaine in it, and Rachel knew that she would have to show it to Kurt later. Her friend was missing his boyfriend as much as she missed Noah. She felt bad for asking him to keep this from Blaine but it had felt like the only way at the time. Now, she was starting to see the massive mistake she had made a week ago when she had come to New York. None of it made sense, but she was starting to see her only way out. She would have to go home.

"Things will come together like it should be, and you will notice me someday. When all I can see is the you and me, I'm waiting for you to look my way," Noah sang as he sat next to Blaine at the piano. Their friend played the song while Noah looked down at the keys, and Rachel knew he couldn't look up at the camera because he was crying. "Things will come together like it should be and you will notice me someday. When all I can see is the you and me, I'm waiting for you to look my way."

He finally looked up, tears shining in his eyes, and said, "I miss you" just as the screen went black.

Rachel must have played that video fifty times before she fell asleep and another dozen or so when she woke up. She finally managed to crawl out of bed. She found Kurt at the small kitchen table nursing a cup of coffee.

"Good morning, Kurt."

He looked at her with an apology in his eyes. She knew instantly. "I told him, Rach."

Rachel slammed her door as she fled back to the bedroom. Another video was already waiting for her there. There was no explanation or accompanist this time. He had only written those fateful words that had become his mantra by now, "I miss you," on a single piece of paper, the end punctuated with a stupid gold sticker.

"Brighten the stars. The weather is lifting, the heavens love a love like this. It's pulling you higher twist it and turn this around," Noah sang, his face unseen. It lights from within, it dribbles your chin. Now brings a smile, I'm lost again, I'm lost again. I'm what you found, I'm upside down. You're in the air, you're in the air and I am breathing you."

She ended up crying herself to sleep that night and slipped out of the house early before Kurt was up the next morning. She walked around Central Park until it was time for her appointment, stopping only to pick up a scone and an herbal tea from a place near Kaiser's office. The session was normal, and Rachel tried not to shut out the advice the professional was giving her. She had to trust someone, Dr. Kaiser pointed out, and a virtual stranger seemed like a surprisingly safe place to start. She knew what her next step needed to be, but fate seemed to take that step for her when she came back home and found him waiting for her on the stoop with that damn guitar in his hand.

"When I see you it's a beautiful world, but when you're gone, I want you in my arms. I'm telling you the last time," Noah sang, his eyes locked with hers. Tears were falling on both sides. "Baby you, you got what I need. Baby you, you got my sunshine."

When Noah stopped singing and put the guitar down, it was finally Rachel's turn to say..

"I missed you."

* * *

_Song Credits: "Always See Your Face" by Love; "Photo" by Ryan Cabrera; "Always On My Mind" by Willie Nelson; "Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional; "Tighter" by Fitz and the Tantrums; "If I'm Not Right" by Tyler Hilton; "You're in the Air" by REM; and "You Got What I Need" by Joshua Radin_


	17. Chapter 17

Puck used to have to go to this doctor after his dad left. He was an older guy, kind of creepy, that his mom just called Dr. Dan. Every Tuesday for two months, just after he finished football practice, they would head down to the JCC and Puck would pretend to listen to the guy talk at him for a couple hours until his mom returned to collect him. He never spoke a single word in those sessions, just stared at the crooked way the guy's toupee sat on his head and counted the minutes until his mom would take him to the ice cream place down the street. That was the only thing he really ever got out of seeing a psychiatrist. It just wasn't his thing.

However, Dr. Kaiser wasn't anything like that at all. Yeah, so the décor was still lacking but the lady seemed to know what she was talking about. Even more importantly, Rachel seemed to feel safe in the doctor's office, which was something Puck saw as seriously lacking in the three days he had been in New York. The only other time she didn't seem as skittish was when she was talking to her fathers, but she still wouldn't even consider going back to Ohio to stay with them. He had spent three uncomfortable nights on the floor next to Rachel's bed waiting for an answer. At this point, he knew that pretty much everything needed to happen on her terms.

"So, Noah, Rachel has talked quite bit about you."

"Hopefully good," he smiled wryly. "Look, Doc, let's not kid ourselves here. I'm not exactly diggin' being here, and you don't know what to make of me. Rach says that you know I love her and the kid. That's the important part here. The rest of it, I don't much care about. I just wanna know what I need to do to fix t his for her."

Dr. Kaiser tapped her pencil against her desk evenly. "I'm afraid there isn't a quick fix to this. It's not like cooking where you add a little bit of A and a little bit of B and hope that it comes out right. Rachel has endured enough trauma where she has slipped into a manic depressive state. Her pregnancy has only served to elevate her natural hormonal tendencies. The best thing we can give her is time and support. You and Kurt have been doing that, but I'm worried that won't be enough. My hope is that she will return to Ohio where she can be near her family and friends."

"Finn's family is there. Well, his mom and stepdad. Sometimes I'm not sure if that helps or hurt Rachel," he admitted. "But my ma is there and she's real good about keeping Carole in check. I know Finn's mom – that's Carole – still isn't totally crazy about me raising Finn's baby. Can't same I blame her, you know? I did something pretty bad to her son back in the day, but he was still my best friend."

"It has to be hard to see someone else raising her grandchild when her son can't be there," Dr. Kaiser agreed. "But it's good that your mother is her friend. Rachel said that they are very close and that your mother – it's Rebecca, I believe – has been a wonderful maternal figure to her throughout her pregnancy."

"Oh, Ma's crazy about Berry. All the mothers down at the JCC are though. She's the Jew dream come true. Always had everything together, responsible, talented and beautiful. Rach has that whole package thing going on. Through all this, she's had such grace. Doc, I know she's sad, but I swear you couldn't have told it by looking at her. She's really kept it together these past couple months."

"Well, Noah, that's part of the problem. All of these wonderful traits you've used to describe Rachel mean that she may not have really dealt with her feelings and issues. She wanted everyone to believe that she had it together and that she was strong. She may have felt like anything else would only let people down," Dr. Kaiser explained. "Combine that with the survivor's guilt Rachel feels and her conflicted feelings about you and it's a lot for one girl to handle. Rachel is still young."

"So what can I do?"

"Exactly what you have been doing, Noah," the doctor told him. "Keep supporting her, listen and hold her when she needs it. Rachel wants you to be part of all this. She's just afraid that it's a betrayal. That's part of that guilt. This small part of her doesn't believe she deserves to be happy without Finn. I know that you're thinking that's crazy but grief isn't rational. Rather than acting like Finn doesn't exist, find ways to incorporate him in the process."

Puck thought quickly. That one seemed simple enough. "I can work that angle. What else?"

"The thing I am going to recommend to her today is that she return to Ohio. Being in New York won't help her deal with it. I will help her find a specialist there in Lima and will always be available by phone. I see a lot of pain in Rachel but she's far from lost. Just don't give up on her. Let her know you're here for the duration. Eventually that will seep into her brain far enough that it'll beat out the fear."

After he had waited a half hour in the lobby while Rachel visited the doctor, he was happy to greet her with a wide smile and open arms. "I hear Dr. K agrees with you about going back to Ohio," she said as she buried her face in his shoulder. "I hear you both, Noah. I'm just not ready yet. I have to know that I can do this alone."

Rather than reassuring her that she would never have to go it alone or that she was already strong enough, Puck only hugged her a little tighter and dropped an easy kiss to the top of her head. "What do you think about a Broadway show tonight? Kurt got us a couple half-price tickets for _Memphis. _I thought you could show me around this city you love so much and then have a decent dinner. A little night out, if you will."

"Noah, I'm not ready for a..."

"It's not a date," he replied, stopping her short. "It's just two people hanging out, Berry. You can be the tour guide that will show this little tourist around the Big Apple."

"I'm not exactly a New Yorker, Noah."

"You know this city almost as well as you know Lima, Rach," he reminded her. "C'mon, it will be fun. I'm voluntarily going to sit through a show for your cute little ass. The least you could do is show me around a little."

So, that night, Rachel and Puck had an actual date that neither of them called that. Rachel took him around the city, taking him a few of the places they went when they came there at the end of junior year and a whole slew of new places she had grown to love throughout her many visits to the city with her fathers. They went to the pond at Central Park and Magnolia Bakery for a cupcake. She took him to this little-known firefighters museum that her Daddy always liked and down a row of old clubs where some of the best rock musicians had performed in the 60s and 70s. After her feet were exhausted from all the walking, he stuck her in the back of the cab until they found her favorite Italian place in Soho. After that, they came back to Broadway and enjoyed the bluesy stylings of _Memphis_. They were both exhausted when she fell onto her bed back at Kurt's apartment.

"My feet ache," she complained as she arched her toes atop the comforter. "I love it."

"You love tired feet?" he teased. "That makes zero sense."

"I only feel like this when I'm in New York," she grinned. "Promise me we'll come back here a lot. I want him to know this city as well as I do. I want him to understand why I love it so much. He can't miss out on knowing it."

He smiles a little when he hears her make mention of the two of them bringing the baby here but knows better than to point it out. "We can live here if you want, Rach, whatever you want. If this is where your career takes you, we'll make it work."

"I do miss singing. You and him are the only two that have heard me in months other than a few student. It's not the same, though, you know? I miss performing. I haven't felt the heat of a stage light in so long."

"There will be a stage wherever we go," he promised. "And you did do a little karaoke not too long ago, remember? You brought down the house, Berry. Talent like that won't just go away."

She smiled dreamily as she thought about that night that seemed so long ago now. "Will you sing something to me now?"

Puck cocked his head to the side and nodded with a smile. "But only if you sing first."

Rachel sat up properly, and he knew that faraway look on her race meant only one thing – that she was searching that endless discography in her mind for the perfect song for the perfect moment. "I'll go back to Manhattan as if nothing ever happened. When I cross that bridge, it'll be as if this don't exist. I've got a prince who is waiting and a kingdom downtown, I'll go back to Manhattan as if nothing ever happened," she sang. He has missed this, the intimacy and her voice. "We don't have to speak at all. I won't look in your eyes and I won't have to fall. We don't have to speak at all. But Brooklyn holds you and holds my heart too. What a fool I was to think I could live in both worlds...I should go back to Manhattan. It's just a train ride away. I know nothing 'bought leaving, but I know I should do it today."

"So beautiful," he murmured when she finished and neither of them knew if he meant her or her voice. He supposed both applied because those kinds of beauty were only tiny little parts of why he loved her. The baby fluttered beneath his hands as he rubber her tummy. That was something else he had missed. "That was pretty much perfect."

"It's all in that pitch," she replied with a wink. "Now, sing."

He shook his head with a little chuck. "Yes, Mommy Dearest."

Rachel pushed out her upper lip but he only rolled his eyes as he pressed her back toward the mattress. Once he'd arranged the blankets around her shoulders, he turned off the overhead light and allowed the city lights outside to act as her nightlight. Her breath evened out as he raked his fingers through her hair, allowing his nails to lazily scratch over her scalp in this completely soothing way.

"You're hurt inside 'cause there's a hole. You need some time to be alone, then you will find what you've always known. I'm the one who really loves you, baby. I've been knocking at your door," he sang softly, watching her fight with herself behind closed eyelids. "As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting. As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there. Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting. Whenever you need me, I'll be there."

Her eyes were open now, wet with unshed tears and burning into his. "I've seen you cry into the night. I feel your pain, can I make it right?" he asked in song. "I realize there's no end in sight. Yet, still I wait for you to see the light."

Her hands found his as he repeated the chorus until their fingers were locked in an intricate web. It's this moment that he feels the shift back that he has been waiting for. His Rachel is a little bit closer to being back, the one that was there in Kentucky. It's not perfect but it's a start. That's all he is asking for, praying for, needing, right now.

"You are the only one I've ever known that makes me feel this way, girl, you are my own. I want to be with you until we're old. You've got the love you need right in front of you. Please come home."

She turned then, propping her head up on her free fist and smiled. "Friday, okay? On Friday, let's go home."

* * *

_Song Credits: "Back to Manhattan" by Norah Jones and "I'll Be Waiting" by Lenny Kravitz. This chapter is dedicated to auhaes23, who picked the Lenny song some time ago after winning my review contest. Thanks for all the support._


	18. Chapter 18

Two weeks after Puck came to New York, he flew back to Lima with Rachel and Kurt in tow. They had decided before they'd even left JFK that she would go back to stay with her fathers while he would head home to his mom's house for the time being. A return to Kentucky, if only brief, was eventual, but for now, she needed the support that Ohio could afford. Dr. Kaiser had referred her to a top-rate psychiatrist in town and was programmed onto both Rachel and Puck's speed dial in case the doctor was needed.

They also needed the separation if they were going to continue to build their relationship. This had been a particular sticking point for Rachel. She still wanted to maintain her independence even after admitting that she wanted Puck in her life. Part of her needed to know that she could do this on her own in case everything fell apart. She had counted on someone to always be there once upon a time, and she never wanted to get back to a place where her entire life revolved around a man. As much as she had loved Finn, that had been a mistake. No, this time would be different and she would be a team, an equal, to Noah. This was the first step in making sure that came to fruition.

Even though they were living apart, the two of them were together so much that it didn't really make much of a difference. He was always showing up before Rachel got up to make her breakfast, and she was a constant fixture at the Puckerman household come dinnertime. In between meals, they hung around town and worked on making a guest nursery at her father's house and enjoyed the first snowfalls of the New Year. Moving into her seventh month marked the beginning of the final trimester and she was still in full nesting mode. Puck did his best to meet her demands but stood his ground a little more than he had before. If she was going to be independent, he was going to reminder that she didn't always get her way. It was a natural give and take with them.

Part of that give and take happened on a seasonably warm Friday night just before Kurt was set to return to New York. Everyone else was still in town from the holidays on that last long weekend before reality set in and school started back up. Rachel had invited all the girls and Kurt over for a sleepover at her house while the guys were getting together over at Artie's house to hangout. Noah had promised her that he wouldn't call her to check in but made her vow to call if anything happened in return. With a gentle kiss to the top of her head and a little rub to her stomach, he had left her house just after lunch and wasn't set to return until late the next day.

Now, she was in the middle of all the girls hanging out in her bedroom. Santana was braiding Brittany's hair on the floor while the two of them chattered happily with a splayed out Mercedes. Tina was painting her nails a dark plum on the foot of the bed while Kurt watched on, giving her tips for how to make some intricate design technique he had seen in the latest issue of _InStyle_. Quinn had a stack of fashion magazines spread out on the bed next to her, trading off and on with Rachel while they talked about which dresses they thought would be cute come summer when Rachel was hopefully back to her own body. It was everything eighteen and nineteen-year-old girls should be doing on a Friday night in a small town.

"I am thinking that a Channing Tatum marathon might be in order," Kurt announced as he handed a bottle of top coat to Tina. "Or maybe Ryan Gosling, he's pretty yummy."

"Amen to that," Quinn giggled, reaching her hand out to slap palms with Kurt. "There's this RA on the floor below mine that looks a little like Channing Tatum. He's so hot and ridiculously smart."

"While I do admit that Channing Tatum has a certain physical appeal, his acting ability leaves something to be desired," Rachel declared primly. He really was a horrible actor. "I much prefer Ryan Gosling for that reason. His talent is equal to, if not superior to, his appearance."

Mercedes clucked her tongue and looked up at her friend. "Who cares if he can act? Boy is fine."

"Yeah, chica," Santana agreed. "Even I think he's fuckin' hot, and I like chicks."

"You sound just like Noah," Rachel rolled her eyes. "And don't curse."

Rachel ignored Santana's mutters in Spanish under her breath before Kurt announced that it was time for ice cream sundaes. One by one, the girls filed out of Rachel's bedroom after her and headed down to her kitchen. Eventually it was only Brittany and Rachel in the room. The baby had obeyed her distaste for dairy and had recently decided that he didn't even like the non-dairy version of ice cream. She sometimes missed it but was willing to give it up if it meant keeping the nausea at bay later.

"Britt, you're not going to eat any?"

"I decided that if Fickleberry baby doesn't like ice cream, I don't eat it either in solitary," Brittany said very seriously. "That's what I decided to call him now, by the way. It just sounds better, and he does seem kind of fickle, doesn't he? He never knows what he likes. Anyways, since he doesn't like ice cream or bananas now, neither do I. Santana says that's crazy but she just doesn't get it."

Rachel smiled at the blonde affectionately. She really was the biggest Puckleberry fan there was and had meant so much to Rachel these past few months. Even if Santana was technically her best friend, there was something special about her friendship with Brittany that had led her to make a very important and very surprising decision. Puck had told her it was a "fuckin' awesome" idea when she had brought it up the day before.

"Hey, I have a favor to ask."

"What's that?" Brittany asked as she looked up from painting her toenails hot pint. Her eyes were innocently wise, and Rachel couldn't help but grin. "You know that I will do anything for my friends, Rach!"

"Well, Noah and I were talking yesterday, and we were hoping that you would say that. You know how there are godparents in Catholicism?" Rachel asked. Brittany looked a little confused for a moment before eventually nodding her head. "Well, we're both Jewish, but we were hoping that you would do something like that for my little boy."

Brittany smiled brightly then, nodding eagerly as she threw her arms around Rachel. She just missed knocking over the polish in her excitement to get up, but Rachel knew she wouldn't have cared at all. "Sure, I can totally do that. I will be awesome at it! I can buy presents! That's what my godmother does. She's a fairy though, did you know that?"

"Well, you can be kind of like a fairy godmother, I suppose," Rachel agreed, deciding that however Brittany looked at it was just fine with her. It wouldn't change the intent. "It's actually called being a kvaterin in Judaism. You will have to carry him into the room at his Brisk. That's the circumcision."

"Carry him? I can totally do that," Brittany said proudly. "Thank you for believing in me, Rachel."

"Well, thank you for believing in Fickleberry baby and Puckleberry and everything else you believe in, Britt," Rachel said softly as she hugged her friend. "You have made a lot of things a lot easier because of that faith."

"What faith?" Santana asked as she came back into the room, spoon tucked in the corner of her mouth.

"I get to be Fickleberry's fairy godmother!"

Quinn looked at Rachel. "Translation?"

"I asked her to be part of the baby's Brisk and kind of act as a godparent," Rachel said as she smiled at the happy blonde bouncing on her knees on the floor next to Santana. "Noah and I talked it over yesterday and decided that she is the perfect person. No one has a bigger heart."

After the others had busied themselves with their desserts, Quinn looked over at her brunette friend. "Brittany certainly is an interesting choice."

Rachel shrugged one shoulder. "She sees something in me that I can't always see in myself."

"Kind of like Finn did, huh?" Quinn smiled in return. "He saw you before any of us got it. I even think he saw it before you fully understood. He'd be happy that you picked Britt, Rach. They were a lot alike in a lot of ways, and it's not so messed up now that I know it's not going to be Santana or me. We have our own histories with him. Brittany is the right choice."

"Thanks, Quinn," Rachel replied. "How have you been doing? I mean, really."

"Being at school helps. I am still sad that I lost a really good friend but I have the memories to remind me of all the wonderful times we all had together. And they're not over, not by a long shot," Quinn promised her. "Look, Kurt told me what's been going on. Rach, I just want to remind you that you have all of us in your corner. Finn wouldn't want you to worry or feel guilty. I think somewhere in that stubborn head of yours you know that."

Rachel looked down at her hands and nodded slightly. "I just wish it was that easy."

"I know," Quinn agreed. "Do you have plans tomorrow morning? I want to take you somewhere."

"I have a video conference call with my group back in Kentucky but nothing after that."

"Perfect, then we have a date."

While Rachel and Quinn cemented their plans, Puck was in the middle of a rousing game of Call of Duty with the guys over at Artie's house. They yelled and cursed at each other in the midst of the gunfire and loud music, empty bottles of soda and bags of chips littering the basement floor around them. When the doorbell rang, Blaine put the game on pause and bounded upstairs to pay for the pizza they had ordered. Mike took the time to look at his old friend.

"So you and Rach are doing better?"

Puck muttered non-committaly before looking between the curious looks in Artie and Mike's eyes. "Yeah, yeah, we're doing great actually," he said finally. "Rach is really strong and shit. She's getting past stuff a lot faster than we thought she would. You know her, so determined. I'm just trying to get everything done and work some hours down at Burt's. Gotta save up for the kid, right? Anyways, everything is going just perfect."

"And how are her hormones?" Artie said with a raised eyebrow. "I read somewhere that girls like totally want it all the time when they get toward the end of their pregnancy."

"She's definitely satisfied," Puck bragged, not bothering to clarify that he meant that she hadn't asked and he hadn't given her anything. It was all guy talk anyhow, it didn't mean anything. "What about Other Asian, Chang? She given you some going away sex yet?"

"Dude, c'mon," Mike replied, punching his friend on the shoulder. "That's my girlfriend."

"What, she's cute?" Puck grinned. "I'd totally take a ride on the Orient Express if she was down."

"Puck, that is both crude and racist," Artie reminded him. "Rachel would be disgusted."

"She'd be disgusted with what?" Blaine said as he came back down with two boxes from Gino's.

"Puckerman was talking about sleeping with my girlfriend," Mike frowned sourly. "Even saying it sounds so wrong."

"Well, he's had just about everyone else," Sam reminded him. "It's not entirely impossible."

"Dude..." Mike trailed off.

Puck laughed. "C'mon, man, you know I wouldn't go there. Tina's a good chick, but she's your girl. I wouldn't do that to you or to her or to Rachel. You two are good together. I'm glad the long distance thing is working out."

The five of them hung out for awhile before Artie decided that he needed to go to the bathroom upstairs and Blaine and Sam followed after him in the elevator to retrieve more snacks from the kitchen. That left Blaine alone with Puck.

"How is everything really?"

Puck looked up at Blaine with a sad smile. "Really fuckin' hard," he admitted, "but we're working on it. Rach still has these moments, you know? I think she'll always have them. Sometimes she looks at me and I think she can't help but wish that I was Finn. It might be in my head but it's real. I just swallow that shit down though because that's the kind of stuff that messed with her head in the first place."

"And she's still getting help?"

"Yeah, has a call in the morning in fact," he answered. "But having friends and her dads around has really helped. She's spent a little time with Carole and Burt, and my mom has been awesome."

"Having people around is a good thing."

"Speaking of which," Puck replied. "Berry and I wanted to know if you wanted to be this kid's like Jewish godfather or whatever. She's askin' Brit to be the godmother tonight. You just have to look out for him and shit. Oh, and you hold him at the circumcision. You'd be the sandek. It's easy, dude, you just gotta basically show up."

Blaine knows that he is being casual about this but it's really a big deal to Puck. "I'd be honored."

"Yeah?"

"Of course, man," Blaine replied happily, reaching out to bump his fist to Puck's before pulling him into a manly half-hug. "Thank you."

"No, thank you," Puck replied seriously. "Dude, it really means a lot."

The guys come back downstairs and they fall into another video game until Puck's phone rings in the middle of the third quarter on Madden. He hands off the controller to Sam as he answers it after seeing Santana's name flashing on the screen. The Latina tiredly tells him that Rachel can't sleep before handing the phone over to Rachel. He asks if anything is wrong and she promises him that she is fine. She requests a lullaby, so Puck slips outside so that he can sing her to sleep with out prying ears to hear him and make fun of him later.

"I wanna go where the summer never ends, with my guitar on the beach there with all my friends. The sun's so hot and the waves in motion, and everything smells like sun tan lotion," Puck sang. "The ocean, and the girls so sweet. So kick off your shoes and relax your feet. They say that miracles are never seizing and every single soul needs a little releasing The stereo bumpin' 'til the sun goes down, and I only wanna hear that sound."

"And that's the sound of sunshine coming down. Oh, that's the sound of sunshine coming down," he sang as she hummed along. "I said you're the one I wanna be with when the sun goes down. You're the one I wanna be with when the sun goes down. Singin' you're the one I wanna be with when the sun goes down. That's the sound of sunshine coming down."

* * *

_Song Credit: The Sound of Sunshine – Michael Franti & Spearhead_

_Author's Note: Sorry that I have been delayed in writing. I was gone traveling again for work, but I already have the next chapter mapped out in my head so I should have it up this week. Thank you all for the reviews on the last chapter. Even if I didn't get a chance to respond to you, I read it and appreciated it greatly.  
_


	19. Chapter 19

Rachel woke up before the rest of her friends, just a little after the sun had risen over Lima. She smiled at everyone sprawled around her room before creeping downstairs to the kitchen where her laptop was waiting. It only took a few minutes before her screen was filled with the familiar faces of the women from her support group back in Kentucky. She hadn't realized how much she had missed that consistency until it was right there smiling in front of her.

"Hey, guys, sorry it's been awhile," she said after they had opened up the meeting. "I'm sure you've been filled in on where I was and why I was gone. I won't say that it's over yet, but it is getting better. Noah has been wonderful through all of this. He's never once given up on me, even when I wanted to give up on myself. I keep wondering why and have to believe that he sees something there. What makes me so special? And the baby, this little boy, he's perfect.

"And when it does get hard?" Ali asked, carefully tucking a strand of air behind her ear on the far left side of Rachel's screen. "How do you cope then?"

"I remember that it's all worth it. Those two guys, this baby and Noah, are why I want to stay relevant to this world. I keep thinking how easy it would be to get lost. I still miss Finn every day. There are times when the baby moves and I want him to be there to feel it. He should be, he's the baby's father. I never imagined doing this without him. But life had a different plan for me and I have to accept that. It's really to say it, you know, and now I am working on feeling it."

Jasmine raised her hand a little as Annie called on her. "I remember that weird time of emotional purgatory," she recollected. "You're right there on the cusp and you know it's time to move forward. Your head is so ready, so sure. Your heart is a whole different thing though. Having something to focus on like your child helps with that. You're just so lucky you don't have to go it alone."

Rachel nodded slightly. "I am," she affirmed. "But part of me also needs to know that I can do it on my own. Noah is amazing. Honestly, I can't even imagine him not being here for all of this. However, I also never thought that Finn wouldn't get to be part of it either. That cautiously optimistic part of me knows that I have to be prepared just in case. It's not always a good idea living in that frame of mind, I understand, but it's how I know to cope for right now."

"And that's perfectly normal, Rachel," Annie replied. "Everyone's journey is a little bit different, and that needs to be taken into consideration. For some people, they deal by not dealing. Others are totally proactive. Everyone has their own way."

Thirty minutes later, Rachel signed off with a cheerful goodbye and promise to visit as soon as they got back to Kentucky. They'd be heading back there the next weekend after Shelby brought Beth to visit in Lima. Their plans had changed after Rachel's great escape to New York, and she knew that Puck couldn't wait to see his little girl. She was actually looking forward to seeing her mother.

"What ya doin' down here all alone, Mama Bear?" Quinn asked as she came into the kitchen. She was already dressed in jeans and a warm yellow sweater.

"Support group," Rachel said, pointing to her now-closed laptop.

"Do you want to grab a quick shower or something? There's somewhere we're supposed to be."

"What about everyone else?" she asked.

"San's got it," Quinn answered. "Don't ask anymore questions. I just need you to get ready."

Rachel did as she was told, quickly showering and dressing in a warm purple maternity dress, tights and flat leather boots. Quinn was waiting downstairs with her coat and scarf when Rachel finished, and before long, the two of them were tucked in her mother's navy SUV and headed toward McKinley. Rachel tried to ask questions, but Quinn wasn't budging. It was only when she turned off her engine in the parking lot that the blonde turned toward her.

"I know that you are working on everything, Rachel, and I think it's really great. Honestly, it's wonderful. But I think the one thing that they can't help you with but I can is that I get it. I know how much you meant to Finn and what he meant to it probably better than anyone," she said with an honest smile. "I was stuck right there in the middle of it, helplessly watching on as he fell in love with you. Out of that love came this incredible little blessing. Finn would've been thrilled, Rach. We both know how much he wanted to be a dad."

"And all the doctors and all the support groups and all the friends and family in the world can tell you that they understand but they don't because it wasn't them that this happened to. I can only slightly understand it but not even fully because you were his wife," she admitted. "All those people care about you but only some of them cared about Finn. They don't get it, not like we do. Not like you do."

"Listen, sweetie, I'm not sure of a lot, but I know this – you deserve to be happy. Guilt and responsibility aside, that's what it comes down to. I know you are happy with Puck, Rach. That gets to be okay," Quinn reminded her with a gentle hand to her friend's shoulder. "The only thing left to do is say goodbye. I mean _really_ say goodbye. Not thing big grand thing at the funeral or a conversation before you're ready at his grave. You need to say goodbye the way you do everything, through singing it. That's why I brought you here."

Tears prickled Rachel's dark eyes as she looked back at the school. She watched as Quinn came around to help her out, the two of them looping their arms as they made their way to the high school. Mr. Schuester was waiting for them at the front door, keys in hand. Rachel looked up at him, allowing a lone tear to drift down her round cheek. "Hey, none of those," he whispered, lifting her chin slightly as he shook his head. "Let's get in there. The stage awaits."

Rachel followed the two of them down the hallway to the auditorium. It still looked, smelled, felt the same. Quinn and Mr. Schuester left her as they hung at the back of the room. Only a single spotlight shone on the middle of the stage. She made her way up the steps and stood on the middle of the wooden floor, looking out at the darkened room. She couldn't see her friend or former teacher lurking in the shadows. No, it felt like it was just her and the microphone, her voice and the stage, a spotlight and the memories.

"I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night, I miss the way we sleep. Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile, I miss the way we breathe," Rachel sang out, looking to the front row where Finn had always watched her sing. "But I never told you what I should have said. No, I never told you, I just held it in."

She started to pace around the stage, holding the microphone cord in one hand and the body of it in the other. "And now I miss everything about you. I can't believe it, I still want you. And after all the things we've been through, I miss everything about you, without you."

Rachel squeezed her eyes closed like she always did when she was really feeling a song. "I see your blue eyes every time I close mine, you make it hard to see. Where I belong to, when I'm not around you. It's like I'm not with me. But I never told you what I should have said. No, I never told you, I just held it in." The tears started to fall as soon as she opened her lids, barely making it past her lashes before falling in heavy droplets to the stage floor below her feet. "And now I miss everything about you. Still, you're gone. I can't believe it, I still want you. And I'm lovin' you, I never should've walked away. After all the things we've been through. I know it's never gonna come again.

She moved back to the middle of the stage and slipped the microphone into the base. "I miss everything about you," she sang sadly, her voice barely a whisper as she focused on that seat in the front row again. "Without you."

It only took a moment before the applause came. Quinn and Mr. Schue came out of the shadows, huge smiles illuminating their faces. "You still have it, Rachel," Mr. Schuester called as they walked down the aisle. "Your voice – I'll never have another like you."

"It's because there can be no other," Quinn grinned. "How'd it feel, Rach?"

"Like closure."

"Yeah?" Quinn asked rhetorically.

Rachel nodded. "I told him now, I told him again. I know he knows. It's time. It's done."

"Anything else you've figured out?" Quinn asked.

"That everything you said is right. I deserve to be happy and I am happy," she finally acknowledged. All these feelings she had been feeling for Noah that she had allowed herself to recognize in ebbs and flows were bubbling over. They were undeniable now, and he deserved better than what she was giving. He deserved all of her. "I love him."

"You probably always will, Rachel," Mr. Schue replied.

"No, no, not Finn," she shook her head. "Noah, I love him. I need to tell him. He needs to know."

"Want me to take you?" Quinn offered.

Rachel glanced at the clock hanging on the far wall. It was still early, but some things just can't wait. "If you don't mind," she said. "Thank you for everything, Mr. Schue. This really helped."

"Any time, Rachel," he proclaimed before drawing her into a hug.

Rachel told Quinn not to wait when she dropped her off at Artie's. She knocked on the door and smiled politely when Mr. Abrams answered and told her that Noah would be right up. She was huddled on the small couch in the formal living room just off the front entry when he came in. "Babe, you okay?" he asked worriedly, struggling to pull his shirt over his head while walking around the magazine rack at the foot of the couch.

"I'm fine, the baby's fine," she said before he could ask. "I just needed to talk to you and it couldn't wait."

"O-kay," he drawled out as he sat down beside her. "What's up?"

"I think I'm ready."

"For?"

"Puck, I love you."

There was dead silence and then, "Whoa." And then he grinned. "You do? Really?" She smiled in return and nodded. "Rach, baby, that's amazing." He was chuckling by then. "I love you, too."

"Wait, wait, I'm not done," she said with a happy smile. "I love you, Noah, a lot. But I'm not ready to be in love with you."

He reached out and ran his fingers through her hair. "Berry, I don't care how you love me, just that you do," he assured her. "The rest of it, the deep shit, we'll get there. We have all the time in the world. I've told you that I'll keep saying it. We're gonna be amazing."

And then he kissed her, right there in the Abrams' living room, and she let him. After he pulled away, he let his hands slide down to her tummy and rubbed a little. The baby reacted, kicking happily. "We gotta get this guy a name."

"Soon," she replied. "For now, we sing."

Noah laughed but still gave her what she wanted. "You make me happy whether you know it or not. We should be happy, that's what I said from the start," he sang as he looked in her eyes. "I am so happy knowing you are the one that I want for the rest of my days, for the rest of my days, through all of my days."

"You're looking so cool, you're looking so fly. I can't deny that when I'm staring you down right dead in the eye I wanna try to be the person you want, the person you need," she sang back. "It's hard to conceive that somebody like you could be with someone like me."

"I'm happy knowing that you are mine. The grass is greener on the other side," they sang together. "The more I think, the more I wish, that we could lay here for hours and just reminisce."

"You're looking so fresh, it's catching my eye. Why oh, why did I not see this before - the girl I adore was right in front of me," Noah sang.

"And now I'll take a step back and look in your eye," she harmonized. "And ask why it took so long to see we're meant to be."

* * *

_Song Credits: "I Never Told You" - Colbie Callait and "Happy" by Never Shout Never_


	20. Chapter 20

"You know a lot of girls be thinkin' my songs are about them. This is not to get confused, this one's for you," Noah said, his voice barely above a whisper.

He sat on an old battered stool with his back to her, his face barely illuminated by the morning sun just starting to peak through the window. From her place beneath the covers on his bed, Rachel can see that his feet are bare, his toes wrapped casually around the leg of his seat. He's dressed in an old pair of jeans that have seen better days and a charcoal gray shirt that he's worn so many times that it's inexplicably soft from being washed so many times. His guitar rests on his thigh, pick in hand. This is the Noah the world never gets to see, that vulnerable part he reserves only for her.

"Baby, you my everything, you all I ever wanted. We can do it real big, bigger than you ever done it." She loves how he's taken this hip hop beat and slowed it down even more with a simple strum of his guitar and his soft voice. She can tell that he's been working on it for awhile but that he's not fully ready for to hear it. "Other girls ain't never on it. I want this forever. I swear I can spend whatever on it."

He speeds up the beat a little, his fingers working nimbly over the steel strings as his toes tap in time. The stool is one of his favorite things in the world. It came from the kitchen at his nana's house and has had layers upon layers of paint over the years. "You're the best I ever had, the best I ever had. You're only the best I ever had. You don't want me back. You're just the best I ever had."

She can see where he's going with this now. "So you sailed away into a gray sky morning. Now I'm here to stay love can be so boring. Nothing's quite the same now. I just say your name now," he sang. "But it's not so bad. You're only the best I ever had."

"Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin' with no make-up on. That's when you're the prettiest, I hope that you don't take it wrong," he harmonized, his shoulders moving as he rocked his body slightly. You don't even trip when friends say you ain't bringin' Puck along. You know that I'm working, I'll be there soon as I make it home."

"But it's not so bad, you're only the best I ever had. Oh, you're the best I ever had, the best I ever had. Baby, you the best. Baby you the best. You don't want me back. You're just the best I ever had."

Applause greeted him as he dropped his strumming hand and let the guitar fall flat against his leg. He turned slowly and smiled at Rachel over his shoulder. They had spent the whole night talking until she had finally fallen asleep in his arms somewhere around. There had been stolen kisses in between but nothing too intense. It was just light and happy, something they both needed after all the intense drama that had plagued them this past month. It was finally starting to feel like he had his old Rachel back.

"Beth is coming today."

Rachel nodded happily. She knew that Puck had been looking forward to this for awhile. She felt bad that the visit had been delayed because of her issues and great escape to New York. However, neither Shelby or Noah seemed to hold it against her. "What time are they coming?"

"They're going to be here a little before eleven. It's ten now," he told her as he glanced at the alarm clock over her shoulder. They had moved the meeting to his house so that his mother could see Beth. It had been awhile, and both Rebecca and Sarah were looking forward to seeing the little girl. "I'm gonna grab a quick shower so you can have the bathroom. I told Ma I'd help clean up downstairs. She's making this whole big lunch."

Noah leaned over and kissed Rachel quickly before grabbing his clothes and heading toward the shower. Rachel slowly climbed out of bed to get a start on her day. She managed to find a pair of sweat pants that wouldn't be too horrible on her pregnant body and snagged one of Noah's many hoodies from his closet. She was scrounging around in his sock drawer for something when he came back in the room, rubbing a towel to his dark hair.

"You nervous?"

She looked up from the drawer full of white gym socks and bit her bottom lip. "Yeah, maybe a little," she told him honestly. "You?"

"Not at all," he said with a shake of the head. "I can't wait to see my girl. She's so different every time I see her. I hate that I am missing all of it, but I guess that's how this is supposed to go."

Rachel crossed the room and rested her arm on his bicep. "I'm not sure there is a specific way this is supposed to go. Besides, you can't help what your heart feels, remember?" she asked rhetorically. "You're the best father you can be to Beth with the circumstances. I'm proud of you, Noah. The guy you were before she was born wouldn't recognize you now. Well, that's not true. This guy was always in there. Puck just wouldn't let him out."

He thinks about this while he cleans up the living room and sets the table for his mother. He thinks about this as he straightens the pictures in the entry way and rearranges the pillows on the couch. He thinks about this as he readjusts the collar of his sweater in the mirror and tries in vain to smooth down the cowlick he'd gained since he started growing out his hair. He thinks about this and knows that Rachel is right. He's happy that she is. This is all he has ever wanted.

And then the doorbell rings and Rachel is coming down the stairs and he pulls open the door and has to fight back the tears when Beth throws out her arms at him. "Beth!" he cries as he takes her from Shelby, chuckling as the little girl buries her face in his shoulder in a fit of giggles. She pulls back and smiles up at him in the most beautiful way he could ever imagine. Her hand traces the scruff of his beard before slipping behind his back in an attempt to hug him. He nearly melts when she plants a sloppy kiss on her cheek and says in her little voice, "I missed you, Puck Daddy!"

"Puck Daddy?" Rebecca asked as she came into the living room. She shook Shelby's hand and offered to take their coats. Noah is too busy fawning over his little girl to offer to take them to the other room for his ma.

"It's just something she calls him sometimes," Shelby said fondly as she moves past them to face Rachel. Her own little girl, the one that she had given up like Noah had Beth, was having a baby of her own. Rachel's hands rest on her stomach comfortably and they exchange a smile that is just a hint warmer than polite. "You look beautiful. You're glowing."

"Thank you," Rachel replied politely as she smoothed an imaginary wrinkle from Noah's shirt. She wished that she had her own clothes, but she hadn't exactly planned on staying at the Puckermans'. Noah had offered to make a run to her house but she hadn't wanted him to leave her. "Did you have a nice drive?"

"Yeah, this one wouldn't stop singing," Shelby answered as she reached out to ruffle Beth's hair affectionately. The little blonde squealed as she grinned up at her mother from Noah's arms. "I guess she has a little of all of us in her, huh?"

"I knew all of the words to _West Side Story_by the time I was four," Rachel nodded.

"Puck was singing Springsteen before he was out of training pants," Rebecca added.

"Ma," Noah complained despite his smile. He took Beth into the living room and settled her on the floor. The two of them easily fell into a little game on the floor with some of the blocks Rebecca had found in the attic. They were the same wooden ones that he and Sarah had fought over when they were kids. "What does Beth like to sing?"

"Anything and everything," Shelby replied. "She's gonna be a star."

"Oh, yeah?" Rachel said as she sat down on the floor beside Beth and Noah.

Beth smiled up at her and nodded despite having no clue what was going on. Rachel couldn't help but return the grin as Beth handed her a pair of blue blocks. The three of them started to build an intricate tower. Shelby and Rebecca were content to hang back in the doorway.

"They're good with her," Shelby acknowledged. "You know, Beth talks about Puck a lot."

"Noah, too," Rebecca smiled. "Especially since everything with Rachel. He's so focused on being a good father to this little boy that I think he questions his decisions when it comes to Beth. That's why I think it's good that you're letting him be part of Beth's life. He loves her so much, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate you doing this for both of them."

Shelby's eyes drifted from her adopted daughter to her biological one. "Well, Rachel gave me a second chance, so I know how he feels," she said in a way that only mothers could understand. "I am hoping that our relationship can get better. Mine and Rachel's, I mean. I don't want Beth to resent Quinn and Noah like Rachel has me. I know that's my own fault, but I can't be the reason that she ever feels that way about them. Both of my girls are amazing. I'm just glad he's good to both of them."

Later, when Puck and Rebecca are feeding Beth in the kitchen, Shelby takes the opportunity to curl up on the couch with Rachel to talk. They're both nursing cups of hot tea with lemon and honey, just like Puck knows they both like it.

"So how are you really doing?"

"It's been hard," Rachel admitted. "It's still going to be hard, even after the baby comes. But I am doing better at setting boundaries that I need to have in place right now, and Noah never pushes me. He gets where I am coming from, which is actually really surprising. He's so patient, Shelby, you can't even imagine. I think...well, Noah really loves me."

"I know."

"You do?"

"Saw it the minute I walked in the door," Shelby told her. "He looks at you the same way he looks at Beth. The sun rises and sets with that little girl in his eyes. Quinn loves her, but it's different with Noah. He loves her unselfishly, unconditionally. It's never about his own agenda. I see that when he's with you. He has that same approach. He'd never abandon Beth, Rachel, and he'll never abandon you."

"Berry, get in here! You have to hear this." Rachel and Shelby shared a bemused look before heading to the kitchen. Rebecca was washing dishes while Puck sat at the table with Beth. "Say it again, baby girl."

"I'm gonna be a big sister and Auntie Bethy."

Rachel smiled down at the little girl. "Oh, you are?"

"Yes," she said matter-of-factly. "Eliza told me that her mommy's sister is her aunt. That means that I get to be an auntie to your baby, right?"

They're all awestruck by the intuition of this little three-year-old. "Well, I suppose that is technically true," Rachel allowed helplessly. She wasn't equipped to deal with these complex questions.

"And Eliza's mommy had a baby and now she is a big sister," Beth reasoned. "So if Puck Daddy is my real daddy, then your baby would be my sister. That's what Eliza said."

"Eliza?" Rachel said, her eyes darting to Shelby. "This Eliza says a lot."

"A girl in her playgroup. A very knowing, very precocious five-year-old who knows way too much about everything," Shelby explained, and Noah couldn't help but think that someone probably described Rachel that exact same way once upon a time.

"Beth, sweetheart," Noah said finally as he lifted her from her booster seat and into his lap. She looked up at him with eyes that mirrored his own. "You can be whatever you want to be to this baby. What you call yourself doesn't matter. It just matters that you love him. Can you do that?"

They all know that she doesn't exactly understand what she is agreeing to when she nods and then hugs Noah. Rachel reaches down and hugs her and places a kiss on Noah's forehead. "Thank you, Beth," Rachel said softly before smiling up at Shelby.

"Okay, now will you sing to me?"

"She's been asking, Rach," Puck said. "What do you say? Wanna sing with me?"

The two of them left Shelby in the kitchen with Rebecca to set up house on the couch.

"I look at your smiling face. You're so weak and yet you have such strength," Rachel sang. "You take a glance around this place and you make the best of everything."

"You give me hope in spite of everything. You show me love even with so much pain," the two of them sang together. Beth's head rested against Noah's shoulder with her eyes closed, her little hand fisted in his shirt. Rachel reached over to rub her back soothingly. "So I'll take this life and live like I was given another try."

"We laugh, we cry. Sometimes we're broken and we don't know why," Puck sang, now his voice softer. "I'm tired and I lose my way. You help me find faith again."

"You give me hope in spite of everything. You show me love even with so much pain," their voices blended in unison. Noah looked at her and Rachel looked at him. "So I'll take this life and live like I was given another try. Just give me another try."

* * *

_Song Credits: Mashup of "Best I Ever Had" by Drake and "Best I Ever Had" by Vertical Horizon; "You Give Me Hope" by Between the Trees._

_Author's Note: The 150th reviewer will win a special prize so make sure to leave one!  
_


	21. Chapter 21

"Move your damn head, Berry!"

"Ease up on her, Santana, she's eight months pregnant," Carole spoke up.

Hiram peered over his husband's shoulder. "Well, she is right. Rachel, darling, we can't really see through your head. Could you just lean a little left?"

"Really?" Rachel asked exasperatedly as she shifted slightly. "Can everyone see now?"

"Where is it? I can't see it!" Brittany cried.

"It's right over there, Brit," Blaine said patiently, pointing to the center of the screen.

"It's the thing that looks like a jellybean, sweetie," Kurt said beside him. "The one that's moving."

"I see a foot. Is that a foot? It totally looks like a foot!" Rebecca said excitedly.

"Yeah, Ma, that's a foot. Can you take it down a notch?" Puck said.

"Wow, he's beautiful," Leroy said in wonder. "Honey, just gorgeous."

Rachel looked up at her fathers. Both had tears shining in their eyes as the kind and patient ultrasound technician carefully worked the machine over her stomach. Everyone had come down to Kentucky for her eight-month checkup. It had been quite an event planning it, first starting out with the grandparents and then growing to include the godparents. By the time Santana and Kurt were invited along, Puck had had to negotiate with Rachel's doctor to get the last appointment of the day so that her entourage didn't disrupt the rest of the entourage.

Her eyes eventually drifted over to Puck, who had insisted on his customary stool next to Rachel so he could hold her hand. This was as stressful for him, if not more, but he had agreed to do it since it was what she wanted to do. It was the last big appointment like this before the final count down to baby began. They would have weekly appointments after this, ones that only he would be there for until she went into labor and the herd gathered back here.

It had been a long talk trying to decide if they would stay in Lima or go back to Kentucky. At first, Rachel had considered changing doctors, but when Puck had weighed that against the constant hovering from everyone, she had elected to head back to her house on the base They still had choices to make after the baby came, but he had his job here that he was back working that he liked well enough that kept him busy. Besides, they both knew they could use the time to bond a little more with just the two of them. After the baby was born, it would never be like that again.

"Alright, Rachel, everything looks healthy. Keep doing what you're doing and call the doctor if you see any signs of labor. Both you and Noah know what you're supposed to look for," the tech announced as she flipped off the machine. "I'll have printouts ready for you at the front desk. Unless you have any questions for me, you can get dressed and set up your next appointment with reception."

"Okay, you heard her, guys, everyone out," Puck commanded, dropping Rachel's hand reluctantly to start shuttling everyone out of the room. "We'll meet you guys back at the house."

"But Noah, I think..." Carole started before Burt stopped her with a gentle touch to the wrist. The two exchanged a look before Finn's mom nodded. "That sounds great. We'll see you there for dinner."

One by one, everyone filed out of the room until Puck was left alone with Rachel. He turned his back while she changed out of the dressing gown and back into her customary sweats that she had taken up as her uniform. Puck helped her clasp her silver Star of David necklace back around her neck and waited patiently as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail.

"You ready, Gorgeous?"

Rachel beamed up at him. "Have I told you how great you are?"

"Some, but I'm always up for compliments when it comes to the Puckerone," he teased her. Rachel looked a little worn as he rubbed his hands up and down her back. "Seriously, babe, you want me to have everyone head back to the hotels? I know you're exhausted."

"No, I'm glad they're here. It's just there's _a lot_ of them," Rachel said with a small shake of her head. "I know that everyone wanted to see it, but I'm rather glad it's just going to be the two of us after this. That poor nurse, honestly, it's a lot to take."

"You're telling me," he smiled as he moved his hands down to rest on her stomach. "He's been pretty active today, huh? He was doing flips while he got camera time there."

"Loves to perform like his mother," Rachel replied proudly. "Speaking of mother, have you thought of any baby names?"

Puck shook his head at her. "Nice try, Rach. Have _you_ thought of any baby names? This one is your decision. It's your kid. I'm not makin' that call."

"Well, it obviously has to be something Hebrew for the first name. He is Jewish, after all."

"Of course," he smiled affectionately. "So what did you have in mind?"

"How about Joshua?"

"That's my middle name."

"I know," she retorted proudly. "I want to name him after you. Joshua Finn after both his fathers."

"And for a last name?"

"Berry," she said confidently. "That's my last name and it will be his. He'll have part of both of you with him. Berry gives him a part of me, and it will carry on my family name. Our next one can have your name."

Puck couldn't help but grin. "Next one?"

"Shut up!"

"Rachel wants to have my babies," he teased her. She squealed like a little girl as he tickled her stomach. The baby moved beneath his fingers, causing both of them to start laughing again. "I think the baby wants a song. What do you think, Joshua? Up for a song?"

"Way up in the air, you're finally free, and you can stay up there, right next to me. All this gravity will try to pull you down, but not this time," Rachel sang as Puck slipped behind her, weaving his arms around her waist. She rested her head against his chest and finally let herself just breathe. "When the sun goes down and the lights burn out, then it's time for you to shine. Brighter than the shooting star so shine no matter where you are. Fill the darkest night with a brilliant light 'cause it's time for you to shine. Brighter than a shooting star so shine no matter where you are tonight."

"Gazing through my eyes when the fire starts and fan the flame so hot, it melt our hearts. All the pouring rain, we'll try to put it out but not this time," Puck sang as they swayed back and forth. The rest of the world didn't exist when they were like this. He knew they needed to hurry along and deal with the waiting nurses and their families and just life in general. But for these precious minutes when they were singing, even the history with Finn didn't exist. It was just Puck and Rachel and this baby. It was just their family. "Let your colors burn and brightly burst into a million sparks, but all dispersed and illuminate a world. That'll try to bring you down but not this time."

"When the sun goes down and the lights burn out then it's time for you to shine," Rachel sang.

"Brighter than the shooting star, so shine no matter where you are," Puck replied in harmony. "Fill the darkest night with a brilliant light 'cause it's time for you to shine."

"Brighter than a shooting star, so shine no matter where you are," they sang together. "Tonight."

* * *

_Song Credit: Shooting Star by Owl City_

_Author's Note: Sorry this one is so short, but I wanted to give you a little something sweet to tie you over. This week is super busy, but I will get you an update this weekend, I promise! Thanks for the reviews as always!_


	22. Chapter 22

She sat down at the vanity, turning on her curling iron before reaching for an eyeshadow brush. Rachel carefully brushed a light layer of a sparkling beige across her brow bone and then a heavier coat of a dark cocoa across the lid. She smiled prettily at her reflection as she angled her face different ways to check out the makeup job in the light. Seemingly satisfied, she set to work curling her long, dark tendrils in loose ringlets that trailed down her back.

She could feel her son moving beneath her black cocktail dress, turning and tumbling in time with the jazzy tune playing on the small radio on her bathroom counter. "Hold still, Joshua," she murmured softly, resting a hand on her stomach briefly before returning to her hair. She had taken to calling him by his name now that he was starting to become more real with every passing day. It was only a month until he would be here, and Rachel couldn't think of a time she had been more eager. That was saying a lot given her history, but everything before this paled in comparison to the impending arrival of her little boy.

"Are you sure I have to wear a tie to this thing?" Puck complained from the doorway. Rachel turned and regarded easily, allowing her eyes to linger a little longer than necessary to drink him in. He was such a handsome man, and it was hard not to appreciate him when he was standing there like that in his dark suit and polished shoes. "C'mon, Rach, it's just a dinner."

"A dinner with the General," Rachel corrected him. "A dinner with the General on Valentine's Day actually, Puck. This is an important fundraiser that helps wives like me who have lost their husband. I know it's not the most conventional way to spend the occasion, but I would really appreciate it if you could make a little effort without giving me a hard time. As much as I love our witty banter, I'm simply not up to doing it tonight. My nerves about performing are enough adrenaline for the evening, thank you very much."

"Fine," he muttered as he disappeared back toward the bedroom in search of the red tie she had laid out for him. Rachel could hear him grumbling just out of earshot but didn't bother to reprimand him. She knew that this was the last thing he wanted to do on the most romantic night of the year, but it was something that had become really important to her. A senator was even coming to take part in the fundraiser, which had been organized by the wives in her support group. They had asked Rachel to give a small speech about her own story and to sing a song. It had taken her all of three seconds to agree. She wasn't necessarily too keen on the speech part, but she couldn't wait to take the stage. That infectious performing bug had returned in full force.

Rachel was just slipping her arms into a red cashmere cardigan when Noah returned to the room. He smiled widely at Rachel as he came over and pressed a kiss to her neck. "You look beautiful, babe," he whispered against her hair, his breath tickling her skin. "Are you sure you really want to do this?"

"I've thought about this quite a bit, Noah. It's something that I need to do. It really is important to me," she reminded him. "Look, I know you're worried about the Braxton Hicks, but the doctor assured me earlier this week that everything is perfectly normal. We are four weeks out, and even if I was to deliver now, I am well within the range for a healthy and safe deliver. We have been over this all before, and rehashing it all is far from good for my stress levels."

She loved him for being so concerned really. There had been a few false starts early in the week when she had thought that she had felt the beginnings of labor pain, but the doctor had quickly reassured her that everything was as it should be. It didn't stop Noah from reacting every time she as much yawned though, and the hovering could be a little much.

Twenty-five minutes later, they were being ushered into the small reception hall and toward their table at the front of the room. They stopped periodically to chat with people that Rachel knew, girls from the support group and other people from around the base. Noah even knew a few from the garage and struck up a particularly long conversation with the General's wife. He had fixed her navy blue Volvo the week before and had nothing but compliments to share with Rachel about his workmanship. Rachel could only beam brightly with pride at his side.

"Senator Hobbes is here, Rachel," the General told her as he pulled out the chair for her. Rachel nodded in understanding. "We think that your testimonial could go a long way in getting funding for the kind of outreach your group has proposed. And it doesn't hurt that you have the voice of an angel."

"I understand, sir," she said honestly. "But I'm afraid that what I have to say won't necessarily sit well with him or some of the others in the room. You know as well as I do that this is not always the appropriate environment to be so outspoken and frank with these kinds of opinions."

The General's wife leaned across her husband to speak to Rachel. "Nothing worth saying ever is, dear," she told her. "You give 'em hell. Make them listen. You ladies deserve support, and from what my husband has told me, you're just the girl to make it happen."

"That she is," Puck agreed as he rested his hand on hers beneath the table. It was his turn to smile at Rachel proudly. "She's always been that way, too. There's something about Rachel that makes a man want to sit up a little straighter and listen a little closer. I have no doubt that she will be very effective in securing the money you guys need to get this program up and running."

The whole project had become a labor of love for the whole group. It was designed to give military wives the ongoing support they would need after the bereavement funding ran out. Rachel had even donated a portion of her own military payout toward the cause, wanting to pay it forward to a community of ladies who had already helped her so much. Noah had been wonderfully supportive from the beginning, and now, she was a few moments away from taking the stage and giving one of her most important performances to date.

"Ladies and gentleman, Rachel Berry!"

Rachel smiled graciously at the applause that welcomed her as the emcee, a local reporter whose name she couldn't quite place, gave her the microphone so that she could take the podium. Rachel then turned that same grin out toward the crowd, allowing her eyes to scan the crowd before resting on the General and his wife, then Noah and finally Senator Hobbes. "Thank you so much for that warm welcome," she said. "You have already heard so much about this wonderful program, so right now, I want to tell you a story. It's a story of a young man from a small town in Ohio. He was an athlete, a gifted singer and loved to play the drums. Although he had lost his father at a young age, he had always dreamed of following in his footsteps and joining the Army. Three days after he graduated from high school, he left that small town in Ohio for basic training."

"Now, there was also a young girl from that same small town. She was born to perform and had chosen to pursue her dreams of Broadway in New York City. The two of them agreed to stay faithful to each other after a lot of conversation and even a brief time apart," she told the crowd. She could tell that they were entranced, hanging onto her every word. "They were two people who were deeply in love, and on the day that he announced he was going to Afghanistan, they decided to throw caution to the wind and to get married just in case. Just in case, something the girl never really believed in. She had always romanticized love, and nothing seemed as fated or clandestine as a wartime marriage. They only had a short time together before he was sent to the front lines."

Rachel reached down and rubbed her stomach absently as she continued with the story. She needed to feel connected to Finn right now to get the rest of the way through this. "Life went on for a few months. She faithfully sent letters and packages on a weekly basis and kept a scrapbook about all the things he had missed while he was gone so that he could catch up when he got back. He would call when he could and they took advantage of modern technology and video chatted at all odd hours of the day. It wasn't perfect but it worked for the short term. She could almost convince herself most days that she didn't even miss New York City when there was an unbelievably beautiful day in Kentucky."

"And then one day, a black car showed up at her front door. There are far too many women in the room tonight who know what that car means," Rachel said. "The young man was gone, killed in the line of duty by an IED. The young woman was traumatized because she had been waiting for that fateful first trimester to pass so that she could tell him the big news. She was expecting their first child. He was going to be a father, and he had died not knowing that."

"I tell you that story tonight because it is my story. If it had not been for my support group, my friends and my family, I can honestly tell you I don't think I could have made it through this. Not everyone is so fortunate," she explained to the crowd. "That's why it is so important that you all support this cause. We are empowering men and women just like ourselves with the tools and resources they need to succeed long after the United States military and government quit caring. For them, their obligation ends after the check is written, but to brother and sisterhood of widows and widowers, it endures a lifetime."

Rachel scanned the crowd before moving her gaze to the distinguished man sitting in front of her. "Senator Hobbes, I know that your voting record follows the conservative and patriotic principles you are known for. I commend you for being consistent in your approach to being a senator for the great state of Kentucky," she said. "However, I must respectfully ask you to reconsider. My husband died for no real reason. There are a lot of different ways we could approach it, but it all comes down to that in the end. He's gone and there is no going back. He'll never get to chase our little boy around the backyard. He'll never get to coach his football team. He won't be there to hold my hand when our son graduates from high school or gets married or has a child of his own. I don't know how I am going to explain that to my little boy when he gets old enough to ask. It's enough to break a mother's heart."

"That's a lesson for all of us to consider as we dig into our wallets tonight and make our contributions," she said to the crowd again. "Your support could mean the different between saving a life or allowing the darkness and destruction to overtake someone who is already a victim of horrific circumstances."

Rachel then slipped the microphone from its stand and moved a few steps away from the podium and into the spotlight. "This song is for Finn, for all of our fallen soldiers and for the families that they leave behind."

"When it rains, it pours and opens doors and floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry. And in the midst of sailing ships, we sink our lips into the ones we love that have to say goodbye," she sang to the rafters. "And as I float along this ocean, I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go."

"Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me and you make everything alright," she wailed. "And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me and I can always find my way when you are here."

Rachel moved a little along the stage until she was in the middle of the floor. "And every word I didn't say that caught up in some busy day and every dance on the kitchen floor we didn't dance before," she continued. "And every sunset that we'll miss, I'll wrap them all up in a kiss and pick you up in all of this when I sail away."

"Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me and you make everything alright. And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me and I can always find my way when you are here."

"Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plane overhead. Instead, it just feels like it is impossible to fly," she sang loudly, the tears coming down her face. "But with you I can spread my wings. To see me over everything that life may send me when I am hoping it won't pass me by. And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me, there you are to show me."

"Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me and you make everything alright," she finished. "And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me and I can always find my way when you are here."

Noah was waiting at the foot of the stairs when Rachel climbed down to thunderous applause. He took her in his arms instantly, allowing the tears to soak his collar as he murmured how proud of her he was in her ear. She pulled back and smiled up at him with wetness glimmering in her chocolate brown eyes. "And Finn would be too," he vowed with a little smile. That was the best thing he could have ever said.

Later, as they make the rounds, she thinks about how her feet still hurt despite how comfortable the shoes seemed hours ago. And she smiles happily for pictures with important people and then even more happily for people that only she found important. And she dances a little with Noah when the music starts up, allowing her head to rest on his sturdy chest when her eyes drift shut. And just when she is talking to the General about setting up a template for their fundraiser so that other bases could incorporate it, her eyes go wide and she stares up at Noah.

"I think my water just broke."

* * *

_Song Credit: "When I Look to the Sky" by Train_

_Author's Note: Thanks again for all the reviews. I love y'all, you're the best!  
_


	23. Chapter 23

Chaos – it was the only word that Puck could use to explain the scene that was unfolding in front of him. There were people everywhere in the small room, a team of nurses and doctors working frantically while Rachel writhed in pain on the hospital bed beside him. He tried to maintain his focus, to hold her hand tightly and offer her words of encouragement. The whole time he kept thinking about her birthing plan and how none of it was working out like she had meticulously laid out for him in the weeks since they had returned to Kentucky. In fact, it was pretty much the opposite of what she had wanted to happen, and if she wasn't in so much pain right now, he was pretty sure she'd be really pissed off about it.

"Rach, babe, why don't you just let them give you the epidural?" he nearly implored her, all the while trying to ignore the crushing grip she had on his fingers. "It's just one quick shot and it will help with the pain. The doctor said it won't hurt the baby. C'mon, it might be good for you to be able to rest a little until you're closer to push time."

Fire raged in her dark brown eyes, and he knew that he had probably made the wrong proposition. "If you think it's as easy as having a little shot, _Noah_, why don't we see if you can push a baby out of a tiny hole in your body?" she asked angrily. He ducked his head and exchanged a knowing look with the doctor. He could only imagine what the older man had heard in all the years he had been in the delivery room. "I want Santana and Brittany! Where are they? They're supposed to be here! Santana will yell until she gets her way, and Brittany will brush my hair."

Just as easily as the anger had come so did the tears. He reached up and brushed them away, allowing his fingers to trail down to trace her cheek. "They're on their way," he promised. "And all of the families too. Have you thought about who you want in here during delivery time? I'll be okay if you want to have one of your fathers or Carole or something. Hell, even Kurt'd probably be a better choice than me."

"Kurt is in New York, and you're not weaseling out of this one," she replied. She knew that he actually really wanted to be there but was willing to give her an out if she had changed her mind about having him there. "I need you to hold my hand, Noah. I know that I am going to be kind of a nightmare, but you've never had a problem dealing with me. When this all goes down, I'm going to need – going to want – you there."

"Nowhere else I'd be, babe," he vowed. "Ma is going to come down with Carole. She's real excited. Sarah too, she keeps talking about being an aunt."

"Keep talking, distractions help with the labor pains," one of the nurses told him.

Puck didn't even glance in her direction. "Can you believe how many aunts and uncles this kid is going to have? I mean, Sarah and Kurt obviously, but then there is San, Brit and Blaine. Plus, you know Chang is gonna call himself Uncle Mike, and I can't leave out Artie. He's my boy. And if those two are in there, Tina will be. Sam and Mercedes might as well join the family because we can't exclude anyone."

"He's gonna have a lot of family," she agreed. "We've built a pretty good one, don't you think? I think Finn would be happy. It's everything he always wanted growing up. It's what I wanted, what you wanted. We all had less than ideal circumstances, but I think Joshua is going to break that trend."

"We're gonna break it, Berry," he told her confidently. "He's just the start of it. Someday, when you're ready, I'm going to convince you to marry me and finally get rid of that weak last name in favor of the Puckerman brand. And then we're gonna have a whole fleet of Pucklebabies for Joshua to boss around. We'll live in New York. You'll be a famous singer on Broadway just like you always wanted, and I'll be content to just be the man behind the woman. We're gonna have all of that and so much more, Rach, I promise. I've never really known what I wanted before, but now that I do, I'm not gonna stop at anything until we get it."

"I didn't even want to get married until I was at least twenty-five and I had my first Tony. Now I am trying to figure out if I can get that Tony in between my second and third kids," she smiled. He felt her temporarily clench up as a contraction coursed through her body. Rachel gazed up at him as he counted her through it, breathing steadily with each passing number. "I love you, Noah."

"Back at ya, babe," he smiled when there was a knock at the door. Santana poked her head in with Brittany dancing in the background behind her. "Look what the cat dragged in. Hey, Satan, get over here and fan my girl with some fuckin' palm leaves or something."

"Rach, we have your iPod!' Brittany said proudly as she handed the pink device over to Puck. They all knew that this was a critical part of Rachel's birthing plan, one that couldn't be messed up. "And I got you some kosher pudding for when you get all done! My mom always gives me chocolate pudding when I'm sick."

"She's not sick, Brit," Santana told her carefully. "How you feeling, B?"

"Awful," she smiled, "and excited. This one here hasn't left my side, can you believe it?"

"Well, Brit's ready for Joshua to come out and play," Santana grinned. "She has a whole plan on how she can incorporate him as the third on her show."

"Blaine already said he'd be the first guest when we relaunch!" Brittany exclaimed proudly. "He's on his way down here with Carole and Burt. He called me on the way. We're excited that we get to be Joshie's godparents! I think Santana and Kurt are jealous."

"We are not," she retorted, and Puck could tell that she was just a little. "Anyways, when are you gonna get this show on the road, doc?"

The man looked up from the charts at the frank brunette and grimaced. "Rachel is only at four centimeters, so it depends on how quickly she dilates."

Over the next several hours, they all did their best to entertain an increasingly impatient Rachel. Puck finally managed to convince Rachel that she needed the epidural when he screamed out in sudden pain when her contractions intensified. Her fathers came by to check on her but were quickly dismissed with Brittany and Santana to the waiting room. Rachel didn't want anyone seeing her like this except Noah, and that was only because she couldn't imagine being in there alone. Carole stopped by with Rebecca to check on both of them, but Puck eventually had to politely ask them to leave. Blaine and Burt hadn't even dared to come in.

"Alright, Rachel, we are going to prep you to push. Noah, I suggest that you plug in that iPod now because we're at go time." Puck listened to the doctor and cued up the song without ever letting go of her hand. "When I tell you to go, you're going to push for five. I need you to keep breathing as you push. Noah will count you down. You should rest between the pushes, and I will tell you when you need to push again. Do you both understand?"

Once they both nodded, a team of nurses took their places around the doctor. "Rachel, we're going to push now, okay?" the doctor asked. "I know you're going to feel like you can't do this, but I am here to tell you that you can do this. Just focus on your breath and on Noah. Mother nature will take care of the rest."

Rachel gripped Puck's hand hard as she started to push. "One, two, three, four, five," he counted steadily, gazing down at her intently. Sweat was already starting to form on her brow, which a nurse quickly dabbed away with a pink wash cloth. "You're doing good, babe. So good."

"It hurts so much," she bit out as she breathed through the end of the push. "Wait, is that Quinn?"

Puck smiled down at her and nodded. When she had picked the song she wanted to hear while she was in labor, he had quickly formulated a plan in his head to give her a custom version. It had taken a few text messages and modern technology to get recordings sent in from all parts of the country. Artie had spent a full week mixing it to get the best cuts of everyone's voices so that she could hear them at her most crucial moment. Puck may have even contributed a line or two himself.

"_A new day, oh oh," Emma began the song. "A new day, oh oh."_

"_I was waiting for so long for a miracle to come," Quinn sang. "Everyone told me to be strong. Hold on and don't shed a tear."_

"Okay, Rachel, we're going to need you to push again," the doctor instructed her. "On Noah's count..."

"_Through the darkness and good times, I knew I'd make it through," Mike sang. "And the world thought I had it all, but I was waiting for you."_

"One, two, three," Puck counted aloud. "Doing good, Rach. Four, five."

"_Hush now," Kurt came in. "I see a light in the sky. Oh, it's almost blinding me. I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love."_

"I want you to rest for a second and then we're gonna have a nice, big push, okay?"

"_Let the rain come down and wash away my tears," Blaine sang. "Let it fill my soul and drown my fears. Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun."_

"You ready, Rachel? Noah, count her down. Rachel, I need you to breathe."

"One, two, three, four, five," Puck counted. "Breathe, baby, you're amazing."

"_A new day has come. Where it was dark now, there's light," Santana sang sweetly. "Where there was pain, now there's joy."_

"_Where there was weakness, I found my strength," Brittany added. "All in the eyes of a boy."_

"We're about half way there, guys. Joshua is looking strong, just like his mom," the doctor assured them. "How you feeling, Rachel?"

"Like I want to kill Noah and he didn't even do this to me," she grumbled. The pain was so intense and it didn't seem to subside.

"Well, let's get ready to push again so we can get this over with then."

"_Hush now, I see a light in the sky," Mr. Schuester sang. "Oh, it's almost blinding me. I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love."_

"_Let the rain come down and wash away my tears," Artie sang beautifully. "Let it fill my soul and drown my fears. Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun."_

"Alright, push, Rachel, push, push, push!"

"_A new day has...," Sam harmonized. "Let the rain come down and wash away my tears."_

"_Let it fill my soul and drown my fears," Tina added. "Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun. A new day has come, oh!"_

"...three, four, five," Puck recited. "I can see his head, Rach! He has so much hair."

She smiled up at him. "Really?"

"All you, babe," he told her proudly.

"_Hush now, I see a light in your eyes," Mercedes wailed, hitting each note perfectly. "All in the eyes of the boy."_

"He's beautiful, Rach, you're amazing," Puck gushed as he watched Joshua's torso come into view.

"Just one big push, Rachel, you ready to become a mom?"

Rachel nodded excitedly as she grabbed Puck's hands. He gazed down at her intently and mouthed, "I love you." She mouthed the same sentiment in return and then nodded. "One, two, three, four, five..."

"_I can't believe it. I've been touched by an angel with love," Puck sang softly. "I can't believe it. I've been touched by an angel with love. Hush now, ahh. A new day, ahh. Hush now, ahh. A new day."_

"Congratulations, Rachel, you have a healthy boy!" the doctor said as soon as Joshua's cries filled the room. Tears sprung immediately to her eyes, and when she looked up at Noah, she wasn't at all surprised to see wet eyes shining back at her. "Would you like to cut the cord, Daddy?"

"Daddy," Puck repeated in awe. It was all real now. "Yeah, of course, please! Yes!"

Rachel waited a moment until she watched the nurses whisk Joshua away to clean him up. Puck came back up by her head and kissed her forehead and then her lips. "He's perfect, you're perfect."

"Thank you," she smiled. "For everything."

"Rachel, would you like to hold your son?"

"My son," she gasped in awe as the nurse helped put Joshua into her arms. He had the same dark hair and caramel complexion as hers, but the shape of his lips and his eyes were all Finn. "We've been waiting for you for a very long time, Joshua Finn Berry. Your daddy and I couldn't wait for you to get here, could we?"

"Nope, buddy," Puck said as he slipped his finger through Joshua's tiny fist. "You're pretty much the best thing we've got going on."

Rachel smiled down at her little boy and then up at her much bigger one. "This is our family now."

* * *

_Song Credit: "A New Day Has Come" by Celine Dion. Credit for the selection goes to reviewer #150, Marla's Lost. Thank you for your continued support! And thanks to everyone who has stuck it out with me this far. Just two more chapters to go..._


	24. Chapter 24

"He's fuckin' perfect."

"Noah, language!" Rachel exhaled with a sharp whisper. "But, yes, he is absolute perfection. Look at how tiny his hands are. And his toes, oh, Noah. They're just perfect."

He smiled down affectionately at her before pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Yeah, you did good, Rach," he complimented her sweetly. They were all wrapped up in a post-labor haze where their insides felt fuzzy and happy in a way that only new parents could really pull off. "I can't believe he's finally here. It feels like we've been waiting for you forever, buddy."

Rachel nuzzled him a little closer to her chest as Puck reached down to rub his hands over the soft material of Joshua's sleeper. A cute little yellow hat with a duck's face adorned his head, covering the mop of dark hair that was already there. "I am sure everyone wants to come in and see him, but I'm not quite ready to share him yet."

"I know what you mean. I like it like this, quiet and just us," he agreed. He knew that there would be an entire lifetime of this after they left the hospital, but it felt important for the three of them to have this time alone. Whether he got it from one of the books Rachel made him read or from his own paternal instincts, he wasn't really sure, but he was glad to have the peaceful moment all the same. "Who do you want to come in first?"

"Well, I feel like it should be the grandparents. I've been thinking about this a lot, and I want to do it in small groups so that we don't get overwhelmed," she told him. "I mean, my dads and your mom should be in here, but I think I want Carole to come in first by herself if that's okay. If Finn can't be here to hold him, I feel like it should be her. It's what he'd want. We owe it to her."

"Smart idea," he replied with a genuine smile. "I'll tell you what, why don't you try to feed him again and then I'll go get her. I'm sure your dads are chomping at the bit to check on you, so the quicker we rotate them through, the sooner we get to be alone again."

Puck waited patiently while Rachel attempted to nurse. After a few false starts, Joshua finally latched on and Rachel was able to feed him for a few minutes. Meanwhile, Puck distracted her by talking about all the people waiting for her out in the waiting room and how he couldn't wait for them to be home again. She laughed when he told a story about Santana and Kurt yelling at a nurse for not feeding them updates quickly enough and how Quinn had burst into tears when he told her how big Joshua was.

"Blaine said he was the best looking baby in the nursery when they went to peak at him thought he window," Puck bragged. "I know I can't take credit for that, but I'd like to think Joshua's already learned his swagger me. No way he got that from you or Hudson."

Rachel shook her head as she shifted Joshua off her chest for Puck to take so that she could rearrange herself properly. "Yes, Noah, you will be the entire cause behind our son's cool factor," she said to appease him. "And the trouble he'll inevitably get in, that's all you. I will take credit for his musical talent and intelligence. We'll credit Finn for the natural kindness and athleticism. He'll get the best of all of us."

He handed Joshua back over while he left to get Carole. A minute later, the grandmother followed Puck back into the room with tears already shining in her eyes. "He looks so much like Finn did," Carole told them because that's what the mother needed to believe. That's just how parents and grandparents were. "Oh, Joshua, look at you! Yes, you're just so beautiful. Oh, yes, you are, my sweet darling. Rachel, he's just gorgeous."

"Yes, he is, thank you," she replied brightly. "Do you want to hold him?"

"Oh, yes, please!" she answered as Puck helped shift the baby from Rachel's arms and into Carole's.

Cradling her grandson's head, she settled into the rocking chair in the corner and slowly began to rock Joshua. Puck almost felt like he was interrupting a private moment, but it was his place to be there. He exchanged a happy smile with Rachel. "You've never looked more beautiful," he whispered as he sat on the edge of the mattress and reached for her hand. Rachel glanced over his shoulder at her son and Carole. "Do you need anything?"

"I've got him and you with me, what else is there?"

"Rachel, I have something. Noah, can you bring my bag over here?" Carole asked, nodding her head toward the oversized tote next to the bathroom door. Puck sat it on the window sill beside her so that Carole could pull out a soft blue blanket. "This was Finn's when he was a baby. He took it everywhere with him until he was three. It was a huge blanket, so when he got old enough to walk, I cut it up into several blankets. I saved this one for his first child. I want you to have it."

Puck brought it over for Rachel to see. She lifted it up to her face and inhaled deeply, looking for any trace of Finn on the fabric. Part of her was a little disappointed that there was none, but the rest of her knew that it was good because it meant Joshua could make his own mark on it. "Thank you, Carole, we will take good care of it so that we can tell Joshua all about it someday," she promised, tears shining in her dark eyes. Mutual understanding passed between the two, and she knew that there was finally, really, peace.

"As much as I could hold him all day, he has three grandfathers and a grandmother out there who could probably use a turn," Carole smiled. "I'll go get your dads, Rachel. I'm sure Rebecca and Burt don't mind waiting."

"Oh, please do send them in!" Rachel exclaimed happily as Puck took Joshua from Carole. "Thank you for being here, Carole. You're going to be a really good grandma."

Hiram and Leroy were the next two to come marching through the door, their argument about who got to hold Joshua first preceding them up the hallway. All of that talk stopped when they came into the room and saw their baby hovering over her own son with Noah at her side on the bed. "Oh, baby," Hiram said, covering his mouth in awe. She could see that they were both overwhelmed with emotion. "Rachel, star, he's beautiful."

"That seems to be the consensus," she giggled as she presented her son. "Dad, Daddy, I want you to meet your grandson. Joshua Finn Berry, these are your grandfathers."

"He's amazing," Leroy said in wonder as he picked up Joshua. "He looks just like his mommy."

"Look at all this hair. It's dark and thick just like yours was, sweetheart," Hiram told her.

"And these little toes, they are definitely Rachel's," Leroy grinned proudly. "His skin is beautiful."

Rachel closed her eyes and listened to her two fathers fawn over her son. Noah settled in next to her on the bed, drawing her small frame close to his body as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She must have been more tired than she thought because she quickly found herself dozing off. It was a deep and dreamless sleep, an indication that her body really needed the rest. When she woke up, she realized she was alone in bed and that there were two different voices talking than when she fell asleep.

"Noah, he's pretty special," Rebecca said as she held Joshua near the window. Puck was at her side, carefully adjusting and readjusting the receiving blanket around his shoulders. "He looks like both of them, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I think he does," he agreed. "Ma, look at him. I get to be his dad." His voice was full of amazed wonder, and Rachel fell a little more in love with him right then. "I thought it would feel different than it did with Beth because he's not mine, you know, biologically, but it's the same. I love him just as much as I do her. The only thing that's different this time is that I don't have to say goodbye. We get to keep him, raise him, be his parents. How can I thank her for that?"

Rebecca considered her son for a moment. "I don't think you have to, honey," she told him. "Rachel chose you because of all these things and so many other ones that you don't even see yet. You've done good, Noah. I'm very, very proud of you."

"You should listen to your mother," Rachel piped up. "She's a brilliant woman."

"Yes, she is," Noah smiled over at her and then up at his mother. "Did you sleep well?"

"I did, thank you for letting me nap. I guess I needed it more than I realized," she acknowledged. "Has he been fussy? Do you think he's hungry?"

"He's been an angel," Rebecca assured her. "Burt has already come and gone, but I should probably let the others in here if you're ready for them. Your friends have been waiting."

"Brittany and Blaine first, okay?"

"Whatever you want, Berry," Puck promised. "I'm just going to put him back in the bassinet for a minute so you can stretch your legs. You want me to grab you something to eat? The nurse brought down a menu for you to order your lunch."

The two of them were looking over the food list when Blaine and Brittany showed up. "Oh, Blaine, look at Joshie!" the blonde squealed as she bounced into the room. She peered over the edge of the bed to where he was sleeping below. "Rachel, he's like a little angel. Look at how little his hands are! They're even smaller than Lord Tubbington's paws!"

"Do you want to hold him, Britt?" Puck asked as he came over to lift Joshua up for her. Brittany nodded eagerly as she sat down in the chair. Blaine knealed beside her and gazed in wonder as Puck helped arrange the baby in Brittany's arms. "What do you guys think?"

Blaine looked up at him and nodded resolutely. "You have every reason to be proud of him."

It took a lot of negotiating to get Brittany to hand Joshua back over so that Kurt and Santana could come in. Kurt was already in tears when he came into the room. "Let me see my nephew," he demanded quietly as he took Joshua from Rachel. It was then that the baby decided to stir. Kurt held him closely as he began to pace along the length of the room, talking in hush whispered about all the things he was going to teach him. He kept his face tucked near Joshua's ear, letting his lips occasionally brush his downy head as he spoke. Even Puck had to admit that there was something special about watching the two of them together. It was almost unexpected. Joshua chose that moment to smile up at Kurt and even if it was just gas, it was still pretty special to all of them.

"You're gonna be a force to be reckoned with, kiddo," Santana told Joshua when it was her turn. "When you need to learn to fight, you just come to me. Your mommy probably isn't going to let Puckerman do it, but Auntie Santana will teach you. I can land a mean right hook."

After Rachel had adequately chewed out Santana and sent her back to the waiting room, they were thrilled to see Quinn and Artie come wheeling in. Artie went first, holding the little guy while talking about how he was going to teach him the drums like his dad. "Puck's got the guitar covered, but we want you to be a Renaissance man, little dude," Artie told him. "Besides, we have to balance out all those dance lessons Rachel will make you take. Gotta keep you manly, right?"

"Artie, I have you know, I will make sure Joshua is a well-rounded little boy..."

"I think it was a joke, Rach," Puck said. "Q, you wanna take a turn?"

She hadn't held a baby since Beth was born, but as soon as she took Joshua into her arms, she knew that she still had a maternal bone left in her. Tears sprang to her eyes as she looked up at Puck. "Look what they created," she whispered. "Finn...Rachel...you...me, it's still kind of a mess, huh?"

"Beth and him kinda make it better though, don't they?" he asked rhetorically as he bent down beside her. Artie was busy talking to Rachel for either of them to notice. "I'm getting a second chance with Joshua, Q. You'll get your own someday."

"I hope so," she smiled at him prettily. "Don't lose her, Puck. She's good for you."

"We're good for each other," he agreed. "He makes us both want to be better."

Tina and Mike were the next to come into the room. "And you always thought we'd be the next to procreate," Mike teased him as he sat next to Tina, who was holding Joshua. "I got a couple McKinley jerseys for him out in the waiting room. There's a football one with Finn's number and a baseball one with Puck's. I couldn't pick between the two, this just felt more right."

"Good choice, Michael," Rachel complimented him. "It's exactly right, just perfect."

"And I had a tree planted in Jerusalem in his name for you, Rach," Tina added. "It's important to have strong roots."

Rachel was just about to say something when Puck spoke up. "You guys are gonna be really great parents some day," he told them. "Stuff like this, the way you are together, it always reminds me of that."

"Alright, Diva, where is that baby of yours!" Mercedes called as she came into the room. Mike stood up and helped Tina to her feet so they could hand the sleeping infant over to the newest visitor. Sam was right behind her, stopping to bump fists with Puck and kiss Rachel's cheek. Tina and Mike said their goodbyes before leaving the new foursome to it. "He's pretty dang cute."

"Yeah, he is," Sam grinned as he looked down at Joshua. "I can't believe we were like that once."

"I know," Mercedes said in equal wonder. "What do you think he'll be like when he grows up?"

Sam looked over at Puck and then Rachel. "With those two, hard to say," he teased. "No, seriously, he's gonna be pretty great. You guys have grown up a lot this year, but I want you to know that all of us are proud of you. This kid is going to inherit Rachel's optimism and the way she cares so deeply about everything she loves and her unyielding determination. He's going to get Puck's quiet strength and how he fights harder than anyone I've ever seen and the way he doesn't care what anyone thinks when he sets his mind to something. And from Finn, he'll get that natural ability to make friends with anyone and an innocent way of seeing the world and the want to just see the good in people."

"Very astute, Samuel," Rachel complimented him. "I hope you're right."

"Oh, let's not wear rose-colored glasses," Mercedes said. "He can also get the bad stuff. Like the way Rachel will step on anyone's toes to get where she belongs and how Puck can't ever let anyone see his weakness and that damn way Finn never caught onto what was going on without someone pointing it out to him. He's not gonna be perfect, but who wants perfection? He's going to be so much better because he's going to be interesting and he's going to be real. He's going to be his own person."

"Even better, Jones," Puck agreed.

The last person to come into visit was Mr. Schuester. Emma was back in Lima, so he had made the trip down alone. He held the baby silently for a long time, just rocking in the corner and staring down at him in quiet wonder. The four of them sat peacefully until Puck had drifted to sleep in the recliner in the corner. Rachel smiled when her former teacher came back over to rest her son in his arms.

"I hope that I get to teach him someday," he told her. "You and Finn changed me as a person, and I can already see that he has had the same impact on you and Noah. You are going to be a good mother, Rachel, don't ever doubt yourself. You've always had it together when your confidence was on point, try to remember that. I know it won't always be easy, but I have faith that you are going to make all of us – including Finn – proud."

"Thank you, Mr. Schue. I hope you know how Finn felt... You were like a father to him."

"He was like a son to me," he replied. "You guys, all of you, are like my children. Wherever you go, whatever you do, I carry you all with me. You were my first kids. And now you are starting to grow up. I'm proud of you, Rachel, and of Puck, too. You're going to be the best parents Joshua could have ever hoped for."

A few minutes later, Noah stirred from his sleep to find Rachel rocking Joshua in the corner. "Shift over," he told her as he scooted into the seat next to her. He wrapped his arms around her from behind so that the was almost holding her too. "Want to sing him his first lullaby?"

"There comes a time, a time in everyone's life," Rachel sang. "Where nothing seems to go your way, where nothing seems to turn out right."

"There may come a time you just can't seem to find your place," Puck sang. "For every door you open, seems like you get two slammed in your face."

"That's when you need someone, someone that you, you can call," they sang together. "When all your faith is gone and it feels like you can't go on. Let it be me. If it's a friend that you need, let it be me. Let it be me."

"Feels like you're always coming up last, pockets full of nothin', ain't got no cash," Puck harmonized. "No matter where you turn, you ain't got not place to stand."

"You reach out for somethin' and they slap your hand," Rachel added. "Now I remember all too well just how it feels to be all alone. Feel like you'd give anything for just a little place to call your own."

"That's when you need someone, someone that you, you can call," their voices melted in unison. "When all your faith is gone and it feels like you can't go on. Let it be me. If it's a friend that you need, let it be me. Let it be me."

"Let it be me," Rachel sang.

"Let it be me," Puck returned.

"If it's a friend you need," they sang together again. "Let it be me. Let it be me. Let it be me."

* * *

_Song Credit: "Let It Be Me" by Ray Lamontagne_


	25. Chapter 25

_**Five years later...**_

Puck hauled his guitar over his shoulder and waved to the producer through the double-paned window that separated the studio from the control room. "See you guys tomorrow," he called with a quick nod. "Rach has that thing tonight, so I got the kids. I should be back early though. We'll run through that last one again and hopefully get the backgrounds down for the other two."

"Sounds good, man," the producer replied over the speaker. "You tell your girl good luck for us. We'll all be watching her on Sunday."

The Tonys were just around the corner, and Puck knew how important it was to Rachel that everyone was behind her. They'd had a string of calls from all their old high school friends all week wishing her the best of luck, and her fathers had flown in with Rebecca and Sarah the night before so they could be there for the big event. After a successful stint in a revival of _West Side Story_ two years ago, she had become a Broadway darling. Few had been surprised when her nomination for best actress in a musical for her current run as the lead in a musical written by Taylor Swift and Scott Wittman.

His first stop on the way home was by the private Hebrew primary school Joshua was enrolled in for kindergarten. The rambunctious five-year-old came ambling out of the classroom with his soccer gear and a half-completed art project that would require their attention later.

"Good day, buddy?"

"Yeah, I scored two goals in soccer!" he said proudly, pumping his little fists as he climbed into the back of the taxi beside Puck. They'd been in New York for four years now, and his son couldn't remember life before bright lights and yellow cabs. "Dad, can we order pizza for dinner? Mommy will be at rehearsal, so we don't even have to get any of that icky vegan stuff. We can get the real kind with pepperoni and everything!"

"I think that can be arranged," Puck grinned in return as he reached down to muss Josh's hair. "We just have to swing by to pick up your sisters, and then I'll order a pie on the way home."

Fifteen minutes, he was helping his twin three-year-old girls into the backseat next to Joshua. Grace Rebecca and Nava Quinn Puckerman had come just before Rachel had taken New York by storm and exactly one year after they had quietly married in the Berrys' backyard back in Lima. Joshua and Beth had been the only ones to stand up with them, and when it had come time to choose the godparents, Rachel and Puck had shared the love with the rest of their close-knit circle. Quinn had been named Nava's godmother, sharing the responsibilities with Artie as godfather. Grace had been lucky enough to land the interesting pairing of Santana and Kurt. Mike and Tina had pretty much insisted that they have another one so they could lay their claim to one of the Puckerman clan, so Rachel had put it in her five-year plan so that she could get her first movie in.

"Daddy, Gracie keeps pulling my hair!" Nava complained, staring up at her father with the same pleading brown eyes that made him a sucker for Rachel. Grace looked at him with the same exact gaze, her little lip pushed out in a pout. "Daddy!"

"Girls, enough fighting, this nice driver doesn't want to listen to you two rugrats fight for the next forty blocks," he ordered them evenly, turning slightly over his shoulder to give them a stern look. "Whoever behaves gets to go with me to the theater to see Mommy later. Whoever doesn't gets to stay with a babysitter and go to bed extra early. Got it?"

"Got it," the three grumbled in unison.

A few hours later, after he had adequately pumped them full of junk food and managed to help Joshua come up with some semblance of a family portrait made out of dried pasta and beans, he packed the kids back up in another cab and headed for 44th Street to where Rachel was headlining at Helen Hayes Theatre. He held each of the girls' hands on either side of him and made Joshua walk right in front of him so that he could keep his eye on all three at once, no easy feat when he was going it solo.

"Hey, Raul," Puck greeted the doorman. "Think we can catch Rachel at dress?"

"Go on in, Mr. Puckerman," the young man smiled politely. He reached down and slapped five with Joshua. "How you doing today, kid? Score any goals?"

"Two!" he said proudly. "You have to come see me, Raul. We have a game on Tuesday." Puck watched the interaction with a small smile. His son made friends easily and had a certain affection for the doorman at Rachel's theater. He had actually become somewhat of a family friend, even coming over to watch the Giants on the occasional Sunday afternoon. "You can even bring your girlfriend."

"We'll be there," Raul promised before tipping his hat toward the girls. "How are my favorite ladies doing?"

They both had a bit of a crush on the handsome Persian. "Fine, Mr. Raul," Gracie replied with a shy look while the braver Nava grinned widely and retorted, "Fabulous, Mr. Raul." They definitely were Rachel's girls.

Puck finally managed to get them into the theater and into their seats just as Rachel was mid-song in the middle of the stage for the closing number. It was an imagining of a modern love story in Nashville by way of New York set to the twangy pop-country songs that Swift was known for, but it wasn't exactly Puck's kind of thing. Rachel had taken a risk getting involved in the project, one that had paid off when the critics had fallen in love with her voice and given her the recognition of a lifetime with the nomination last month.

"Flash forward and we're taking on the world together, and there's a drawer of my things at your place," Rachel said as she sang to her co-star. "You learn my secrets and figure out why I'm guarded. You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes."

Rachel took a few steps out into the middle of the stage, turning her gaze out over the empty audience. "But we got bills to pay. We got nothing figured out," she wailed to the rafters. "When it was hard to take, yes, yes, this is what I thought about."

"Do you remember we were sitting there by the water? You put your arm around me for the first time," Rachel sang, lifting her arms above her head as she stomped her boot heel a little. "You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter. You are the best thing that's ever been mine."

Wild applause from three very proud children and a prouder husband greeted her when she finished up the song. Gracie was the first to run down the aisle, followed closely by Nava. Joshua looked back at his dad for permission before jetting down to meet his mom at the foot of the stage. Puck was content to hang back for a moment to watch his beautiful wife with his beautiful children before finally sauntering down to join them. Rachel smiled against his mouth when he finally greeted her with a kiss.

"This is a nice surprise, I wasn't expecting you," she whispered as they pulled apart.

"Just missed you," he smiled in return. "And we wanted to get a preview of this Tony performance. You guys sound great, Rach, you're gonna kill it. And then the rest of the world is going to fall in love with you like New York already has. I'm just glad that I got to you first."

The next evening it's Rachel's turn to pick up the kids and meet Puck at the studio so they can all head out to dinner together. The three of them play in the control room while Puck finishes up a song in the recording booth. The producers are used to having them around since this is their second go around with Puck as a recording artist. His first album had been pretty successful, giving him a little more creative control. He was currently working on an original piece but took a break to come out to talk to Rachel and the kids.

"I want to get through one more song if you guys don't mind hanging out for fifteen minutes or so," he asked with a slightly pleading look. Rachel could sense that he was in the zone and wanted to oblige his simple request. Once she agreed, he kissed her cheek eagerly before swooping down to pick up Joshua and tickle his ribs. "How'd our project do?"

"It was totally the best one," he bragged. "No one else had different colors of pasta."

"Awesome, buddy," Puck said genuinely. Rachel was so glad that Puck never showed a single ounce of favoritism when it came to his kids. It didn't matter that the girls had his DNA and Joshua didn't. They were all three every bit their father, and she couldn't have been prouder. "And how are my girls? Are we getting along a little better?"

"Yes, Mommy said we had to or we wouldn't get to come back here anymore because we make too much noise," Nava said. "Daddy, will you sing now?"

"Yeah, Daddy, sing the sunshine song!" He had been working on the cover at home for a few weeks now and had only decided to put it on the album after Gracie had fallen in love with it. It was her preferred lullaby now, a constant request when it came to bedtime. "Pleeeease!"

"You heard her, Mac," Puck told his producer before dropping a kiss on both girls' head and bumping fists with Joshua. He then turned to his wife and kissed the tip of her nose. "I'll get it in one take, Rach, and then we're out of here."

Puck readjusted the microphone in the booth as the backtrack started. "Your dark hair draped across my pillow says I finally got it right," he sang soulfully, his eyes falling closed as he got lost in the simple melody. "And as I watch you dreaming, twisted in the sheets, I can't stop thinking about last night."

"Well, I've waited so long, so long, so long, for someone like you," he continued, finding Rachel's eyes through the window. She blushed prettily under his watchful gaze. "And as the morning breaks through the window pane, it reveals the truth. Baby, you're my sunshine, first light, find your way to places that only know lies, failed tries and bruised skies. With hardly time to hold on or to be strong, now I'm strong. 'Cause like the dawn, you push it all away. I tell you, you're my sunshine. Everybody needs a little sunshine."

He comes through on his promise and finishes the song in one take. They head out to dinner and then take a walk around Central Park before heading back home. The kids take turns bathing and Joshua does a little reading at the kitchen table with Puck while Rachel fixes lunches for the next day. It's hardly the glamorous life that people imagine for the noted actress and recording star, but they are in love with the ordinary. Rachel smiles to himself later when she's reading in the den and hears Noah leading three little voices in a quiet rendition of Janis Joplin's "Maybe." Only his children would ever know a song like that.

Two days later, it's Sunday, and Rachel is a nervous wreck. She has been through her song a million times that morning, and she is starting to drive Puck crazy. "Babe, you're gonna kill it," he promises her as she sits in the middle of the living room, a pair of stylists working on her makeup and hair. "You know the song."

"Did you get your tux..."

"Your dads got it when they picked up mine," he answered her. "They will be here in like twenty minutes to go with us to the theater. Sarah is going to stay with the kids here so that my mom can go with us. Relax a little, Rach, I got this." She smiled at her husband gratefully as he handed her a glass of champagne. "Seriously, enjoy this moment. It's yours."

"You should listen to him, Rachel," Rebecca announced as she came into the room. She was busy trying to get a pearl earring through her lobe. "He's actually kind of smart when it comes to these things."

"Gee, thanks, Ma," he said sarcastically. "By the way, you look beautiful."

"Yeah?" she asked with a pleased smile. "Sarah picked it out."

"You did good," he said to his sister as she came in after their mom.

"Obviously," she rolled her eyes. "By the way, the kids of a little something for Rachel."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, Mommy," Gracie called as the three of them came running into the room. "We worked on this real hard with Daddy. We wanted to surprise you!"

"Daddy, get your guitar!" Nava ordered him. "C'mon, you're supposed to be ready."

"Yeah, Dad, come on," Joshua joined in with his sisters. "You better not mess up either."

Puck mumbled something about having four monkeys on his back as he grabbed his guitar out from behind the sofa. Rachel turned in the chair toward where the kids had lined up in the middle of the floor. A delighted smile played on her beautiful face as Puck began to strum. Rebecca stood in the doorway, her hand pressed to her chest proudly, while Sarah rested her head on her mom's shoulder.

"Oh, I could hide 'neath the winds of the bluebird as she sings," Nava sang.

"The six o'clock alarm would never ring," Joshua continued. "But six rings and I rise..."

"Wipe the sleep out of my eyes, my shaving razor's cold and it stings!" Grace sang.

The three of them joined hands as they sang in unison. "Cheer up, Sleepy Jean. Oh, what can it mean? To a daydream believer and a homecoming queen."

"You once thought of me as a white knight on a steed," Josh sang solo.

"Now you know how happy I can be," Grace chimed in. "Oh, and our good times start and end."

"Without dollar one to spend. But how much, baby, do we really need?" Nava sang.

"Cheer up, Sleepy Jean," they sang together again. "Oh, what can it mean? To a daydream believer and a homecoming queen..."

When they had finished up the song, Rachel applauded with tears in her eyes. "That was the best present I've ever gotten," she said as she held out her arms. "Come here and give me a big hug."

"Can I get in on that one?" Noah said as he sat his guitar back down and came over to join them.

"Aw, family moment!" Hiram called as he came through the front door with Leroy just behind him. He grimaced as his husband, a perpetual photographer, snapped yet another picture with his ridiculously expensive digital camera. "Save it, Leroy, you're going to kill the battery before we even get to the theater. I will not miss my daughter's award-winning moment!"

"Don't worry, Hiram, I have a backup in my bag," Rebecca announced.

"Mommy, you look like a fairy princess," Grace announced as Rachel finally stood up, revealing the intricate details of her one-of-a-kind crimson dress. "Doesn't she look like Cinderella?"

"No, Rapunzel!" Nava argued. "Or Belle. I don' t know. Daddy, what do you think?"

"She is prettier than any of those princesses," he said, getting lost in his wife's eyes. "Your mommy is the prettiest woman in the whole world. Absolutely beautiful." The kids joined Sarah in a chorus of protests when Puck leaned over to kiss his wife. "Alright, alright, enough from the peanut gallery. Rach, we should probably get going. I'm going to go change real quick while you say your goodbyes."

"Okay, you guys be good for Sarah and make sure to watch me on TV."

"You're going to win, Mommy, I just know it," Grace told her confidently.

"Yeah, then you can put it on the mantle by my soccer trophy," Joshua added.

"Yeah, cause you're the best singer in the whole world just like Joshie is the best soccer player in all of New York," Nava reasoned.

Rachel thinks later that this is all the praise in the world she needs, but it doesn't hurt to have the Broadway community on their feet in applause as she takes the stage to accept her statuette. She thanks her fathers and Rebecca, Carole and Burt, Kurt and Blaine, and Sarah. She thanks her co-stars and everyone in the production and all of her supporters back in Lima. She thanks Mr. Schue and all of her friends from New Directions, with a special shout out to Brittany since she had promised to dedicate her entire webshow tomorrow to Rachel if she won."

"And I have to thank my kids who are at home watching me on TV," Rachel told the crowd as she lifted her Tony slightly. "My son, Joshua, told me that I got to put this on the fireplace next to his soccer trophy, so start making room, kids! I love you three so much!"

"But finally, I want to dedicate this to my husband," she said as she caught his eye. "Noah, I would have never made it to New York without you. You are an amazing partner in music and in life. I love you."

Later on, she cries when she finally makes it back to him and he sweeps her off her feet. She had been backstage when the award was announced since it was only a few minutes after she had completed her musical number. "You did it, baby," he whispered as he kissed her, their foreheads pressed closely together. He can sense her fathers and his mom wanting time with her, but this was their moment. "I am so proud of you, Rach."

When the show is finally over, Puck sends his family home in the limo and takes Rachel around the park in a carriage ride so that they can have a little time alone together. She is tucked in close to him, her head on his shoulder and their hands entwined together between them. She smiles as she hears him start to hum a familiar song.

"Where it began, I can't begin to know..."

**FIN.**

* * *

_Song Credits: "Mine" by Taylor Swift, "Sunshine" by Steve Azar, "Daydream Believer" by The Monkees and "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond._

_Thank you to all of you that have followed me on this journey. I have loved this story unlike any other I have written in a very long time. No sequels will be written on this one, but I might return to the fandom someday. You're the best!_


End file.
